Like people say you can't make someone it just doesn't work. Well On Thursday he went to a meeting. Didn't go all weekend. Said his sponosr doesn't want to go out on the weekend. I don't know if that is true or not. But yesterday I went with my guy friend to AC in NJ and he doesn't really trust this guy. But I didn't realize how much until later in the evening when he came home. He started well why did you go to AC and then the day before u went someone where else. THe room is a mess and yes I should of clean but I didn't an now he was going to punish me for going out. He also like always brings up that he is not going to be paying the bills anymore. Then I tried to keep him in the house and he eanted to go out. I sat near the door and the I realize the min I turn my back for a sec he will be gone. So he left the house angry. I was uspet of course. Then an hour he came back and he finally cooled down and the went to sleep. Then this moring I was still uspet I saw him but I keep my distance I didn't want to be hurt an anything. Then when I went on to the computer I started to talk to them like they were my sponsor and that person was helpfully.
kerry5 said
Oct 31, 2005
As i learned this lesson recently, we can not control any actions of other people. What they say or do. All we can do is control our actions. No one can MAKE you feel or do anything unless you let them, unless you give your power away. ITs what we do in situations that counts, and how we handle them. I can choose to fall with them or i can choose to step back and choose the recovery road which is to not react to negatively. Even if it feels i am being pushed to the limit. I have to let go of my need to want to control other people actions, and the need to defend myself when i feel i am being hurt. I try to remember.. and i have slipped with this recently... i can not do it all the time yet, i do not walk in the shoes of my family, i dont know how they think. All i can do since i am the one in recovery and i am the one trying to work my program, is think before i speak and if i cant do that i try to leave. I also need to learn how to stop beating myself up so much when i do slip and realize that i am human, and i can start again and work to do better the next time around. It is supposed to be easier as everything takes time and practice. Life is a learning experience. I am glad to have this program to turn to and i am glad i can see where i have done wrong, i am starting to realize all this. It can only get better if i continue to recover. I also and this is a big one for me i need to let go of expectations of the fairy tale life i want. I will recover and things will fall as they should. Take the good with the bad learn from each experience and roadblock. The bad ones are truly the toughest lessons to learn, the most powerful ones in my opinion. I dont forget. I forget to look for the good in situations and there is always good, i dont realize it right away, i see it later i am waiting to see what good comes from my recent slip. I htink im back on track god willing you will be to nycbt stop beating yourself up. Be gentle with you.
kerry
-- Edited by kerry5 at 11:52, 2005-10-31
Christy said
Oct 31, 2005
((ny & kerry))
I believe the most important thing when you make a mistake is to own it and recognize it. It's when you keep putting the blame on others and are blind to what your part in it is that you become the victim and continue to be.
Be proud of yourselves for recognizing, dealing and admitting.
Christy
bd said
Oct 31, 2005
The hardest thing i found for my self was admitting I had no control over what the A's in my life did. It drove me friggen crazy.....until I realized and just let it go. The only thing i could control was my life....and made changes that I could live with. I hope this helps.....is still struggle with it today in every aspect of my life. I guess this comes from the lack of control I had growing up and now I feel the need to be in control all the time. You are not alone in your struggle.
Like people say you can't make someone it just doesn't work. Well On Thursday he went to a meeting. Didn't go all weekend. Said his sponosr doesn't want to go out on the weekend. I don't know if that is true or not. But yesterday I went with my guy friend to AC in NJ and he doesn't really trust this guy. But I didn't realize how much until later in the evening when he came home. He started well why did you go to AC and then the day before u went someone where else. THe room is a mess and yes I should of clean but I didn't an now he was going to punish me for going out. He also like always brings up that he is not going to be paying the bills anymore. Then I tried to keep him in the house and he eanted to go out. I sat near the door and the I realize the min I turn my back for a sec he will be gone. So he left the house angry. I was uspet of course. Then an hour he came back and he finally cooled down and the went to sleep. Then this moring I was still uspet I saw him but I keep my distance I didn't want to be hurt an anything. Then when I went on to the computer I started to talk to them like they were my sponsor and that person was helpfully.
As i learned this lesson recently, we can not control any actions of other people. What they say or do. All we can do is control our actions. No one can MAKE you feel or do anything unless you let them, unless you give your power away. ITs what we do in situations that counts, and how we handle them. I can choose to fall with them or i can choose to step back and choose the recovery road which is to not react to negatively. Even if it feels i am being pushed to the limit. I have to let go of my need to want to control other people actions, and the need to defend myself when i feel i am being hurt. I try to remember.. and i have slipped with this recently... i can not do it all the time yet, i do not walk in the shoes of my family, i dont know how they think. All i can do since i am the one in recovery and i am the one trying to work my program, is think before i speak and if i cant do that i try to leave. I also need to learn how to stop beating myself up so much when i do slip and realize that i am human, and i can start again and work to do better the next time around. It is supposed to be easier as everything takes time and practice. Life is a learning experience. I am glad to have this program to turn to and i am glad i can see where i have done wrong, i am starting to realize all this. It can only get better if i continue to recover. I also and this is a big one for me i need to let go of expectations of the fairy tale life i want. I will recover and things will fall as they should. Take the good with the bad learn from each experience and roadblock. The bad ones are truly the toughest lessons to learn, the most powerful ones in my opinion. I dont forget. I forget to look for the good in situations and there is always good, i dont realize it right away, i see it later i am waiting to see what good comes from my recent slip. I htink im back on track god willing you will be to nycbt stop beating yourself up. Be gentle with you.
kerry
-- Edited by kerry5 at 11:52, 2005-10-31
The hardest thing i found for my self was admitting I had no control over what the A's in my life did. It drove me friggen crazy.....until I realized and just let it go. The only thing i could control was my life....and made changes that I could live with. I hope this helps.....is still struggle with it today in every aspect of my life. I guess this comes from the lack of control I had growing up and now I feel the need to be in control all the time. You are not alone in your struggle.
Brandie