If I didn't have you guys, I would surely maybe  cease to exist. Sad but true. You are my lifeline and so far have never failed me. Maybe a person with chronic pain and depression shouldn't be here at his chatroom but here I am. I am going to attend a 5 week mental health program starting wednesday to help me cope better with my sick parents, marital problems and daughter's alcoholism/drug addiction. There are so  many things I have no control over now. I have been praying for God to save and mend my marriage. I pray for my daughter to remain clean and sober. I am not sure what to pray for my ill parents who both have such chronic dealthy illnesses. Dad's breathing will not get better and he also has parkinsons and heart problems. Mom's alzheimers will not get better and seems to be progressing faster than normal. She has been falling lately too. :( I am the only sibling that is available to help them and can only do the best I can with my chronic pain disability and depression. Like my psychiatrist said, he doesn't know how I do it. I have so much on my plate right now he is surprised I am not taking 4  xanax a day which is the max. He has been my doctor for over  10 years. I got my flu shot today so not to spread it to my elder parents and for my own health poblems. I am starting up accupuncture for my chronic pain. The  accupuncturist says I am between a rock and a hard place with my health and healping my parents. I did get accupuncturist  on my knees today. The most important thing I am lacking is the support from my husband. He does try a little is all.  HE is focsuing on me and calling me fat, lazy, and that I chat all the time. HE does not do house work and sits and calls the hosue a pit. It really isn't that bad but he sees it that way and sees it as my fault. He even said, YEH< Go ahead and runaway to your mom and dads and leave the houe a pit!! Of which I got up  at 4 am and cleaned until 7am. Then woke up at 12pm and cleaned the dirty rusty shower out for an hour until it looks nice. YOU think I got one bit of a notice of what I did from him? HEll NO! Was i expecting it? HEll NO! IT is all a game to keep me from enjoying my life and my parents. I may go to their house tomorrow or sat and see them and fufill my needs. IN the meant time I will still pray that HP works on my spouse so he sees the real me and learns to hold me ,,,,,,say i love you or just  hold my hand again. Lack of affection is destroying me! Babies die when non one holds them! I feel like i m dying! I hate the spot I am in right now especially sine I am turning 50 on Nov. 19th. I guess all I want to do is spend it with my mom and dad and husband would be good too. Who knows how many years mom will know who I still am :( I need help to keep up my energy to hang in for mom and dad. Please say prayers for any of this  if you feel a need to. Thanks. cdb will still follow my alanon steps too. But need something extra now in my life to keep me alive!!!!!! cdb

-- Edited by cdb at 06:10, 2005-10-28

((((((cdb,)))))))) That's what we're here for. You do the same for us. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Live strong, Karilynn

((((((((Cdb)))))))))))

I am always thinking of you and have you in my prayers!!!

Do what you need to keep yourself healthy.  You a great person don't forget that!!!!

Just the things you have done for so many on this board make you a beautiful person and I mean that.  I think you are terriffic!!!

You have my prayers so does you mom and dad, daughter and I pray for your grumpy husband too.  I pray that he will wake up and realize what he takes for granted!!!!

 some flowers for you my friend and a smile to cheer you up and this one is for your grumpy hubby from me

Love your friend
JJ

cdb:

You post how you continue to pray for your parents, your daughter and anyone else in your life-- but I don't see that you typed that you are praying for yourself.  Keep in mind that God wants us to come to Him with open heart of all we feel.  Cast your anxiety, depression and anything else you feel on Him and let Him heal you.  Only then can you be strong enough to help others in your life.  :)   God loves you and wants you to take care of YOU--  He'll take care of the rest.  Hope that makes sense.  Also, can you send me your email address?  :)   I'd like to share some things with you via personal email if you don't mind. 

((((((((((cdb)))))))))) Rememeber that I love you and you are encreditable special talented lady with a big heart of love!!! Hang in there and pleases keep in mind that you are in my thoughts very day!!! I love you CDB I would love to be there presonally to give you a big hug and tell you how very special you are..... I know you need to see it for your yourself how truely special you are!!!!! I am on my way to Stanta FE I will hopefully see you this eveing on chatt!!!! Love you ((((((((((((((((((CDB))))))))))))))))))) BUBBLES123

Sending prayers for all of you, especially for you and hubby, Love TLC

((((((((((((((((CDB))))))))))),

A hug from me to you. Please know that you are loved and appreciated.

I am glad that you are doing some things for you. Keep it up.

You are in my prayers.

Much Love,

(((CDB)))

Extra hugs and prayers coming your way. Remember the anecdote about airplanes, how they say to put your oxygen mask on first and then that of the small child/infirm person you are assisting ,cause you can't help them if you're unconscious yourself!!!  There's a lot of truth to that.  Good luck with your counseling program, and enjoy your time with your parents. 

Your hubby sounds a lot like mine (except mine is an alcoholic); when it comes to being supportive he just doesn't have it in him.  Accept that as something you cannot change, and continue taking care of you. 

Take care my friend.

Thank you all for your supportive and loving replies. I guess when I vent I don't expect replies so they are extra special. Venting seems to help get out of me what is inside of me which is healthy according to my psychologist. I guess I do forget to pray for me, sanndie. Thanks for pointing that out. When I am depressed like this, it seems I don't really care about me anyway. I better start doing some praying like you said. I am sore today from my 2 days of accupuncture and am trying to rest and take it easy. I have this urge to go see my parents but I know I really need to stay home and relax and get some things done before I go into the program. So, I guess I will pray about that too. I am thinking of inviting my parents here too. Then, I need to calm down and realize there is not rush on things. Relax should be the word of the day for me and to stay CAlM like I tell other people. Gosh, I am just so confused these days. God Bless you for your replies. CDB ((((((((((((hugs))))))))

cdb>>>>>>>"Maybe a person with chronic pain and depression shouldn't be here at his chatroom but here I am.

 

rosie>>>>>>> you belong JUST as much as anyone else....pain is pain...doesn't matter about the where/ how.....pain is pain and yours is just as important as mine.......hugs/rosie