In time, however most of us find it important to talk about the things that trouble us. In alanon , it is often said that "we are only as sick as our secrets". A key to breaking the stranglehold that alcoholism has on our lives is to begin to open up and let those secrets out. Part of the isolation of this disease is the belief that we are "unique", that no one has done or said or felt the terrible things that we have done, said and felt, and that no one could possibly understand. Therefore, we hide the truth at all costs. Until we challenge this sense of uniqueness by sharing our thoughts with other people who have known the shame and the isolation of alcoholism we may never find out that it is NOT real. As suggested closing to our meetings reminds us, "Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too". We are not alone, and we need to unlearn the thinking that tells us that no one understands-------this simply isnt true. Not everyone has been where we have been or felt what we have felt, BUT turning to those in alanon who have suffered the effects of alcoholism is different from turning to uninformed friends and relatives. Although our stories may differ, we who live or have lived with alcoholism have a rare understanding of each other. Reaching out to other members is essential because a vital part of recovering from alcoholism's effects is breaking our isolation. To do so we have to muster the courage to share!
I know for myself,,I hid,,the facts , and covered up many times making excuses for the A and myself. I denied the reality of the disease, and went to great lengths to make sure my life was as I "thought" it should be. In the end, the white picket fence wasnt so white, the happy household was not as I imagined, but it was full of chaos, worry, fear, and my desparate attempts to keep myself sane, failed miserabley. My focus on my husband became an obsession, and my sanity was questionable before I came to alanon. My life was hanging by a thread, when I entered those doors of alanon, and I cried for months at each meeting , but I knew for the first time in a very long time, I had found people who understood me, and I was not alone or ashamed anymore. My face to face meetings were going to be temporary,but over 5 years later, my interpretation of temporary has changed. I know for myself and for my mental and physical health, I keep going back, it keeps me balanced, and it keeps my mind in check. With all the insanity this disease brings , it is a blessing to know, there is alanon for us. Keep coming back,,,it works if you work it! I know, because I am here to share.................................gardengal
Lauren ashley said
Nov 5, 2005
****crying****
omg gardengal I guess all the secrets I have kept hurt me more than I think they saved me.. I never shared a thing because I thought my life was soo different from my friends, and it still is...
But now I think at least I am not the only one because you have touched a part of my heart.. that nobody has been able to touch... I built my wall so high around my heart because I am afraid of being hurt again...
I never liked my friends to come over the house because honestly I was not only afraid of this drinking,but i WAS AFRAID HE WOULD ABUSE THEM TOO....
I recently found out I have a sister my age from him... He is sooo gross,and said that she was prettier than me.... what a sicko to think that about his own daughter... I always questioned why on earth would God let such a devil in my life..
In a way I am jealous of my sis because she had a good life,and her mom was smart enough to not let my dad hurt her...
but I was hurt..he abused me, and not her... She is one month older than I am.... I have never met her f2f because her mom wants nothing to so with me... I talked to her on the phone a few times.. The funny thing is that we like exactly alike its creepy....But i cannot blame her for what my dad did to me..It just isn't right..I still have not told her exactly what he did...I don't think I will until we are older...
Lauren~
leo said
Nov 6, 2005
Gardengal,
This post really hit home it is a mirror of my life. I am so glad to have people like you sharing. I think we put up the barriers because deep down we know that others on the outside could not have any idea of what we experience. The walls are there because again we do not trust others who are not dealing with the disease to not judge us. I have poured my heart out here to total strangers who I now consider friends and yet I do not confide in the friends closest to me. I have one really good friend who is living with an A and I know she truly understands. Thanks you so much for writing this. Luv Leo x
WakingUp said
Nov 7, 2005
Okay <deep breath> I commit to at least attempt to share at each f2f meeting (sometimes we have a lot of people and not enough time.)
Thanks for this post. I do feel isolated. Food for thought.
In time, however most of us find it important to talk about the things that trouble us. In alanon , it is often said that "we are only as sick as our secrets". A key to breaking the stranglehold that alcoholism has on our lives is to begin to open up and let those secrets out. Part of the isolation of this disease is the belief that we are "unique", that no one has done or said or felt the terrible things that we have done, said and felt, and that no one could possibly understand. Therefore, we hide the truth at all costs. Until we challenge this sense of uniqueness by sharing our thoughts with other people who have known the shame and the isolation of alcoholism we may never find out that it is NOT real. As suggested closing to our meetings reminds us, "Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too". We are not alone, and we need to unlearn the thinking that tells us that no one understands-------this simply isnt true. Not everyone has been where we have been or felt what we have felt, BUT turning to those in alanon who have suffered the effects of alcoholism is different from turning to uninformed friends and relatives. Although our stories may differ, we who live or have lived with alcoholism have a rare understanding of each other. Reaching out to other members is essential because a vital part of recovering from alcoholism's effects is breaking our isolation. To do so we have to muster the courage to share!
I know for myself,,I hid,,the facts , and covered up many times making excuses for the A and myself. I denied the reality of the disease, and went to great lengths to make sure my life was as I "thought" it should be. In the end, the white picket fence wasnt so white, the happy household was not as I imagined, but it was full of chaos, worry, fear, and my desparate attempts to keep myself sane, failed miserabley. My focus on my husband became an obsession, and my sanity was questionable before I came to alanon. My life was hanging by a thread, when I entered those doors of alanon, and I cried for months at each meeting , but I knew for the first time in a very long time, I had found people who understood me, and I was not alone or ashamed anymore. My face to face meetings were going to be temporary,but over 5 years later, my interpretation of temporary has changed. I know for myself and for my mental and physical health, I keep going back, it keeps me balanced, and it keeps my mind in check. With all the insanity this disease brings , it is a blessing to know, there is alanon for us. Keep coming back,,,it works if you work it! I know, because I am here to share.................................gardengal
****crying****
omg gardengal I guess all the secrets I have kept hurt me more than I think they saved me.. I never shared a thing because I thought my life was soo different from my friends, and it still is...
But now I think at least I am not the only one because you have touched a part of my heart.. that nobody has been able to touch... I built my wall so high around my heart because I am afraid of being hurt again...
I never liked my friends to come over the house because honestly I was not only afraid of this drinking,but i WAS AFRAID HE WOULD ABUSE THEM TOO....
I recently found out I have a sister my age from him... He is sooo gross,and said that she was prettier than me.... what a sicko to think that about his own daughter... I always questioned why on earth would God let such a devil in my life..
In a way I am jealous of my sis because she had a good life,and her mom was smart enough to not let my dad hurt her...
but I was hurt..he abused me, and not her... She is one month older than I am.... I have never met her f2f because her mom wants nothing to so with me... I talked to her on the phone a few times.. The funny thing is that we like exactly alike its creepy....But i cannot blame her for what my dad did to me..It just isn't right..I still have not told her exactly what he did...I don't think I will until we are older...
Lauren~
Gardengal,
This post really hit home it is a mirror of my life. I am so glad to have people like you sharing. I think we put up the barriers because deep down we know that others on the outside could not have any idea of what we experience. The walls are there because again we do not trust others who are not dealing with the disease to not judge us. I have poured my heart out here to total strangers who I now consider friends and yet I do not confide in the friends closest to me. I have one really good friend who is living with an A and I know she truly understands. Thanks you so much for writing this. Luv Leo x
Okay <deep breath> I commit to at least attempt to share at each f2f meeting (sometimes we have a lot of people and not enough time.)
Thanks for this post. I do feel isolated. Food for thought.