Barbara,
Welcome to the family. Mind games are what addicts do. It's how they feed their addiction. How do you not fall victim? By concentrating on your recovery. Even if he decides to stay active it doesn't mean that you have to loose yourself in his disease. As you recover you find things out about yourself that will make you stronger and wiser.
Be forewarned, my A is recovering and every once in a while I still fall "victim" to his old ways (not so that he can go out and drink as he is in a halfway house). But I know that I'm getting better because I see the role I played in it. They have to learn how to change their behavior once they are sober and I have to learn how to react to that. So both of us have to recover. Your recovery has to be about you and you alone. Because if he chooses to get sober or stay active you no longer have to be the victim of his disease. It's about taking back your life.
Live strong,
Karilynn
Lauren ashley said
Oct 27, 2005
Yes my dad always used to play mind games with me. I am 17 and didn't know whether i was coming or going. It hurts, but you are not the only one to fall victim... I did, and it hurt
Lauren~
Jeannie said
Oct 27, 2005
Hi Barbara,
Mind games are one of the things they do best. My husband loves to tell me something and then change the story, then he will argue it until the cows come home that he never said something or that I am twisiting his words around. Then he will say, okay before you start an argument lets drop it. Acting like he is being the peacekeeper and I am nuts. Then he gets his Mother to back him up that he was right and I am trying to start a fight. Everyone of these incidents ends with "oh and you wonder why I drink."
The best thing to do is just ignore it and try and walk away. If you let them draw you into their games you can't win. No matter what, they manage to make you look like the nut. Just keep telling yourslef that it's the disease and the guilt and all the other sick stuff talking and worry about your own issues and your own health. If you don't take the bait, even if they start, it is no fun to argue alone, so they walk away. Probably with a comment to try and still pull you in, so just ignore it.
Boy does my alcoholic husband love playing them.
How do I not fall victim?
Yes my dad always used to play mind games with me. I am 17 and didn't know whether i was coming or going. It hurts, but you are not the only one to fall victim... I did, and it hurt
Lauren~
Hi Barbara,
Mind games are one of the things they do best. My husband loves to tell me something and then change the story, then he will argue it until the cows come home that he never said something or that I am twisiting his words around. Then he will say, okay before you start an argument lets drop it. Acting like he is being the peacekeeper and I am nuts. Then he gets his Mother to back him up that he was right and I am trying to start a fight. Everyone of these incidents ends with "oh and you wonder why I drink."
The best thing to do is just ignore it and try and walk away. If you let them draw you into their games you can't win. No matter what, they manage to make you look like the nut. Just keep telling yourslef that it's the disease and the guilt and all the other sick stuff talking and worry about your own issues and your own health. If you don't take the bait, even if they start, it is no fun to argue alone, so they walk away. Probably with a comment to try and still pull you in, so just ignore it.
Love Jeannie