I'm caught in a trap.... I can't walk out... because I love u too much baby(?) My husband is home sick today. I think he is legitimately ill (as opposed to chemically) but I'm not sure. He has lied so often that I have no idea what to think. I know it doesn't matter and either way he is ill BUT I hate how the suspicion wears on me. I waste so much energy wondering and for what? I try to keep myself occupied and entertained--but he is always in the back of my mind. I try to give him to his HP but old habits die hard--don't they?! obsessively- Jeanne

Hi Jeanne, Boy, do I know that feeling. I used to wonder all the time what the causes of my mom's "sicknesses" were. I finally settled on a "reasonable" response. I respected her decision to stay home. In the morning I checked to see that her immediate needs were met. But then I would get out and do my own thing. She had to take care of herself the rest of the day. She couldn't call on me for every little thing she needed. If she was legitimately sick, then I was giving her the space she needed to recover. If she wasn't, I was letting her feel the responsibility for her own choice to stay home and take care of herself. By getting out of the house - even if it was just to go to the library or to the grocery store, I gave myself something else to do to get my mind off what she may or may not be doing. It got easier for me as I continued to do it. I worried for a long time that I wasn't being a "good daughter" and some of her comments would make me question myself. But in the end she found other solutions and I found peace whatever she does, and I'm happy with that solution. She hasn't changed, but I have. Hope this helped...good luck, Kristen

gknee:

Last week my A had called to say that he was sick. He wasn't feeling well, muat hve stomach virus, didn't go to work...yada yada yada....as we were separated and he wasn't living with me I chalked it up...no need for suspicion and told him that I'd rather not see him the rest of the week as he was "sick" and I couldn't afford to get sick myself.  Well, fast forward to this week. He's entering rehab (of his own volition, and I hope he does but hey, who knows?) and you knowwhat? Last week when he said he was "sick" he was....chemically.  It didn't matter if I obsessed about it or not...he was the one who was miserable, not me. So, you see, it doesn't matter. Either way you need to go on with your life.  Good luck.

Hello Jeanne,

Keep going to alanon meetings and working your step program with a sponsor and life will get better. It does work if we work it. I am so sorry about what you are going though. It took me time and practice to not think about drinking/drugging with my daughter. I would say the serenity prayer and pray to MY HP to help me to detatch as far as not thinking stinking thinking. It does get better the more we work try this. Keep coming for support and reaching out. YOu are not alone. WE are here for you (((((((((((Jeanne)))))) your friend in recovery, cdb :)

Hi I also have a problem which trust. I know there is nothing I can do but I still want to have some kind of control. I hate when he lies because you really don't know when it is a lie or if they are telling the truth. Keep posting here, go to meeting, call someone in the program and talk on the phone. Try and go about your day. Which is hard I know.