You are reading from the book Food for Thought </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=33>.
Food Is Not Home
Breaking abstinence may be an attempt to go home emotionally. Since we associate food, and especially certain foods, with early experience, we may turn to food when we crave the emotional support of home.Perhaps our early home life did not provide the emotional support and security we needed, causing us to attach a false significance to the food, which we were given. The habit of turning to food and eating as a substitute for love, acceptance, and security may be deeply ingrained in our psyche. We may have come to depend on food instead of people to satisfy our emotional needs.
#######ROSIE....i got NO support NO love NO affection hardly nothing from home, so yes, i glommed onto food to fill that emptyness inside of me that felt like the grand canyon......i remember one day in particular i was being yelled at by the perp AS usual, and there was a box of oreos on the table....it was full, and i dipped my hands into it and ate and ate and ate till i was almost ready to vomit.....i didn't get sick, but i was stuffed to the max.....i would drink milk till i was ready to burst.....thank goodness i have good matabolism because i have never been more than 15# over weight which i am now and i think this is a throwback to my *grief layers* and my eating to comfort myself through them. also menopause has had somethign to do with it......but really with my sports, and my matabolism, i have been lucky......cause food and beer/wine have been my comforters......i never KNEW what emotional support and security was...it was NON exhistent....so food/ *things* beer/wine even more pets than what i needed to fill that awful emptyness and lonliness......i didn't understand that i have to fill ME with ME!!!!! ...i still have to watch the food/ drink thing especially during these greif cycles that are not done yet.....also i am facing possible job loss due to this economy not getting better, and our company is into its 3rd bad year....we can't go on like this, so at 59 i may be out of a job AGAIN!!!! always threats to my security and i am tired of it.....my basic needs being met are once again under seige......its like *same ole s**t diferent day* and the only thing i can do (recovery tools) is to say f*** it and detach.....i prayed an angry prayer to God this am, and said "ok, if U R takin away my job??? just do what you gotta do-- i am walking away-- DETACHING"......for 3 years, my boss, bless her heart has told me "rosie i don't know how long we can go like this...things are just not picking up for us...other construction companies are workin, but not us"....i didn't know what to tell her, but there are not many jobs in the event we all end up *bellying up*.....so another angry prayer at HP to the effect that "hey when do i get some peace???? when does this old horse get to rest???" so i DECIDE to let it go!!!! i am DONE with this worrying about stuff over which i am powerless crap!!!!!! so yeah, the temptation to *get a buz* is big...but what is that gonna prove??? tomorow i'll wake up with a hangover and SAME circumstances WITH a toxic body!!!!!!! so i am *walkin away from it* i am working today.....its like my life is on a tightrope....soo tentative....not much to fall back on and i WAS homeless on two occasions...once for 4 days.....the other for 2....so i have *been there* God DID let me go the limit....and i am tired!!! sick of the crap1!!! so i cling to my program to try and stay serene as my basic needs are under threat AGAIN!!!!!!
The problem is, of course, that food is not a satisfactory substitute for love and acceptance. However much we eat, the emotional satisfaction will be only temporary and soon disintegrate into despair and self-hatred. The home we crave can best be built here and now by working the OA program and loving the people our Higher Power gives us to love today......May I realize that food is not home.
#####ROSIE....no but i can forgive me for tryin....when i are alone ALL my life....poor ALL my life.....struggling ALL my life and it seems to go on and on and on, it gets old!!!! i just hate comparing myself to others, but i see women younger than me, retired, homes paid for, having it easier than the past, and life is just hard hard and may get HARDER for me......i am sick of it!!!!! but i have the program now, so i work it....i will do my BEST to take care of me....drink more water to flush out these negative emotions i have been feeling....i am in another grief cycle and my boss *lays this on me*.....than my niece tells me to f*** off and get out of her life....no phone call to make amends....and i keeeeeep detaching...keeeeeep focusing on me/today......keeeeep trying to make GOOD karma.......my thoughts today?????? today i am working.........today i will make wage......today i have better attitude about me..........today i am sober............today i am not stuffing my guts with junk food..........today i feel like crap!!!!!! i just keep thinking if i keep treating me good/ taking care of me the karma will change.....i am gonna change that to "the karma CAN change" meaning it may or may not.....i just gotta *go it* one day at a time............thank you for listening.....
debilyn said
Oct 28, 2005
hi, i have never responded to your posts becuz i cannot quite figure out if it is you or are you
copying something or both?
I see this time it looks like both. (c: i like the way you vent. This one is great. I see ya getting
stuff out then looking at the positive.
rosie, i have been where you are. The insecurity, the being so tired. I finally gave
it to hp. I was so sick and tired I just gave in, surrendered. I tell ya ever since than i have done
the footwork, and hp takes care of the outcome. Sometimes i have to
redo the footwork, try something else.
But I am not kidding, now years later, I rarely am concerned anymore. Things always
work out. I have no doubt they will work out. faith frees you.
I am disabled, severe osteo arth. IBS, migraines, depression. I am on disability. Well
it got messed up. I could pay one thing but not the other, have power or food. oNe
of those things. I was not concerned. I call my mortgage co. they worked with me.
My payment is in half, (house) and the next two months they are a couple hundred less.
Then we are going to redo the payment in Feb.
Things work out.
I had to go thru scarey stuff until I figured this out. Hp was and is there.
Will you get unemployment. I would go thru my options. What was important to me was
making sure I would not lose my home. I have an animal sanctuary and am retired and just takin care of who i have now. This was my priority.
So I rarely leave here, I don't shop, don't buy foofoo stuff. I am most comfy in my
overalls and a sweatshirt. i do have nice dresses and nice shoes too. But I don't have a need to shop.
I had to change things to keep what really meant something to me.
Anyway lotsa hugs to you. i have faith you will find something better.
love,debilyn
Christy said
Oct 28, 2005
i am DONE with this worrying about stuff over which i am powerless crap!!!!!!
Good for you Rosie, that's a refreshing thing to hear !!!
Christy
jrtjosey said
Oct 28, 2005
rosie - just 12 step whatever the problem is. Whatever you are powerless over.
hugs, josey
Maria123 said
Oct 28, 2005
((((((((((((((Rosie)))))))))))))))))))),
Here are your hugs :). One of the greatest things, I learned in Al Anon is that I could start over new any time I wanted to. Each day if need be. Try taking one day at a time not stuffing your feelings. Each day that you are successful, your confidence will build, you will begin to make better decisions for yourself in a loving, caring way.
yours in recovery,
Maria123
cdb said
Oct 29, 2005
Hello Rosie, I will be starting my OA journey soon. MY attraction to food started when i was 7 and molested. I have one year blocked out of my life due to the molestation from some mexican baby sitters. I never shared with anyone about this due to something said about killing my family. Food became a comfort for me. Then when I was a pre-teen I was tall for my age but not overweight. Our family doctor thought if I could only lose 5 to 10 pounds then that would make me good with the growth charts for that age group. I look back at those pictures now and I was not overweight one bit. My mom back then thought doctors were a God. So he put me on diet pills which are the same as speed pills today. That is when I started to sneak food at the small grocery stores so my mom wouldn't see me fail the diet. Thus my long time battle with food continued. Food today has alot of power over me and I am in the process of surrendering this to my HP. I didn't know it would be so difficult but evidentally it is like taking my safety raft away in the middle of the ocean and not being able to swim. I have to do something though since my weight is at the point where I am developing diabetes, higher blood pressure,,,knee arthritis,,etc. And then on top of that I am almost 50 and my brother had a heart attack at 50. So I can feel the struggle that you talk about in your post and empathize with you. Good luck and keep on posting. cdb OOPs,,,,forgot to give you your hug (((((((((((((((((((supportive hugs rosie))))))))))))))))))))))
You are reading from the book Food for Thought </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=33>.
Food Is Not Home
Breaking abstinence may be an attempt to go home emotionally. Since we associate food, and especially certain foods, with early experience, we may turn to food when we crave the emotional support of home.Perhaps our early home life did not provide the emotional support and security we needed, causing us to attach a false significance to the food, which we were given. The habit of turning to food and eating as a substitute for love, acceptance, and security may be deeply ingrained in our psyche. We may have come to depend on food instead of people to satisfy our emotional needs.
#######ROSIE....i got NO support NO love NO affection hardly nothing from home, so yes, i glommed onto food to fill that emptyness inside of me that felt like the grand canyon......i remember one day in particular i was being yelled at by the perp AS usual, and there was a box of oreos on the table....it was full, and i dipped my hands into it and ate and ate and ate till i was almost ready to vomit.....i didn't get sick, but i was stuffed to the max.....i would drink milk till i was ready to burst.....thank goodness i have good matabolism because i have never been more than 15# over weight which i am now and i think this is a throwback to my *grief layers* and my eating to comfort myself through them. also menopause has had somethign to do with it......but really with my sports, and my matabolism, i have been lucky......cause food and beer/wine have been my comforters......i never KNEW what emotional support and security was...it was NON exhistent....so food/ *things* beer/wine even more pets than what i needed to fill that awful emptyness and lonliness......i didn't understand that i have to fill ME with ME!!!!! ...i still have to watch the food/ drink thing especially during these greif cycles that are not done yet.....also i am facing possible job loss due to this economy not getting better, and our company is into its 3rd bad year....we can't go on like this, so at 59 i may be out of a job AGAIN!!!! always threats to my security and i am tired of it.....my basic needs being met are once again under seige......its like *same ole s**t diferent day* and the only thing i can do (recovery tools) is to say f*** it and detach.....i prayed an angry prayer to God this am, and said "ok, if U R takin away my job??? just do what you gotta do-- i am walking away-- DETACHING"......for 3 years, my boss, bless her heart has told me "rosie i don't know how long we can go like this...things are just not picking up for us...other construction companies are workin, but not us"....i didn't know what to tell her, but there are not many jobs in the event we all end up *bellying up*.....so another angry prayer at HP to the effect that "hey when do i get some peace???? when does this old horse get to rest???" so i DECIDE to let it go!!!! i am DONE with this worrying about stuff over which i am powerless crap!!!!!! so yeah, the temptation to *get a buz* is big...but what is that gonna prove??? tomorow i'll wake up with a hangover and SAME circumstances WITH a toxic body!!!!!!! so i am *walkin away from it* i am working today.....its like my life is on a tightrope....soo tentative....not much to fall back on and i WAS homeless on two occasions...once for 4 days.....the other for 2....so i have *been there* God DID let me go the limit....and i am tired!!! sick of the crap1!!! so i cling to my program to try and stay serene as my basic needs are under threat AGAIN!!!!!!
The problem is, of course, that food is not a satisfactory substitute for love and acceptance. However much we eat, the emotional satisfaction will be only temporary and soon disintegrate into despair and self-hatred. The home we crave can best be built here and now by working the OA program and loving the people our Higher Power gives us to love today......May I realize that food is not home.
#####ROSIE....no but i can forgive me for tryin....when i are alone ALL my life....poor ALL my life.....struggling ALL my life and it seems to go on and on and on, it gets old!!!! i just hate comparing myself to others, but i see women younger than me, retired, homes paid for, having it easier than the past, and life is just hard hard and may get HARDER for me......i am sick of it!!!!! but i have the program now, so i work it....i will do my BEST to take care of me....drink more water to flush out these negative emotions i have been feeling....i am in another grief cycle and my boss *lays this on me*.....than my niece tells me to f*** off and get out of her life....no phone call to make amends....and i keeeeeep detaching...keeeeeep focusing on me/today......keeeeep trying to make GOOD karma.......my thoughts today?????? today i am working.........today i will make wage......today i have better attitude about me..........today i am sober............today i am not stuffing my guts with junk food..........today i feel like crap!!!!!! i just keep thinking if i keep treating me good/ taking care of me the karma will change.....i am gonna change that to "the karma CAN change" meaning it may or may not.....i just gotta *go it* one day at a time............thank you for listening.....
rosie - just 12 step whatever the problem is. Whatever you are powerless over.
hugs, josey
((((((((((((((Rosie)))))))))))))))))))),
Here are your hugs :). One of the greatest things, I learned in Al Anon is that I could start over new any time I wanted to. Each day if need be. Try taking one day at a time not stuffing your feelings. Each day that you are successful, your confidence will build, you will begin to make better decisions for yourself in a loving, caring way.
yours in recovery,
Maria123
I will be starting my OA journey soon. MY attraction to food started when i was 7 and molested. I have one year blocked out of my life due to the molestation from some mexican baby sitters. I never shared with anyone about this due to something said about killing my family. Food became a comfort for me. Then when I was a pre-teen I was tall for my age but not overweight. Our family doctor thought if I could only lose 5 to 10 pounds then that would make me good with the growth charts for that age group. I look back at those pictures now and I was not overweight one bit. My mom back then thought doctors were a God. So he put me on diet pills which are the same as speed pills today. That is when I started to sneak food at the small grocery stores so my mom wouldn't see me fail the diet. Thus my long time battle with food continued. Food today has alot of power over me and I am in the process of surrendering this to my HP. I didn't know it would be so difficult but evidentally it is like taking my safety raft away in the middle of the ocean and not being able to swim. I have to do something though since my weight is at the point where I am developing diabetes, higher blood pressure,,,knee arthritis,,etc. And then on top of that I am almost 50 and my brother had a heart attack at 50. So I can feel the struggle that you talk about in your post and empathize with you. Good luck and keep on posting. cdb OOPs,,,,forgot to give you your hug (((((((((((((((((((supportive hugs rosie))))))))))))))))))))))
-- Edited by cdb at 05:28, 2005-10-29