I am 17 years old, and from the ages of 3 -11. I was sexually molested by my father. I still have nightmares thinking it is still happening. The most frightening thing of all is that he wasnt the only person, when I was 3 years old I was first sexually molested by my neighbor, who was also at the time molesting his daughter who was around 4 at the time. I only remember him putting me into a tub and taking her and I a bath and fondling us down there. I guess being as young as I was I told my dad. That wasn't a very good idea because he used that as an excuse to it to me. I have confronted him recently and he says that I came on to him. What a xxxx he is.i hope he dies. Im soo dumb I went to go live with him, bad idea. I only got out out bc I went to skool one day with a black eye. My counselor saved me. I seriously her my hero. i know that if I had stayed there any longer I would not be here to today. That was so frightening. Guess what?? He is not getting punished for any of it. It sucks also because while I was over there his girl friend molested me also. It started with her trying to check if I had cut myself, because that is what I had turned to and then it was her accidentally walking in on me while I was taking a shower. Anyways I had a very tough life. I lived with my mom's parent's until i was about 3, and at that time i lived with both my mom and dad. I guess that's when it started. My parents split when I was 10 and I lived again with my grandparents until about last summer. Since my brother Matthew went to go live with my dad I was feeling very uneasy, knowing what he is and is capable of. I went to go live with him only to get my brother, Matthew out. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my whole entire life. He was nice at first then he tried to molest me again. Over there he beat me with plates, his hands and any other object. I only recently got out by telling my school I hate him with extreme passion. He has truly screwed up my life forever.
When I was born my mom was only 15 so I lived with
-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 23rd of March 2009 11:47:37 AM
afglin said
Oct 26, 2005
Thanks for sharing your story. I know it was tough to write it all down. I am amazed at how much better I feel when I write out my feelings. It works for me even if I delete it after I write.
First of all...WELCOME. Know that you are not alone in your situation. Mine is not as horrific as yours, but it is similar. Both of my parents were alkies. I grew up in a home where there was fighting and throwing things and drinking. There was no support and encourgement from the adults. There was verbal and physical abuse to the 4 kids, but no sexual abuse.
First of all..keep in mind non of this is YOUR FAULT. Adults have no right to abuse children. Children dont bring this kind of thing on themselves. it is a power thing...by SICK adults. You cant cause another person to abuse you. You can cause them to drink or to stop drinking. That comes from THEM.
You did nto say where you are staying now..jsut that you got out. I am pleased to hear that. Even foster care is beter than being in an abusive home. Foster parents are usually very loving and caring people. They are checked out by the courts often. I hope you are in a safe place right now.
I do hope you will talk to your school counselors. They can help you work out the anger and confusion you are feling. In another post you said you'd like to die. You said you are corrupt. You are only 17. You ahve your whole life ahead of you./ You have the power within you to make y9our life better. Start today. You can go to college. You can get a great job. You can meet a wonderful man, marry and have a family of your own. You can have a career. it's all up to you. So dont think wishing to die is the best option for you right now.
And lauren...saying you are CORRUPT? Not so. The adults around you who hurt you are the corrupt ones. They are SICK. Alcoholism is a disease. they are sick with that. They are also SICK in their actions toward you and other children. Caring, loving, healthy adults woudlnever dream of molesting a child.
I wish I could be your online sponsor...but I have two jobs and that keeps me too busy to take on another task right now. i WILL drop in here from time to time to check on you. Post and i will reply.
Have you checked out alateen in your area? It is for childrem who grew up with an alcoholic parent. It's free. If that does not work...you are nearly an adult at 17. you might try a local AlANon meeting. The human contact is much bettter than jstu an email contact. The email and internet boards and chat are wonderful for those in-between meeting times.
Please get in a safe place. Do what you ahve to to be safe. remember you are not alone inthis. many adults today had similar childhoods. With alanon and counseling they are well-adjusted and happy adults. So it IS possible to put this nightmare behind you and find happiness.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Please post here again. We care.
LIN
leo said
Oct 26, 2005
Hi Lauren post here whenever you feel down as you will be truly supported and understood unconditionally. You have been robbed of your childhood and it will take a lot of healing. There are others on this site who can relate to you having experienced the trauma of this abuse first hand. Please write yourself a big note that says I DID NOTHING TO CAUSE THIS. On this forum you will find people from all over the world at some time day or night. I am in Australia so if I am asleep over here there will be someone on this board awake to respond to you in some other country. You are a good person who deserves love with out conditions. Thinking of you Sweetie. Luv Leo xx
rosie light shines said
Oct 26, 2005
DEAR Lauren
my name is rosie, and i got incested by my natural father too......i felt the same way you do....EXTREME rage/ outrage/ pain, you name it.....he hurt me for eight long years....it began when i was 13, and i coudn't get away from him until i was able to steal enough money (garage sales his stuff at his business while he was away) anyway, that is how i got away from him.....i didn't find the 12 steps until 21 months ago and i am 59!!!! so i am grateful to God that you found this program at 17.....
lauren, there IS hope.....you CAN get past this.....first you gotta get out all your anger...SCREAM....YELL....CURSE HIM......i still and will forever hate the evil spirit of my father, but i have gotten to the point where i can say "God, may his name be erased" and through the love of this program AND my hard work, i am there!!! i don't think about the freak, only when i am in recovery work....
what i did to get this far was first get into 12Steps, and SHARE my little heart out...i journaled EVERY day....let my feelings fly!!!!! i ranted/ i screamed/ i raged/ i took my tennis racquet and i beat the hell out of my chair at home as i CURSED him, told him WHAT he did ot me how BAD it hurt....and i wore myself OUT discharging all that anger......AS i was doing this, i kept repeating to my self over and over and over that "God loves me, so that means i am loveable, i am acceptable, i am enough, and i am innocent of this crime"
lauren what he did was not only a crime/ felony but it was a crime against God!!! and NO way NO way NO way are you responsible for HIS crime!!!! i don't care if you stripped naked and sat on him.....HE was the adult....YOU were the baby......guess who God is going to send to hell for this??????? HIM!!!!!!!
sweetie you have EVERY right to be mad....for a parent to abuse their child, expecially in this manner is a crime against the universe....and trust me , dear, he WILL pay the karma for this.....but i want you to focus on YOU, and how YOU feel and what YOU want.....to HELL with him!!!! lets get you through this........there is an alateen board here and an abuse board here on this group, and i hope you are posting on those boards too.....
you talk to us any time...we are here and we LOVE you, and we CARE about you.....you CAN get past this.....you got through the worst....and you survived it because God wanted you to survive so you could recover and get your precious life back........i am soooo sorry this happend to you....i will always want to kill the people who do this thing to a child......but i must trust that God can punish far better than i so i finally, after i raged/ and cried, was able to turn over the *freak of nature* to God and allow God to deal with him....as i speak, he has been dead since '91 and as he rots in hell, i will recover AM recovering and i have heaven to look forward to....so do you!!! but for now???? one day at a time.....one step at a time....lets get you through this alright???? do you have any literature on the 12 steps for codependents????? i like melody beattie and the "12Steps for codas" it is good......it kind of guides you on how you live healthy....i never learned how to live but in a sewer with that!!! my mom was too drunk to do anything to save me....i begged her to stop him and she got angry with/ and attacked ME.....that is how bad she was with all his abuse/ wife beating/ cheating on her AND incesting me....it was too much for her so she ended up drinking herself to death
you can do this....if you are willing to do the work....get to the meetings.....preferably face 2 face, but if fac2fac is not possible, there are many meets goin on here.....also get a sponser, someone whom you feel comfy with....check out the boards....read our posts...and if someone *resonates* with you???? talk with them.......get the literature...anything on codependency and adult children of alkies stuff too, both will help.......what you and i suffered, we cannot help but to be condependent, which is basically loss of relationship with self/ God/ life.....its bottom line is *loss of self*.....we never knew boundaries.....all of that stuff you will learn by reading M. Beattie's stuff.......
i hope this doesn't overwhelm you...... but you gotta get started somewhere.......you did the first step....you came here, and you told your story.....that took a LOT of guts and honesty to do this...and you see???? we all love you, the incest is NOT YOU and who you are, its only something evil that HAPPENED to you!!!! and God is the one in charge....the darkness used our fathers to hurt us .....but our God as we understand it can get us over it!!!!! the God of your understanding loves you and is with you ALL the way.....so are we!!!!! hugs n prayers, rosie
Mars said
Oct 26, 2005
hi lauren,
i am so very sorry that you have had such a hard start to your life ! but you are being very brave to talk about it . its the best thing for you to release your anger . both my parents where A`s . My mother was violent my dad was just weak and drunk, but i was never sexually abused. Your dad is a very ill man who needs treatment, who you may need to put a healthy distance between you . but belive it or not you have friends out here in webland .i was so touched by your post ,keep talking , have faith. and work towards the life you want .so head up stare the world in the eye and know your not alone Mars
Lauren ashley said
Oct 26, 2005
thank You Lin... I feel soo much better getting it all out and i dont feel alone any more
Lauren~
Lauren ashley said
Oct 26, 2005
thank you leo... i am glad people are responding to this it means alot to get feedback from people and i feel better tlkin to others on here it is truly a blessing
Lauren~
Lauren ashley said
Oct 26, 2005
thanx mars///
yea i know how the physical abuse goes but that pain for me went away but the sexual part with always haunt me. Thank you for feedback i LOOOVE feed back lol
Lauren~
Lauren ashley said
Oct 26, 2005
rosie....
Thanks for sharing with me about the incest.... NOt to many people are open with it because they are afraid. But you saying something give me hope. and i thank you for that
Faith73 said
Oct 26, 2005
Hi Lauren,
I believe I spoke to you the other day in chat, and you seem to be a very bright, personable and caring person that has alot to offer the world. I, too, had dealt with sexual abuse as a kid, and it isn't pretty, but I'm glad u are in a safer place now. I remember when I was your age, I was not ready to deal with what happened to me, but remember, you are right where you're supposed to be. I hope you continue to come back for healing, b/c you are definitely worth it! I have my ups and downs, but the more I work the program, the better I feel.
I'm 18. Both of my parents are A's. I was not molested but like I said my parents are A's so I'm here if you want to talk. I found the alateen message board helpful for me too.
Hi, my name is Lauren
I am 17 years old, and from the ages of 3 -11. I was sexually molested by my father. I still have nightmares thinking it is still happening. The most frightening thing of all is that he wasnt the only person, when I was 3 years old I was first sexually molested by my neighbor, who was also at the time molesting his daughter who was around 4 at the time. I only remember him putting me into a tub and taking her and I a bath and fondling us down there. I guess being as young as I was I told my dad. That wasn't a very good idea because he used that as an excuse to it to me. I have confronted him recently and he says that I came on to him. What a xxxx he is.i hope he dies. Im soo dumb I went to go live with him, bad idea. I only got out out bc I went to skool one day with a black eye. My counselor saved me. I seriously her my hero. i know that if I had stayed there any longer I would not be here to today. That was so frightening. Guess what?? He is not getting punished for any of it. It sucks also because while I was over there his girl friend molested me also. It started with her trying to check if I had cut myself, because that is what I had turned to and then it was her accidentally walking in on me while I was taking a shower. Anyways I had a very tough life. I lived with my mom's parent's until i was about 3, and at that time i lived with both my mom and dad. I guess that's when it started. My parents split when I was 10 and I lived again with my grandparents until about last summer. Since my brother Matthew went to go live with my dad I was feeling very uneasy, knowing what he is and is capable of. I went to go live with him only to get my brother, Matthew out. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my whole entire life. He was nice at first then he tried to molest me again. Over there he beat me with plates, his hands and any other object. I only recently got out by telling my school I hate him with extreme passion. He has truly screwed up my life forever.
When I was born my mom was only 15 so I lived with
my parents r both A's
email me if u can its lovingmuhlife@adelphia.net
or my aim is lilmisvelvet
my yahoo is lovingmuhlife
-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 23rd of March 2009 11:47:37 AM
Thanks for sharing your story. I know it was tough to write it all down. I am amazed at how much better I feel when I write out my feelings. It works for me even if I delete it after I write.
First of all...WELCOME. Know that you are not alone in your situation. Mine is not as horrific as yours, but it is similar. Both of my parents were alkies. I grew up in a home where there was fighting and throwing things and drinking. There was no support and encourgement from the adults. There was verbal and physical abuse to the 4 kids, but no sexual abuse.
First of all..keep in mind non of this is YOUR FAULT. Adults have no right to abuse children. Children dont bring this kind of thing on themselves. it is a power thing...by SICK adults. You cant cause another person to abuse you. You can cause them to drink or to stop drinking. That comes from THEM.
You did nto say where you are staying now..jsut that you got out. I am pleased to hear that. Even foster care is beter than being in an abusive home. Foster parents are usually very loving and caring people. They are checked out by the courts often. I hope you are in a safe place right now.
I do hope you will talk to your school counselors. They can help you work out the anger and confusion you are feling. In another post you said you'd like to die. You said you are corrupt. You are only 17. You ahve your whole life ahead of you./ You have the power within you to make y9our life better. Start today. You can go to college. You can get a great job. You can meet a wonderful man, marry and have a family of your own. You can have a career. it's all up to you. So dont think wishing to die is the best option for you right now.
And lauren...saying you are CORRUPT? Not so. The adults around you who hurt you are the corrupt ones. They are SICK. Alcoholism is a disease. they are sick with that. They are also SICK in their actions toward you and other children. Caring, loving, healthy adults woudlnever dream of molesting a child.
I wish I could be your online sponsor...but I have two jobs and that keeps me too busy to take on another task right now. i WILL drop in here from time to time to check on you. Post and i will reply.
Have you checked out alateen in your area? It is for childrem who grew up with an alcoholic parent. It's free. If that does not work...you are nearly an adult at 17. you might try a local AlANon meeting. The human contact is much bettter than jstu an email contact. The email and internet boards and chat are wonderful for those in-between meeting times.
Please get in a safe place. Do what you ahve to to be safe. remember you are not alone inthis. many adults today had similar childhoods. With alanon and counseling they are well-adjusted and happy adults. So it IS possible to put this nightmare behind you and find happiness.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Please post here again. We care.
LIN
DEAR Lauren
my name is rosie, and i got incested by my natural father too......i felt the same way you do....EXTREME rage/ outrage/ pain, you name it.....he hurt me for eight long years....it began when i was 13, and i coudn't get away from him until i was able to steal enough money (garage sales his stuff at his business while he was away) anyway, that is how i got away from him.....i didn't find the 12 steps until 21 months ago and i am 59!!!! so i am grateful to God that you found this program at 17.....
lauren, there IS hope.....you CAN get past this.....first you gotta get out all your anger...SCREAM....YELL....CURSE HIM......i still and will forever hate the evil spirit of my father, but i have gotten to the point where i can say "God, may his name be erased" and through the love of this program AND my hard work, i am there!!! i don't think about the freak, only when i am in recovery work....
what i did to get this far was first get into 12Steps, and SHARE my little heart out...i journaled EVERY day....let my feelings fly!!!!! i ranted/ i screamed/ i raged/ i took my tennis racquet and i beat the hell out of my chair at home as i CURSED him, told him WHAT he did ot me how BAD it hurt....and i wore myself OUT discharging all that anger......AS i was doing this, i kept repeating to my self over and over and over that "God loves me, so that means i am loveable, i am acceptable, i am enough, and i am innocent of this crime"
lauren what he did was not only a crime/ felony but it was a crime against God!!! and NO way NO way NO way are you responsible for HIS crime!!!! i don't care if you stripped naked and sat on him.....HE was the adult....YOU were the baby......guess who God is going to send to hell for this??????? HIM!!!!!!!
sweetie you have EVERY right to be mad....for a parent to abuse their child, expecially in this manner is a crime against the universe....and trust me , dear, he WILL pay the karma for this.....but i want you to focus on YOU, and how YOU feel and what YOU want.....to HELL with him!!!! lets get you through this........there is an alateen board here and an abuse board here on this group, and i hope you are posting on those boards too.....
you talk to us any time...we are here and we LOVE you, and we CARE about you.....you CAN get past this.....you got through the worst....and you survived it because God wanted you to survive so you could recover and get your precious life back........i am soooo sorry this happend to you....i will always want to kill the people who do this thing to a child......but i must trust that God can punish far better than i so i finally, after i raged/ and cried, was able to turn over the *freak of nature* to God and allow God to deal with him....as i speak, he has been dead since '91 and as he rots in hell, i will recover AM recovering and i have heaven to look forward to....so do you!!! but for now???? one day at a time.....one step at a time....lets get you through this alright???? do you have any literature on the 12 steps for codependents????? i like melody beattie and the "12Steps for codas" it is good......it kind of guides you on how you live healthy....i never learned how to live but in a sewer with that!!! my mom was too drunk to do anything to save me....i begged her to stop him and she got angry with/ and attacked ME.....that is how bad she was with all his abuse/ wife beating/ cheating on her AND incesting me....it was too much for her so she ended up drinking herself to death
you can do this....if you are willing to do the work....get to the meetings.....preferably face 2 face, but if fac2fac is not possible, there are many meets goin on here.....also get a sponser, someone whom you feel comfy with....check out the boards....read our posts...and if someone *resonates* with you???? talk with them.......get the literature...anything on codependency and adult children of alkies stuff too, both will help.......what you and i suffered, we cannot help but to be condependent, which is basically loss of relationship with self/ God/ life.....its bottom line is *loss of self*.....we never knew boundaries.....all of that stuff you will learn by reading M. Beattie's stuff.......
i hope this doesn't overwhelm you...... but you gotta get started somewhere.......you did the first step....you came here, and you told your story.....that took a LOT of guts and honesty to do this...and you see???? we all love you, the incest is NOT YOU and who you are, its only something evil that HAPPENED to you!!!! and God is the one in charge....the darkness used our fathers to hurt us .....but our God as we understand it can get us over it!!!!! the God of your understanding loves you and is with you ALL the way.....so are we!!!!! hugs n prayers, rosie
hi lauren,
i am so very sorry that you have had such a hard start to your life ! but you are being very brave to talk about it . its the best thing for you to release your anger . both my parents where A`s . My mother was violent my dad was just weak and drunk, but i was never sexually abused. Your dad is a very ill man who needs treatment, who you may need to put a healthy distance between you . but belive it or not you have friends out here in webland .i was so touched by your post ,keep talking , have faith. and work towards the life you want .so head up stare the world in the eye and know your not alone Mars
thank You Lin... I feel soo much better getting it all out and i dont feel alone any more
Lauren~
thank you leo... i am glad people are responding to this it means alot to get feedback from people and i feel better tlkin to others on here it is truly a blessing
Lauren~
thanx mars///
yea i know how the physical abuse goes but that pain for me went away but the sexual part with always haunt me. Thank you for feedback i LOOOVE feed back lol
Lauren~
rosie....
Thanks for sharing with me about the incest.... NOt to many people are open with it because they are afraid. But you saying something give me hope. and i thank you for that
Hi Lauren,
I believe I spoke to you the other day in chat, and you seem to be a very bright, personable and caring person that has alot to offer the world. I, too, had dealt with sexual abuse as a kid, and it isn't pretty, but I'm glad u are in a safer place now. I remember when I was your age, I was not ready to deal with what happened to me, but remember, you are right where you're supposed to be. I hope you continue to come back for healing, b/c you are definitely worth it! I have my ups and downs, but the more I work the program, the better I feel.
Love in recovery, Christine
Lauren ashley,
I'm 18. Both of my parents are A's. I was not molested but like I said my parents are A's so I'm here if you want to talk. I found the alateen message board helpful for me too.
Lanchas
