Ok so now Im going through the "I dont want to do this" thinking. Why did I come to this website, why did I go to the doctor? Its not me! Its HIM! HE needs to get help, not me!
Ready to stop and just take care of myself - do things that make me happy - take a walk, go to the movies, etc
I DONT want to spend my nights at Al-Anon. Winter will be starting - who wants to go to meetings at night when they could be at home warm? Thats my bedtime
megan said
Nov 4, 2005
Barbara wrote: Ok so now Im going through the "I dont want to do this" thinking. Why did I come to this website, why did I go to the doctor? Its not me! Its HIM! HE needs to get help, not me! Ready to stop and just take care of myself - do things that make me happy - take a walk, go to the movies, etc I DONT want to spend my nights at Al-Anon. Winter will be starting - who wants to go to meetings at night when they could be at home warm? Thats my bedtime
Okay Good-bye Barbara. It was nice chatting with you.
Please stop at the door and you will have your misery refunded to you,
nycbt said
Nov 4, 2005
I know that feeling not want to go to a meeting just staying warm. But for me I can't do that I have to get my self to a meeting this winter to continue the progress that I am making. It is going to problary be hard but I have to think of all the help it has done. I have learned so much. So try to continue to go.
Barbara said
Nov 4, 2005
lol - Im sorry Megan - I understand what you're trying to say
and I wouldnt really not be continuing - havent really started yet. I have cyber friends and real friends pushing for me but Im really ready to give up and "have my misery refunded to me" Is it really worth it?
megan said
Nov 4, 2005
Hi Barbara
At my beginner meeting when I started a year ago July they told me to try 6 face to face meetings before I made my decision and if then I decided to leave that my misery would be refunded to me.
For me alanon has brought me from the most desperate, painful part of my life to well on my well to becoming a whole functional, even happy human being.
Sure it has been work and a committmentmy time and energy, but i had hit MY bottom.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
keep taking care of you
Megan
Jeannie said
Nov 4, 2005
Barbara,
The why do I have to do these things when it's him not me. We have all been there. I know myself I still am. Just need to remind myslelf to stop taking his inventory and start taking mine.
It is not easy, the anger and resentment and pity rear their heads. Just ask yourself do you want to be miserable, or would you prefer to find a way to be happy?
Hang in there, you aren't alone.
Love Jeannie
debilyn said
Nov 4, 2005
I remember feeling like you do. For me it was becuz I immersed myself almost
compulsively with alanon. Was so desperate to understand.
Unable to go to face to face, I attended the morn and night meetings in the chat room. It was wonderful. I spent a lot of time in that room, learned so much. I read everything I could
find. I Love, "Getting Them Sober." I still read it over and over. It made the last
barrier to my recovery go down.
Now I read stuff and come here and it reinforces alanon in me.
Anyway I wanted to encourage you to attend the meetings in the chat room. Especially if you don't feel like going to face to face. I know the feeling of needing to go to bed! I am in Oregong so they are six pm here.
Anyway glad you can come here and open up. Sorta freaked me out when i read Megan
response to you. Glad it came out ok.
If I had came in here when I felt like that, i would have been hurt. But that is me.
I don't like to give or get those kinds of comments. But it works for others!!
Glad you were only venting. thanks for posting, love,debilyn
Barbara said
Nov 4, 2005
Megans response did take me by surprise. I think it had the response she was looking for. Megan & I PM each other so I looked at where she was coming from and didnt take it as an attack.
megan said
Nov 4, 2005
Thank-you Barbara. i thought that you would get it.
And no, it was not an attack :)
captcodee said
Nov 4, 2005
((((((((Barbara)))))))))))
I am afraid that once you look into the program it may be hard to go back to the world of denial. My husband puts it like this:
The 12 steps are like looking under an old woman's skirt. Once you take a look, you can't get it out of your head!
Kinda funny, but too true!
The freedom of Alanon is that you can do it at the pace you choose. SHould you decide that you want to lie low for a while, that is fine. Your life is in your control. SHould you decide to come back through the doors in a while, we will be here.
I have heard many speakers, including myself, say that they tried the program then fell away for a few years, only to return in shear desperation.
There is no prescribed method to approaching Alanon. There is no rule that says that you have to come every week, or even come at all. There are no rules at how you have to work the steps. Alanon is a choice. For me it turned into a lifestyle choice, but only because once I "looked up the old lady's skirt", I didn't want to go back to the lonely world that was before I found the program.
I commend your honesty, and keep coming back. I can't guarantee things will get better in your life, but I do promise that we will be here when you are ready!
With Love;
Aron in the Mountains
rosie light shines said
Nov 4, 2005
i go with megan ALL the way!!!!! if i quit???? my misery/ sickness/ coda crap gets refunded to me..........if i can get this sick once, old patterns CAN and DO creep back in if i am not VIGILENT......the key words are *committment* to me..........*vigilence* 4 me....its not about my abuser, my A's , my NA's, its about ME, taking care of ME.......it is their inventory to drink/ use and not get into recovery........i can CHOOSE, recovery and happiness...........or not recovery and misery...........i have a CHOICE....i CHOOSE to be happy/ healthy...............it is your choice.....peace be with you/ rosie
Dolphin123 said
Nov 4, 2005
megan wrote: It was nice chatting with you. Please stop at the door and you will have your misery refunded to you,
That is what we tell new comers in our groups as well, that we will gladly refund their misery if they feel the program is not working for them.
Barbara, you have found a safe place to vent. Remember we are here for you! Keep coming back!
Much Love
Barbara said
Nov 4, 2005
thank you everyone and yes the "seed has been planted"
marmare said
Nov 4, 2005
((((((((((Barbara))))))))))
I remember feeling the same way!!! LOL I smiled when I read your post. No because it was funny but because it is such a hard step to accept any change in our life, even when we are living in total misery!!! Hang in there, know that you have so much support and warmth here and at f 2 f meetings, it will keep you warm during the winter months!!!
Hugs Mary
abbyal said
Nov 4, 2005
Well Barbara , the beauty of Al-Anon is that it has been here helping people like us for 55 yrs and it will be here when your ready to help yourself. Good luck Louise
kissers said
Nov 5, 2005
Hi Barbara:
I know exactly how you feel. I was pissed off when I heard people had to keep coming back and they were coming back for years!! I was thinking, "The hell with that". Then I crashed and burned in the pit of hell. I went back, determined that I had to stick with it to better my life. After a while I found my home group. I love them all so very much. They are the family I never had. One of the members said it felt like going to a slumber party every Wednesday. She couldn't have said it better. I cannot tell you what a difference it has made in my life. When I think of all of them I start to tear up. I've never felt so loved and accepted. My Sponsor is my angel. She is the most loving and supportive person I've ever had in my life. I started worrying about what would happen if Alanon no longer existed. The thought terrified me. This transition happened within 6 months.
I'm not telling you what to do. I want to share my story. I too felt frustrated and resentful for having to go.
I can tell you what has come out of Alanon for me:
Lots of new friends, self respect!!!, self-acceptance, joy, and comfort.
If you should leave, you are always welcome back with no questions asked. Best of luck to you.
Ok so now Im going through the "I dont want to do this" thinking. Why did I come to this website, why did I go to the doctor? Its not me! Its HIM! HE needs to get help, not me!
Ready to stop and just take care of myself - do things that make me happy - take a walk, go to the movies, etc
I DONT want to spend my nights at Al-Anon. Winter will be starting - who wants to go to meetings at night when they could be at home warm? Thats my bedtime
Okay Good-bye Barbara. It was nice chatting with you.
Please stop at the door and you will have your misery refunded to you,
lol - Im sorry Megan - I understand what you're trying to say
and I wouldnt really not be continuing - havent really started yet. I have cyber friends and real friends pushing for me but Im really ready to give up and "have my misery refunded to me" Is it really worth it?
Hi Barbara
At my beginner meeting when I started a year ago July they told me to try 6 face to face meetings before I made my decision and if then I decided to leave that my misery would be refunded to me.
For me alanon has brought me from the most desperate, painful part of my life to well on my well to becoming a whole functional, even happy human being.
Sure it has been work and a committmentmy time and energy, but i had hit MY bottom.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
keep taking care of you
Megan
Barbara,
The why do I have to do these things when it's him not me. We have all been there. I know myself I still am. Just need to remind myslelf to stop taking his inventory and start taking mine.
It is not easy, the anger and resentment and pity rear their heads. Just ask yourself do you want to be miserable, or would you prefer to find a way to be happy?
Hang in there, you aren't alone.
Love Jeannie
Thank-you Barbara. i thought that you would get it.
And no, it was not an attack :)
((((((((Barbara)))))))))))
I am afraid that once you look into the program it may be hard to go back to the world of denial. My husband puts it like this:
The 12 steps are like looking under an old woman's skirt. Once you take a look, you can't get it out of your head!
Kinda funny, but too true!
The freedom of Alanon is that you can do it at the pace you choose. SHould you decide that you want to lie low for a while, that is fine. Your life is in your control. SHould you decide to come back through the doors in a while, we will be here.
I have heard many speakers, including myself, say that they tried the program then fell away for a few years, only to return in shear desperation.
There is no prescribed method to approaching Alanon. There is no rule that says that you have to come every week, or even come at all. There are no rules at how you have to work the steps. Alanon is a choice. For me it turned into a lifestyle choice, but only because once I "looked up the old lady's skirt", I didn't want to go back to the lonely world that was before I found the program.
I commend your honesty, and keep coming back. I can't guarantee things will get better in your life, but I do promise that we will be here when you are ready!
With Love;
Aron in the Mountains
That is what we tell new comers in our groups as well, that we will gladly refund their misery if they feel the program is not working for them.
Barbara, you have found a safe place to vent. Remember we are here for you! Keep coming back!
Much Love
((((((((((Barbara))))))))))
I remember feeling the same way!!! LOL I smiled when I read your post. No because it was funny but because it is such a hard step to accept any change in our life, even when we are living in total misery!!! Hang in there, know that you have so much support and warmth here and at f 2 f meetings, it will keep you warm during the winter months!!!
Hugs Mary
Hi Barbara:
I know exactly how you feel. I was pissed off when I heard people had to keep coming back and they were coming back for years!! I was thinking, "The hell with that". Then I crashed and burned in the pit of hell. I went back, determined that I had to stick with it to better my life. After a while I found my home group. I love them all so very much. They are the family I never had. One of the members said it felt like going to a slumber party every Wednesday. She couldn't have said it better. I cannot tell you what a difference it has made in my life. When I think of all of them I start to tear up. I've never felt so loved and accepted. My Sponsor is my angel. She is the most loving and supportive person I've ever had in my life. I started worrying about what would happen if Alanon no longer existed. The thought terrified me. This transition happened within 6 months.
I'm not telling you what to do. I want to share my story. I too felt frustrated and resentful for having to go.
I can tell you what has come out of Alanon for me:
Lots of new friends, self respect!!!, self-acceptance, joy, and comfort.
If you should leave, you are always welcome back with no questions asked. Best of luck to you.
Hugs,
Lisa