Hello roomies

As some of you know I am going through a divorce.

I am married for 14 years to an alcoholic.

The last 3 when he did not work, drank 24/7 and was emotionally abusive and controlling SHEER HELL

Yesterday I paid bills. I realized I had only a few checks left.

I called this morning to get new checks.

The bank took the order.

Then they called back this afternoon to confirm the address that I had given them.

They said that their address of record is my husbands address!
I NEVER gave them this addy, the statement ALWAYS came to my work, for the last 4 years of my private secret account.

Then I checked and for the last 3 months have not gotten the statement, I have been busy traveling and not good with managing my dough

Treachery.

I called the bank and they flagged my account.

I called my A and he had incredible lies.

I have grown too smart and saw through them.

I held my hand close though and hung up and went mountain biking.

I got a call from my dear friend NYCBT with many good suggestions to protect  myself financially.

 

I will call my lawyer tomorrow

 

Trust, shattered over and over and over again

 

megan

Sorry to hear you are going through this ((((((megan))))) Hang in there and I hope everything works out for you!!! Love bubbles123

Megan:

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am so glad however that you have found support and guidance through someone on this board. It is proof that we are each other's support with this terrible disease.

((((Megan))))

Divorce is so devastating -it is a nightmare, even the ones that "seem" to be smooth. It may be hard to think past this point -but please know that this too shall pass and better days are ahead!

Wishes, tea2

What a great post Megan, as it kind of summarizes a bunch of those "fine lines" we walk when we are dealing with our A's....  For this one, it is kind of that line between loving faith in humanity, vs. being closed to any or all people being anything but bad...

Sorry you had to go through that, but look how well you recovered, and you did NOT let it ruin your whole day or attitude!!  Glad you were able to enjoy your bike ride!

 

Tom

I too am learning to protect myself financially.  I have a secret account, there isn't much in right now, but I promised myself to start building it up.  I have to protect me and the kids.  My A has never went and drained the account but there are times when I thought he would.  Hang in there.

Hugs Mary

It never ceases to amaze me, the lengths A's go through to get what they want.

I am sorry you are having to go thru this - u didn't specify to what all he robbed - & they see their behavior as hunky dory!  When I was first here 4 mos ago, many told me...  they cannot be trusted.

It just sucks we have to *learn* to be even more cunning than they are.  Gotta keep 2 steps ahead...  sounds like you handled it well, I hope u have let it go.

I had to virtuallly underground & go halfway across the country to get away from my ex-husband.  After the week I had last week, I am contemplating much deeper measures.

Protect yourself & keep drawing the line in the sand further out from yourself.

You have been so supportive of me...  hope to return the favor in time... my prayers are with you.

love, -K

Megan this was you personal account? He is not on it? If not how did he get money out of it? If it is your personal account, and the bank allowed him to take money out, the bank should be liable. I cannot believe they changed the address of your account???? Am i missing something here? Didn't you sign a card that only you are on the account? I have no trust or not trust in my A. He is sometimes controlled by his disease, so it is almost insane to me, to put any trust in him. i take things as they come and protect myself. i sure hope things can be fixed hon. something does not sound right. love,debilyn

Hi Thank-you for all the replies.

Maybe I am not clear. My husband and I live seperate now since may.

For 4 years I had this account with the statements goingt to my job.

ONCE back when I was un der control he badgered me until I shopwed him a statement supposedly he kept saying I had ALOT of money there whatever.

So I brought home a statement.

He must have kept it with the account info.

The last statement I have from the bank is from june.

After that I have no statements.

HE HAS THE STATEMENTS.

He might have taken money, of that I don't know, not having the statements.

He is NOT on the account.

Sadly, he is very devious and can figure out how to sell ice to eskimos.

When my MOM died he had HER STATEMENTS sent to OUR house, and I was NOT the executor.

My brother the executor found our and I was horrified and ignorant of it.As  I said he is devious.

he does NOT need my money, he controls plenty of OUR money in his name only.

 

I have not yet let it go but am working on it.

Thanks for being here

megan

Hi Megan

Well at least you are aware of the problem. It would of stink if you went to get money and there was nothing left. You are aware and you are going to take all the right steps as well. The same with my Megan, my husband knows all the accounts, so if I ever get divorce it will be a big problem as well. He already told me that he is going to get money from me from the sponse because he is not working with the eyes of the state. But he does work however gets paid under the table. Protect yourself.

(((((((Megan))))))),

I am sorry that you are going through this, It is truly amazing how manipulative the "A" can be, but even still the bank is at fault. With all the new privacy laws, you should have had to go down to the bank in person to change the address your statements go to. We all make mistakes, but it seems that you are learning from this, and that is the best we can do. You also seem to have a good plan of action as to how to fix this. And good job on the mountain biking, take care of you.

Much Love,

I am going to setup an account at a new bank today!

 

My brother showed me how to do online banking so I can keep a better watch on things

Thanks for all the support

 

megan

Oh Megan - I am so sorry.  I think it's a fantastic idea/solution to set up a new account at a new bank.  I do online banking and it's GREAT!!!  easy too.

 

Good luck!!!!