I'm fairly new here but not new to the life. I've been with my A for over 3 years so I know how they think and how they work. Anyway, I've been reading the posts and honestly I don't know how to respond. I know some of you have been on this journey longer than me and still struggle. I mainly just want to say that it's tough. I mean, really tough when you love someone. My A has been drinking and smoking pot since he was 14 years old and thinks it's just a way of life. Right now he's really trying, seeing a counselor and doctor. They want to put him in detox for 4 or 5 days and monitor him with meds and whatnot. He really IS trying but one thing I've learned by reading and coming here is for once in my life I need to look out for and take care of me. I'm trying. I haven't been to a one on one meeting here yet. That's my next step. Thank you for reading this.
My wish for you all is that tomoroww is a better day. :)
Cathy
UncleLou said
Oct 30, 2005
Cathy wrote:
... I've been with my A for over 3 years so I know how they think and how they work....
I've been an active alcoholic for over 20 years and in recovery the last 2. If you know how we think and work, please let me in on it. I've been working my ass off trying to figure it out so I could explain it to my wife.
Lou
PS. good luck on your journey, I'll say a prayer for you and yours
-- Edited by UncleLou at 16:04, 2005-10-30
Cathy said
Oct 30, 2005
Lou, I don't have to tell you if you know. My experience is this.....an alcoholic will lie about anything just to admit that they don't know anything. Come on! We're not stupid. I know your wife is not stupid but an alcoholic will do whatever it takes to make peace. They will hide, lie, act so stupid. Sometimes I even wonder if they even know what is going on. Make sense? Please write back. I'd love to talk with you more about this.
Cathy
UncleLou said
Oct 30, 2005
Yeah, that pretty much descibes the last few years before I got sober. The tricky part is that I worked very hard, and am still working, on changing all that insane behavior. It's not like you just flip a switch and everything is healthy all at once. Some defects take a lot longer than others to come into awareness, let alone work on and change. And everyone is different. I repressed and stuffed so much stuff about my childhood with my drinking that it took me a long time to see how insecure I was and that I truly suffered from low self esteem. The hardest part is trying to put a finger on how we think and work while everything is changing (for the better I hope) But I consider myself an extremely honest person today, my sobriety relies on that.
Lou
Cathy said
Oct 30, 2005
Lou, I hear you. I'm also a very honest person and sometimes my honesty gets me into trouble. Yes, we are all different. I'm so sorry that you had to drink to hide your childhood. Believe me.........I hear you. I really do. :)
Cathy
Jeannie said
Oct 30, 2005
(((Cathy)))
Yes, all you can do is take care of you.
If they put him in detox, it is where he is meant to be.
It doesn't matter how long anyone has traveled the raod with an active alcoholic, it still can hurt, and it is still confusing. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, every time I think I have him figured out, he throws a curve ball. This disease is baffling, and while sometimes predictable and almost textbook, each person, makes it unique.
Keep working your program, and taking care of you.
I'm fairly new here but not new to the life. I've been with my A for over 3 years so I know how they think and how they work. Anyway, I've been reading the posts and honestly I don't know how to respond. I know some of you have been on this journey longer than me and still struggle. I mainly just want to say that it's tough. I mean, really tough when you love someone. My A has been drinking and smoking pot since he was 14 years old and thinks it's just a way of life. Right now he's really trying, seeing a counselor and doctor. They want to put him in detox for 4 or 5 days and monitor him with meds and whatnot. He really IS trying but one thing I've learned by reading and coming here is for once in my life I need to look out for and take care of me. I'm trying. I haven't been to a one on one meeting here yet. That's my next step. Thank you for reading this.
My wish for you all is that tomoroww is a better day. :)
Cathy
-- Edited by UncleLou at 16:04, 2005-10-30
Lou, I don't have to tell you if you know. My experience is this.....an alcoholic will lie about anything just to admit that they don't know anything. Come on! We're not stupid. I know your wife is not stupid but an alcoholic will do whatever it takes to make peace. They will hide, lie, act so stupid. Sometimes I even wonder if they even know what is going on. Make sense? Please write back. I'd love to talk with you more about this.
Cathy
Yeah, that pretty much descibes the last few years before I got sober. The tricky part is that I worked very hard, and am still working, on changing all that insane behavior. It's not like you just flip a switch and everything is healthy all at once. Some defects take a lot longer than others to come into awareness, let alone work on and change. And everyone is different. I repressed and stuffed so much stuff about my childhood with my drinking that it took me a long time to see how insecure I was and that I truly suffered from low self esteem. The hardest part is trying to put a finger on how we think and work while everything is changing (for the better I hope) But I consider myself an extremely honest person today, my sobriety relies on that.
Lou
Lou, I hear you. I'm also a very honest person and sometimes my honesty gets me into trouble. Yes, we are all different. I'm so sorry that you had to drink to hide your childhood. Believe me.........I hear you. I really do. :)
Cathy
(((Cathy)))
Yes, all you can do is take care of you.
If they put him in detox, it is where he is meant to be.
It doesn't matter how long anyone has traveled the raod with an active alcoholic, it still can hurt, and it is still confusing. My husband and I have been together for 20 years, every time I think I have him figured out, he throws a curve ball. This disease is baffling, and while sometimes predictable and almost textbook, each person, makes it unique.
Keep working your program, and taking care of you.
Love Jeannie