Hello friends,

I just want to extend my hand and heart to you in here and in the chat room. I am here for you from the bottom of my heart. My purpose in alanon is to work my program and to also give back. No matter how many times you need to talk about the same thing, no worries with me, I will listen. This program is different for everyone. I believe our HP higher power guides us and reveals to us what we need to know when we are ready. Some people need longer to work through things for different reasons. There is no set time. It is a journey and one that works :) I will not think you are taking up the rooms time or trying to get pity from others. I will be there for you and not judge and know this is what is right for you at the time. If people do not want to listen they don't have to. I will listen to you and try to understand what you need. I do share from my heart here and feel safe here most of the time. You have the right to do that too. We are who we are. Human beings. If you say you are leaving your alcoholic and you end up changing your mind, I will listen and not judge. We do the best we can and I am not here to judge you. There is no such thing as whining with me. I came here and found a place to vent and finally be heard. I do not consider this whining, I consider this working your prgram and doing the best you can with the feelings you have at the time. For some this is the first time they have ever been heard or ever said anything to anyone about something. I first came here full of anger and no one could get through to me right away. That was a year and a half ago. I needed to be heard, understood and just listened too. I don't even remember the first months here :) We come here hurting and sometimes in shock. I will listen. If no one else is talking to you or answering you just mention,,,CDB,,, I Need to share and I will listen. I do prefer to share in the main chat room or here since a person gets so much more feedback. We try to not give advice in alanon but share our own stories. If my story has been shared over and over it is due to connecting with new people so they know where I am coming from, not to draw attention to myself. When I taught it was called self disclosure. I guess I am just use to that. Sharing a little about me so you feel comfortable to share about you. For some it works. Sometimes it is my way of introducing myself. IN alanon we share our own experiences. If you have heard them before, you don't need to listen. I am here working my program with my HP and sponsors and being guided by my HP. I may need to share again something that is yearing in me to be talked out again and worked out. My and your program is no ones business. We come here for our own recovery. If amends or aplogies need to be made, I try to make them when hp reveals things to me. Amends are about us and our own recovery. Not everyone will like everyone, but we are all in the same situation and hurting. I learned here that Talk is Cheap, Watch the Behavior and am still learing more and more about this each day :) I am learning to stand back as the owner john/OP shared "when someone is throwing up back up as to not get it on you." This was first a gross analogy to me but one that tells it like it is. None of us are perfect here but as adults we can learn to live together in a chat room. I cannot control other peoples' behaviors just like I cannot control the alcholic's behavior but, I can listen to you the best I can even in a fast moving room :) I am actually pretty good at following different conversations. This is how I give back to my program.I just wish I could answer more posts or be in the room more but I am just one person out of many here. So, learn who to trust and know that people here are also sick and working on getting better. That is where a sponsor and your HP higher power come into play. My HP guided my heart to write this now. I am doing this to gain popularity or to put attention on me,,I am doing this out of the kindness of my heart. Please know that someone will be there for you when it seems that no one is listening. Just keep coming back and reaching out to those you know will be supportive of you and listen :) cdb your friend in recovery :)

Thank you for your post, this gives me alot of courage as I feel that Iam always repeating my story and asking for help.  I would love to chat with you more.  Have a great day.

Sunny1

cdb,  i appreciate this very much....you know it took me EIGHTEEN months of  venting/raging/cursing my perp, B4 i could FINALLY come to the point of   "ok God, i can now dump this garbage onto you and DETACH.....UNHOOK"   

i had to first work through my INTENSE  emotions of  hurt/ anger/ rage/ grief....B4 i could accept and grieve it out....i am still grieving over my lost life,    if it wasn't for this group, just letting me go  *on a tear*  i never would have been able to discharge all that anger/outrage/grief...it would have STAYED in me and maybe became cancer.......i am very grateful to this group/  the program......now when i mention him/ the abuse it is in the course of helping another see that they are NOT alone and there IS hope for a happy life...........hugs, to U/ rosie

Thank you for your replies,

There are some people in my opinion that need to be educated to this who do not feel this same way. We all work our program at our own rate and some have many things to deal with. What they think of me may be none of my business but there is nothing wrong with trying to educate and you two did a very good jop of that, ty cdb :)

CDB,

This is why I love this program, because we all work it in the best way it works for us. I have seen "the good, the bad, and the ugly" in alanon, but not from you.

We all have our moments when we may slip back into the "stinking thinking", but for me I know this program is working because I am noticing the slips faster than I used to.

Even in f2f meetings we may have the need to repeat "our" story over and over. But I know that each time I tell it I remember details that I may have forgotten. And it is a chance to see how far I have come since I first walked into the doors of alanon. And as long as I don't get a big head about it, there is nothing wrong with that.

You are right it is very important to figure out who to trust and who not to trust. Even outside of alanon this is an issue. I am very guarded and slowly let people in. It is all a learning process.

Much Love,

thanks for this topic cdb, we are all here for similar situations. this is a place to vent. we should all feel comfortable to tell our storied how ever much we need to to help deal. in no way do i see this as whining, we are here to help eachother and listen and help. i love hearing everyones stories and feel so loved when they listen to mine. basically i love this site and all the support. we are all here for one another

cdb, thank you.  What a helpful post.   I'm a little shy & finding it hard to speak up at my f2f meetings.  Plus I'm struggling with the 'you didn't cause it' aspect of the 3 c's.  When your A is your daughter it is hard not to feel as if you are somewhat at fault.  Are there phases of recovery?  I'm pretty new--about 4 months.  I'm feeling very depressed when I go to meetings lately.  I tend to like to stay in denial unless there is a current crisis.  Going to meetings brings me face to face with all my stuff.  My fear of authority.  The way things just drag on with the alcoholics in my life, getting a little worse each day (like the frog being slowly boiled to death.)  I'm having a tough time, but it's not any one thing like some of the others.  My heart is just so sad.