Corrupted I am

 

I sit here in sweet surrender

Shivering cold and lonely… hypothermia suddenly kicks in

I look blue and so thin

I am corrupted; I’m not the person you thought I was set out to be

I cannot run

Sitting here and wondering why makes me think of different ways I want to die

I want to be soooo numb… so that I cannot feel

For my pain is so vividly real

Asphyxiation is a way out…

Suffocating inside my body, I cannot breathe

Painful memories are haunting me

I scream a bloody cry

But nobody hears

I can drown myself with all my tears

I suddenly fall to the floor

for I do not want this life any more

I am lifted up and away

With out but one word to say

I will hold you close to my heart

Never ever drift apart

Then there is complete silence

I’m lost in this darkness

 

 

(Lauren) 2005

 

i feel like i can just die right this second and end it all

Hello Lauren! Welcome to MIP!  I read all three of your posts and will reply to 2 of them.

First..this poem is outstanding! I felt your pain jsut reading it. Taht makes you a great writer. When ithe author can  cause the reader to feel what theya re feeling. Keep up your writing!

{{{hugs}}}

LIN

Hi Lauren,

Wow, thank you for sharing the poem. When things get to be too much for us, writing them down is releasing and healthy.

As far as the last line, if you ever do feel like that, please pick up a phone or come here, contact a friend. Never stay alone when you are in despair, reach out. There are people who care and are willing to help. You are worth it.

                             Love Jeannie

thanx Jeannie....

Yea i love to write... i put all my anger and frustration and pain into it... It is also an escape

It is a good escape and you do it very well

              Love Jeannie

Hi Lauren and welcome,

I agree that you are a very talented writer.  You express yourself excellent.  You sound like you are in a very bad place right now and I want you to know that you are not alone.  I don't know how familiar you are with the Al Anon program or this site, but this is a wonderful place full of caring people who understand like none other the pain one goes through when affected by  an alcoholic/addict.

Why don't you share your story with us so we can offer you our experience, strength and hope.  What brought you here?  Keep sharing, keep reaching out......it helps us SO much when we realize that there are others who truley do understand and that no matter how alone we may feel, we are not alone once we find this program.  You have a Higher Power who loves you more than words can say.  Wether you know Him or not, He's there and He cares.  You're going to be ok.