Once again, I am feeling like crap.

Today someone asked me what my biggest fear was, and it really made me think. I would have to say that my biggest fear is being like my mother. Isnt that horrible?

Everyday I live life just worrieng if I am going to be like her. If I am going to make the same mistakes that she did. I never get to live a normal teenage life because I am to afraid that I will mess up once and be like her. My grandparents treat me like I am 5, I mean they have good intentions but the just worry about me.

It really hurts to feel like his.

How do I not worry so much???

It is very simple but hard in practise - @ least at first, cuz we have been "worrying" about the A for so long.

Think about you, your extra-curricular activities, schoolwork, friends...  the hopes & dreams you have for your future -- plain & simple, think about you, focus on you.  (i felt a little guilty at first but if we don't think about ourselve's  certainly no one else will.  I know form my own ESH, that the addict thinks of only one thing & how fast they can get it from you, I am beginning to see them like parasites...  sucking out your inner love. 

In AA & NA they teach that A's end up in jail, institutions or death - some courageous ones find sobriety.  All I realized is that I was acting just like the A.  The A throws their life away, they lose their Soul cuz they don't ever nurture it...  the same thing happens to us, we lose our Soul cuz we are giving away all of our love to them & we neglect ourselves.  I am not going to be like that anymore.  I have a lot of patterns & issues I will work on diligently but I refuse to be taken advantage of used or abused anymore!

When you "worry" about your mom - Let Go & Let God - pray she is safe & let it go to HP, put it in his plan's... and know there is a Divine Plan & we all have some involvement in it.  As people we all end up doing what ever it is that we want anyway -- we cannot control other's, we never caused their problems & we cannot cure them.

We can only "cure" ourselves.  Love yourself, focus on yourself & I promise you will find that more positive things will begin opening up for you. 

Keep posting...  the program works when we work it.

Love, peace & Blessings to you, Meg.

Because my four sons were very young when I divorced their father, he wouldn't work, was an A and violent, I always told them "it doesn't matter where you came from you decide where you go"  Keep this in mind when things are tough.  You are in charge of your destiny.  Eleanor Roosevelt said "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. " Keep dreaming and another famous quote from Walt Disney..."It all started with a mouse."  Hang in there.

Hugs Mary

Hey Princess,

I'm still pretty new in Al-Anon, my daughter is my A, and I came in through the worry and anxiety door.  I haven't focused on myself in so long that I have almost forgotten how.  Let's do it together.  How do we start?

Princess, the way i do it, if i get over anxious, i say to myself over and over, everything is ok. After awhile i feel better. I used to carry that horrible anxiety in my gut. Yikes that was awful. One day I surrendered to hp. i gave it allll away. After a long while i just do it naturally. surrender to hp, allow all the bs to go to his care. Then I do the footwork and he brings the outcome. If one thing does not work,I go another way. I guess a lot is not even giving things i have no control over any thought or energy. It is normal for us to not want to be like our moms. Are you very young? Now that i am a woman, I love that i am like mine. But she was not an A either. anyway sending love,debilyn

Hey princess,

So glad you posted!  You are much stronger than you think, sweetie.  I have heard that strength in the messages you sent me.  You will just have to look deep into your heart to know that.  I am sure, with you realizing things now, and trying to deal with them with alanon principles, that you will be okay.  I understand it is a big fear, but I am one of 5 sisters in my family, and the only one who doesn't drink, drug, smoke, whatever.  All the rest of them do.  And remember I told you my dad was a big-time alcoholic, the town drunk, when I was growing up?  Well, see there, I'm living proof that you can have it all around you in your family, and turn out okay! 

Just be strong, and take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Don't worry about the future - just do what you need to do to be a good, sober person TODAY. 

Much love,

Kathi

Hey Princess,

Instead of focusing on what you might become think of what you are already.

Kind, giving, thoughtful, talented.  You are probably miles ahead in the brownie points with HP already.  Your grandparents are probably very protective of you because of your Mum's sickness.  Also it is natural at your age to want to have more independence and feel that the limits you have placed on you are a bit tough.  I have two boys 17 & 20 so I understand where you are coming from.  Maybe if you are feeling a little bit restricted you can reach a compromise with them.  Find something that your really love to do when you are having a crappy day and remember we are always here to listen.  Luv Leo xx

Meg,

Focus on you, do things for yourself. Learn as much as you can about alcoholism. Go to meetings, get a sponsor. These are things I have done for me, so they might help you!

Much Love,

Hi Princess, I have to confess I have long had the very same fear. I think a lot of people have. We swaer up and down we want to do it differently, but worry we won't be able to. Today I know I AM a lot like my mother in a lot of ways, but not all of them are bad. I did pick up on a lot of her "less stellar" (my opinion) ways of handling things, but that makes sense because it's what I learned. Alanon helps me to appreciate the parts of my mom that I've picked up that are great. It also helps me learn how to let go of the habits I don't like so much and pick up better ones. I just spent the weekend with my mom. It wasn't easy. But with the help of Alanon it was easiER than it ever has been before. I'm a work in progress. I get a little better every day. It's the same way with the worrying for me, too. I can easily get caught in worrying about stuff that is out of my hands or too far in the future to bother with. On the airplane yesterday, we hit some rough turbulence, and that went on for about 45 min. So for 45 minutes I chanted the serenity prayer in my head and reminded myself it wasn't my job to fly the plane. I thought good thoughts, like about my husband, who would be waiting for me when my plane landed. My dog I had missed who would be waiting when I got home. And the turbulence passed. You can't think two things at the same time, Princess. So focus on the positive, what you can do, as you can do it, and you'll start seeing little changes when you least expect it :). Hang in there...keep coming back! Kristen