Hey Friends

Need some honest advise here.  My ex's current girlfriend is having a baby in 6 weeks.  This child will be my daughters half sibling.  I have the upmost respect for his girlfriend...she is great with my daughter and treats her like her own when shes there for visits.  One time when they were fighting...it was she who called me to come and get my daughter because she didn't believe it was safe for her to be there.  Anyway my delima is.....my daughter wants to buy the baby a gift.  I have mixed feelings about this because her dad won't even buy her a pair of shoes or help support her in anyway.  I know its not the unborn childs fault or the girlfriends...but this man has done nothing to help me raise our child and I am having an issue over spending money to help them with there;s.  I know its petty and stupid but yes...i am very uncomfortable about the whole thing.  Some outside advise on this would be greatly appreciated.

Brandie

I don't know how old your daughter is....but if she is young you could help her pick something approipriate.  Kids do not reconginize that they are being slighted by a parent, it is usually the other parent that notices.  Kids love for the sake of loving.  A new baby is exciting for anyone, I think a gift would be nice for your daughter to give to her new brother or sister.

Hugs Mary

Brandie, Well said Mary. Another option is perhaps making a gift. Paint a wooden box, add some rub on decals, and there you go. A keepsake for the baby's special tokens. I think it's wonderful that you've raised such a loving, caring, and giving daughter. Be proud of your daughter for being so thoughtful. A gift doesn't have to be expensive to mean something special. All it has to do is come from the heart. The reason she wants to do this is because she's thankful for the bond she's established with your ex's girlfriend. Maybe it's her way of thanking her for treating her so nicely. I don't think that's a bad thing. At least you know that this woman is looking out for your daughter. That's got to be a comfort. Live strong, Karilynn

The dear children are innocent db. Please allow your daughter to give her new little sibling a gift. Don't start their relationship together out on the wrong foot. It need not be much, but a token of your daughter's love for her new sister/brother is appropriate. Best wishes, Diva

I think you should let your daughter buy the baby a little something.  It doesn't have to be expensive at all.  Even a cute little stuffed animal.  It's a nice gesture your daughter wants to do and I would most definatley encourage it.  If you didn't, think about what you would be teaching her?

Hi,

This is going to be her little brother or sister. I think it is wonderful that she wants to buy a present. It is not about her Dad, it is about her new little sibling. Babies are innocent, and in a family that is two seperate families anything they can do to help cement the sibling relationship should be encouraged. Your daughter obviously has a wonderful heart. Keep encouraging it. Let her pick out something small and special to welcome the baby. You won't be doing it for him, but in spite of him.

                        Love Jeannie

bd-

This is not really about your ex or what he does or doesn't do-- it is about your daughter wanting to do something that's just so purely loving and kind. If you are considering not letting her do this, what is your motive? If it is to retaliate in some way toward your ex, to teach him some kind of lesson, or to advance any agenda other than allowing your daughter to express her childlike unselfish kindness for others, my experience suggests it will only create problems for you later.

On the other hand, to consider a small gift for the baby...what a nice way for your daughter to welcome her new sibling, with whom she will have lifelong ties regardless of the circumstances, and what a nice, subtle way to show you appreciate the baby's mother caring so much for your child! Encouraging your daughter to give gifts without attachments and to behave with kindness is a valuable lesson, and one that you have an opportunity to teach her here...

Good luck!

Emmie

-- Edited by Emmie11 at 18:30, 2005-10-29

 I had the same thing happen to me my daughter wanted to buy a gift for her new brother. i let her pick out something nice, other wise she would have been hurt. i couldn't stand the girl and i still let her buy something.  i even took her to the hospital to see her brother when he was born. when my daughter was born my ex wasnt there. he cheated on  me  with her when i was pregnant and i really wanted him there. it was so hard for me to bring my daughter to see her brother. i had a lot of hurt & anger that he didn't do right by me.  now he wanted my daughter there. any way we make alot of sacrafices for our children. don't think of it as not wanting to give him anything think of it as making your daughter happy. you could get a bib that says my sister loves me you can even go to the dollar store and let her pick out a few things they have tons of baby stuff and put them in a gift bag. as a mom you want your daughter to be happy, she is probaly so excited.   every birthday, christmas and every holiday we buy her brother something. he is so cute.

good luck

hugs chrissy