I went to a meeting Friday morning, went back to work to find my husband drunk.  It wasn't even 10:00am.  I knew he had to go to a job site.  Wish with all my heart that he wouldn't drive.  Got him something to eat before he left.  By the time I got off work, he was worse.  I tryed to talk to him about it.  Complete denial!!!!  You see, he's going to meetings and drinking at the same time.  He even meets with his sponsor that way.  Can't take much more.  Got up Saturday morning, he had already been drinking, it was 6:00am!  He again denied it.  Big fight with him about how I don't trust him.  He spent the day denial drinking.  Sunday morning was no different.  Still drinking, still fighting.  Sunday afternoon, I found two empty liter bottles of rum.  I can't take much more.  His truck smells like alcohol, puke, and cologne.  I had to drive the truck on Monday.  It was aweful.  My son called me today, to tell me his father smells like alcohol.  I tryed to tell him that there was nothing I could do about it.  My husband had six years of soberity, went out, it's been almost a year, and now can't pull two days together.  The last three meetings that I have gone to, all I can do is talk about my anger.  Angry that I'm going through this again, angry that I have to start the steps all over again, angry at everything.  I can barely stand to be in the same room with him anymore.  My lover and best friend can not be honest with me.  To be lied to over and over and over again is unbearable.  Yes, alcoholism is progressive.  This time is much worse, and I didn't think it could be.  I really thought that after six years of soberity he would make it.  I am so lost and angry...

So sorry to hear about his relapse, and yours (anger).  Time to get yourself back on YOUR program, that you know from the first time around....

Unfortunately, this IS a progressive disease, and his actions are showing the full force of that fact....  Now is the time for you to work on you....

I know that answer sucks, but you know from before, that it is the only truth we have...

Tom

Thank you Tom-

 

I do know...it's time to start over again.  I am at the first step.  Thanks again for your kind words.  Purchased a new book today.

I am so sorry for your struggle. Alcoholism is a family disease, as you know. Take a minute, and remove yourself from the situation. Say it was your sister going through this... I know for me, I need to be told to focus. The disease will take everyone in it's path out if it can. The alcoholic in my life is so powerless. It is such a sad shame to see. I firmly beleive that he may be one of those people who is "constitutionaly incapable of being honest" with himself, but who am i to say? I found a peaceful place in this program. The alcoholic/addict in my life is still using. I struggle sometimes when he is active, cause I think that it is not fair. But then God opens my eyes and I see the struggles he has that I do not. Because I work MY program, I can make it through some major stresses, but he often can't even make it through the simplest ones. I see his guilt on his face when I ask God to give me compassion. I don't know what I am trying to say to you. I feel so driven to reply to your post cause you sound so sad, and angry. I just wish I could give you the perfect thing that will make you feel some of the serenity and hope that I feel. Your husband needs you to work your program and hold it together. He needs your compassion, love and understanding. It is not his fault that he is afflicted with this disease, nor yours. A bad reaction to his disease constantly will only prolong his recovery. I am not saying that it is okay that you are forced to drive in his putrid truck, or that it is okay for you to watch him go to work drunk, but you don't need to always search for signs that he is drinking. You know he is, does it really make a difference how much? Pray for him, and for you. Pray for his safety, and everyone else's. Pray for the patience to make it to his sobriety. Pray for the guidance to make it through another day. Pray for strength. Please don't take any offence from my message. None is intended. My thoughts are with you, and with him. With love in the program Aron

Hello Barkley  don't give up yet.  This disease is more powerful than either of you.  I could never understand  that it progressed even while sober. but like you got to see that the min he started again  he was sicker than before. Disease just lies in wait  for a weak moment and wham.

It;s not personal , hang in there.  I would suggest u read my fav page in the Odat    July 14th do what it says to the best of your abitlity and it will get better for you.  good luck     Louise

Barklay,

Your post hit home. After eight + years of continuous sobriety my husband started sneaking drinks two weeks ago. Yesterday his drinking escalated to a point where I can't live in the same house with him, nor subject our daughters to the stress of that. Today I tell him he moves out if he wants to drink. I plan to drive him to a hotel.

I am angry that everything falls on me to *handle.* I am angry that this binge is costing a lot of money and it is about to cost even more. I am angry because now I will have to work full time instead of part-time as I have been doing. I'm pissed that the kids now live with an active alcoholic, as do I. I am angry that I don't have my spouse, my partner. I am lonely.

Knowing how progressed A's alcoholism is, there is also a real fear of him dying or not coming back . . . It is hard to keep a healthy dose of hope.  I find peace when I attend f2f Alanon meetings and hang out here. (Recently found this place).

Good luck to you!

Hi Barkley,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through.  Take care of yourself and your children~as you or they did not cause this disease.   

My prayers and thoughts are with you.  Have a great day!

Huggs, Diane

Barkley, Unfortunately there is no cure or time frame for sobriety. My A told me that he met someone who relapsed after 35 years of sobriety! That's what makes this disease so insidious. I can understand why you would be angry. But are you angry at him, yourself, the disease or all of the above? If it were me, it'd be all of the above. Is it more anger or fear of going down the path again? Don't be so hard on yourself. It's okay to let the anger come out. That's what the meetings are for. Time to start refocusing on you. Be good to yourself. Live strong, Karilynn

Hi barkley,

Hang in there! There is hope. My husband has been sober for 22 years and cannot tell the truth. He moved out in June because he doesn't love me, it's my fault etc. He has the dry drunk syndrome - they are emotional stunted. I went to an open AA meeting and told them how angry I was. I work and he golfs. I was told not to stay in resentment or it would eat me alive. They referred me to the Big Book and the 4th step. Sounds like you have been working the steps too.

I just have to work really hard on my boundaries or I become just as sick as he is. I have to focus on myself and my own goals in life. It is a disease and we are truly powerless. Keep coming back to the board and let that anger out.

In support,

Nancy

Wow welcome. It is very hard to deal with someone that drinks. My husband is currently a drinker. The past couple of days surpise have been good. But I have gotten a little stronger by going to meetings as well. Try to go to meetings, and you as well should get a support group to help you times when he is drinking. Like what Megan said try and keep your self busy if you can.