well my a is doing so well he  is  going to work every day ,going to his meetings and going home every night. i was going to surprise him and meet him for lunch but he asked me to come & i told him i was going to surprise you and he was so happy. last week he bought an air mattress  and the other night he said it didnt feel right he thought his moms cat's got at it and he went to sleep the next morning he woke up on the floor lol he was so mad . tonight he came home and his mom was drunk again and he took a walk & called me. i am scared that i am getting my hopes too high. but i know that i have trust him. i have been letting go letting god and it has been working so far. i really miss him but i am afraid that if he comes home, will it be the same bullshi_ as before. he is doing sooooo good. i don't want him to mess it up.we talk 2x a day & every night.  i see him once or twice on the weekend  and one day at lunch  during the week. my problem is if i don't hear from him my mind wanders how can  stop being such a nut last night he fell asleep and his phone died & i thought the worst.  i drive my self crazy.

any suggestions

take care

chrissy

Yes, my suggestion is to focus on yourself.  They say when we get busy we get better.  It sounds as if your husband is busy, what with work, meetings and the time he spends with you.  How are you staying busy?  What are you doing to work on your recovery? 

In the very begining, if I didn't keep my mind occupied constantly I would obsess over my A.  Little by little I started to use that time working on myself and my recovery instead of obsessing over him.  It took time and a lot of effort on my part.  I read as much literature as I could, got as many Al Anon books as I could, learned as much as I could about the slogans and how to use them in my daily life, got a sponsor, worked the steps, went to f2f meetings, used the phone list I got at my meetings, forced myself to get out and do things even if I didn't want to, started going to church again and so on.

It's good to hear your husband is doing so well.  It's hard not to get our hopes up when we see that kind of behavior because it's what we want so bad.  But if you take the time to work on yourself, you will reach a point where regardless of how your husband is doing, you will be doing good.  That may be hard to believe but it's true.

thanks,

 i try to keep as busy as i can. i returned to church also . i started reading again & my daughter keeps me very busy. its at night that  my mind starts to wander. i have a hard time going to sleep. maybe i should try to turn in earlier shut the lights off and play peaceful music. i usally leave the tv on until i fall a sleep. i am going to try it now.

thanks again

 chrissy

Hi Chrissy,

Just take care of yourself~one day at a time.. You will be ok. My prayers are with you.

 

Huggs, Diane

Chrissy if his Mum is drinking and he is not it may give him a bit of perspective on what you felt.  Don't rush anything you still have him in your life just keep it going one day at a time.  Slowly does it.  If it isn't broken don't fix it.  Be happy with what you have at the moment it is a much better outcome for you for now.  Luv Leo xx

wow, i never thought of it that way. thanks leo you are a great friend

hugs chrissy

-- Edited by chrissy at 08:39, 2005-11-02

(((Chrissy))))

Hope for the best, but try not to have any expectations. Take care of yourslef and continue to work your program.

I know when my mind starts to wander, I do things around the house. I am a late night cleaning nut. If I find anxiety sneaking in, I out the extra energy to work scrubbing.

I'm glad he is doing well, and trust yourself, you will know when the time is right.

                                                Love Jeannie