I am new to this website as of a few minutes ago.  Very neat and helpful.  I have been married for 18 years to what I had considered first to be an recreational drinker.  (I am also the child of a major alcoholic).  Our marriage is on the rocks and he doesn't see that his recreational drinking has turned into a nasty habit.  I have tried to talk with him about his drinking and what it is doing to our relationship and to our children but he tells me that I am too sensitive.  My husband basically tells me that he understands how I grew up and is making really paranoid about his drinking.  I don't think so.  But what if I am.  What are the signs?  I know what my dad did and  my husband does similar things.  FIve to eight healthy drinks every day after work.  Continual drinking on the weekend.  Only associating with his friends - who drink as much as he does.  Then he accuses me of being anti-social because I don't want to sit in the liquor store with him.  He refuses to attend marriage counseling.  My daughter was recently admitted to a hospital for anxiety and depression.  Have been told by the doctors that alot of her anxiety and stress is brought on because my husband and I have a bad relationship.  Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. 

Hi nancy, welcome.... Alcoholism has many different faces. Arrests, DUI's, jail , violence, binging, daily drinking and then there are functioning alcoholics that manage to hold down a job but must drink daily or binge. Some people go w/o a drink for weeks and then binge for a week. What an alcoholic can't do is stop drinking once they start. Here's a questionairre from AA that may be helpful. AA Questionairre Christy

Helo Nancy  well your post sounded all too  familiar , unsociable  gawwwwd I hated that word.

It really dosent matter how much he drinks what matters is how it affects you, Al-Anon meetings will help alot , get a diff perspective of what is really happening. he dosent think he has a problem  , but it's bothering you  so as he has probably said  you have the problem . 

Give our meetings a try they will change your life . here is the toll free international number for meetings in your area

1-888-4alanon    good luck  Louise

Wow, as I read your posting all i could think about is how similar your story is to mine.  I have been married for almost 19 years and always delt with my husband being a heavy drinker.  Then one day I decided his drinking really effected everyone .. My son was depressed my daughter cried at the drop of a hat.. Going out to dinner was an event.. He drank, I drove home, after arguing in the parking lot that he could drive.. It just became so much.. I remember asking that very same question.. How do you know if he is in fact an alcoholic ??  I just started reading books.. Learning all I could about alcoholism.  Suddenly I felt validated.. For so long he told me that I was boring, didnt know how to have fun.. After reading the books i saw that manipulation was part of the disease.  They are very good at turning the tables and making you feel wrong. .. It is all part of the disease... I found this website in July and i have met so many friends here.. People that truely understand where I am today... They understand how we feel and some have even been where you are today.. It helps knowing that you are not alone... Advise ??? I will give you this ... The sooner you realize that

You Didnt Cause it

You Cant Control it

You Cant Cure it ..

The better you will be.  Stop focusing on his drinking and start focusing on your children.. ( I know that is hard ) especially when you were the keeper like me .. .Read as much as you can about the disease.. It is that it is a disease..

And finally, Keep coming here.. It helps so much..

 

Good Luck and God Bless

Tammy

I was sitting here this morning thinking the same thing! My hubby drank 3/4 of a pint bottle of vodka last night (as usual) and I'm so upset. I know I'm pulling away emotionally (if there's even any of that left I don't know). I don't want to be married to someone who drinks so much (my mom was an alocholic as well). After 21 years of marriage and 3 kids I don't want to leave because his drinking really doesn't bother anyone but me. I don't let him drive anywhere in the evenings and because he has such a high tolerance, he never appears drunk. So, I just dislike him more every day. Maybe when my youngest is older (only 8 now) I'll leave. It's so sad.

Thanks so much for the input.  I read it this morning before going to work and it made my day better.  I didn't think I was always wrong or that my way of thinking was warped.  This is a great website and very helpful.  But where do I go from here?  I spoke with my husband and he wants to go counseling but I don't know.  I am so resentful towards him I just want him to leave.  But I know that this is probably the wrong thing.  How do I get past his anger?