I haven't posted for a couple of weeks now but have been reading the board just about every day.
Again my daughter had another bout with trouble. As I said in earlier post she lost her kids due to her drinking and carelessness. They are with the families who agreed to keep them until she gets her life together. She was still seeing the kids, her boy one day on the weekends and her girl more often because she goes to school close by and I pick her up and she wants to go to her mothers for a while. Well, yesterday she had her girl but started drinking. There were a couple of people there including her father who is also an "A" The girls father was there and flipped when my daughter let his dog out and her ran away then he turned on her because she was drinking, threathened to call the police, called her ex husband and told him everything plus more. Now her ex and the girls other grandmother won't let her see the kids without supervision. I understand that and I agree but after that blow up yesterday she's drinking again tonight. Why? why isn't she trying to get herself cleaned up, she says she wants the kids back but is not doing a thing towards getting them back. I just can't see it, she don't last no longer than a couple of days sober. She's probably on the pity pot and she has been through a lot since April but she don't seem to be making any effort to get better. I just don't know what to do or say to her. She's depressed one day, happy the next. So much has happened to her in the last 6 months... her marriage broke up( her choice) child welfare on her back for 4 months, impaired driveing charge on probation for it, lost the kids after all that. Has had 3 jobs in 4 months. Now she can't be alone with the kids. WHERE IS HER BOTTOM? What has to happen or be done for her to hit bottom so she will give this up.
Can anyone tell me or give me some hope that this will end.?
Sandy
Lauren ashley said
Oct 25, 2005
i am sorry sandy i know how you are feeling and it is not fair.... i will keep u in my prayers
notsonew1111 said
Oct 26, 2005
(((sandy)))) let go and let god. hp will decide where her bottom is and when she will hit it. this must be very hard for you to deal with. my a has od'd, cheated, abused, been in hospital and still hasnt hit his bottom (at times hit his bottom but only for a week) i know there is nothing i can do to make him quit and stop making these stupid decisions to drink. i pray and play the waiting game. and in the meantime, i take care of myself. i come here and talk to everyone and read their posts, go to meetings. whether he sobers up or not my life has to go on. have you tried setting any boundaries with her? tc (((hugs)))
cdb said
Oct 26, 2005
Hello sandy,
Alcoholism is a horrible disease! No one konws anyone's bottoms. NOt even the alcoholics. We learn to let them do what they are able to and try not to get involved in thier situations and drama. Things must still seem very comfortable for your daughter right now for some reason. All you can do is focus on you and take care of you and be there for your grandkids and if old enough get them to alateen. She obviously needs to lose alot more or have more pain in her life to quit drinking. This is such and unpredictable disease too! I just hate it. My 21 year old daughter spent 3 differnt times in jail along with other law problems and still didn't hit her bottom! It is a painful process but something sure has to give sometime.Don't waste your time watching and waiting. Enjoy those grandkids if you can and live your live moment to monent and don't let your life pass you by. Keep coming back too. cdb,,,you friend in recovery
Diva said
Oct 26, 2005
This is a terrible situation Sandy, but only her HP knows where her bottom is, and she will not straighten herself out for her children or anyone else but herself. I will hold her in my prayers, and ask that she get help soon, get into a program, and get her life together. I know it wounds your heart to see your child in this situation. My prayers and positive thoughts go out to you too.
With sincere caring Diva
leo said
Oct 26, 2005
Hi Sandie,
I am a mother and nothing would be more heartbreaking than seeing your own kids slowing destroying themselves. We as parents can only guide them so far and then they make the decisions on their own. When they fall we want to pick them up as we did when they were little. As everyone else has said only HP knows when she is going to hit rock bottom. All you can do for now is protect your grandchildren as the adult in their life is not capable of that at the moment. Hopefully with a loving Grandma like you the kids will have some emotional stability. Luv Leo xx
Jeannie said
Oct 26, 2005
Hi Sandie,
no one knows where another persons bottome is. We can look at them doing things that to the rest of us, seem unreal. We can say, how can they not see, or how can they not care, or if it was me, but it will change nothing and drive us crazy. They have to decide for themselves where it ends, if it does.
Take care of yourself and keep praying that she will find her way.
Love Jeannie
bd said
Oct 26, 2005
Hi Sandy
My dad lost his job, his house, the respect of the family, including his sister and father that won't even talk to him. My ex-husband was the same way. Both of them are still drinking. I often wonder when they will hit bottom. I know how frustrating it can be sitting on the sidelines watching people self destruct. Be strong friend.
bd
KathyS said
Oct 26, 2005
sandy wrote: I understand that and I agree but after that blow up yesterday she's drinking again tonight. Why? why isn't she trying to get herself cleaned up, she says she wants the kids back but is not doing a thing towards getting them back.
********Well Sandy, the why is simple.........she is an alcohlic in the grips of her disease. To us looking in from the outside, we just can't imagine how they can continue their drinking/drugging when it's so clear that THAT is what is causing all of their problems. To us, the ones not afflicted with the disease of alcoholism/addiction it's so obvious what needs to be done....STOP USING. It all seems so simple and easy to us, unfortunately it's not that way for them. They have an obsessive compulsive need to drink/drug. They are powerless over it.
As for what her bottom is, only God knows. I've seen my husband go through situations because of his drug use that I was completely positive would be his rock bottom, but it wasn't. Everyones rock bottom is different. It's pretty much the same for us Anons. We will continue to allow our lives to be unmanageable and to obsess over the A in our lives until the pain of doing so simply becomes too much for us to bear. Only then will we seek our own recovery and make the changes we need to make, no matter what the cost.
The best thing you can do for your daughter right now is to continue to work on you. Don't enable her, learn how to detach with love, and most importantly continue to turn her over to her Higher Power and pray. The more she's allowed to feel the pain of her negative consequences due to her drinking, the greater her chance of seeking recovery. Try your best not to do anything to lessen that pain for her. As hard as that is, when dealing with this disease it's the kindest most loving thing we can do for our sick loved ones. Anything whatsoever that anyone does to lighten this burden for her will only prolong her suffering. That thought is what helped me to completely stop enabling my husband, and I enabled him in ways I didn't even realize. I hope this helps. Never give up hope, but for your own sanity, give the obsession over to God.
Hi,
I haven't posted for a couple of weeks now but have been reading the board just about every day.
Again my daughter had another bout with trouble. As I said in earlier post she lost her kids due to her drinking and carelessness. They are with the families who agreed to keep them until she gets her life together. She was still seeing the kids, her boy one day on the weekends and her girl more often because she goes to school close by and I pick her up and she wants to go to her mothers for a while. Well, yesterday she had her girl but started drinking. There were a couple of people there including her father who is also an "A" The girls father was there and flipped when my daughter let his dog out and her ran away then he turned on her because she was drinking, threathened to call the police, called her ex husband and told him everything plus more. Now her ex and the girls other grandmother won't let her see the kids without supervision. I understand that and I agree but after that blow up yesterday she's drinking again tonight. Why? why isn't she trying to get herself cleaned up, she says she wants the kids back but is not doing a thing towards getting them back. I just can't see it, she don't last no longer than a couple of days sober. She's probably on the pity pot and she has been through a lot since April but she don't seem to be making any effort to get better. I just don't know what to do or say to her. She's depressed one day, happy the next. So much has happened to her in the last 6 months... her marriage broke up( her choice) child welfare on her back for 4 months, impaired driveing charge on probation for it, lost the kids after all that. Has had 3 jobs in 4 months. Now she can't be alone with the kids. WHERE IS HER BOTTOM? What has to happen or be done for her to hit bottom so she will give this up.
Can anyone tell me or give me some hope that this will end.?
Sandy
Hello sandy,
Alcoholism is a horrible disease! No one konws anyone's bottoms. NOt even the alcoholics. We learn to let them do what they are able to and try not to get involved in thier situations and drama. Things must still seem very comfortable for your daughter right now for some reason. All you can do is focus on you and take care of you and be there for your grandkids and if old enough get them to alateen. She obviously needs to lose alot more or have more pain in her life to quit drinking. This is such and unpredictable disease too! I just hate it. My 21 year old daughter spent 3 differnt times in jail along with other law problems and still didn't hit her bottom! It is a painful process but something sure has to give sometime.Don't waste your time watching and waiting. Enjoy those grandkids if you can and live your live moment to monent and don't let your life pass you by. Keep coming back too. cdb,,,you friend in recovery
Hi Sandie,
I am a mother and nothing would be more heartbreaking than seeing your own kids slowing destroying themselves. We as parents can only guide them so far and then they make the decisions on their own. When they fall we want to pick them up as we did when they were little. As everyone else has said only HP knows when she is going to hit rock bottom. All you can do for now is protect your grandchildren as the adult in their life is not capable of that at the moment. Hopefully with a loving Grandma like you the kids will have some emotional stability. Luv Leo xx
Hi Sandie,
no one knows where another persons bottome is. We can look at them doing things that to the rest of us, seem unreal. We can say, how can they not see, or how can they not care, or if it was me, but it will change nothing and drive us crazy. They have to decide for themselves where it ends, if it does.
Take care of yourself and keep praying that she will find her way.
Love Jeannie
Hi Sandy
My dad lost his job, his house, the respect of the family, including his sister and father that won't even talk to him. My ex-husband was the same way. Both of them are still drinking. I often wonder when they will hit bottom. I know how frustrating it can be sitting on the sidelines watching people self destruct. Be strong friend.
bd
********Well Sandy, the why is simple.........she is an alcohlic in the grips of her disease. To us looking in from the outside, we just can't imagine how they can continue their drinking/drugging when it's so clear that THAT is what is causing all of their problems. To us, the ones not afflicted with the disease of alcoholism/addiction it's so obvious what needs to be done....STOP USING. It all seems so simple and easy to us, unfortunately it's not that way for them. They have an obsessive compulsive need to drink/drug. They are powerless over it.
As for what her bottom is, only God knows. I've seen my husband go through situations because of his drug use that I was completely positive would be his rock bottom, but it wasn't. Everyones rock bottom is different. It's pretty much the same for us Anons. We will continue to allow our lives to be unmanageable and to obsess over the A in our lives until the pain of doing so simply becomes too much for us to bear. Only then will we seek our own recovery and make the changes we need to make, no matter what the cost.
The best thing you can do for your daughter right now is to continue to work on you. Don't enable her, learn how to detach with love, and most importantly continue to turn her over to her Higher Power and pray. The more she's allowed to feel the pain of her negative consequences due to her drinking, the greater her chance of seeking recovery. Try your best not to do anything to lessen that pain for her. As hard as that is, when dealing with this disease it's the kindest most loving thing we can do for our sick loved ones. Anything whatsoever that anyone does to lighten this burden for her will only prolong her suffering. That thought is what helped me to completely stop enabling my husband, and I enabled him in ways I didn't even realize. I hope this helps. Never give up hope, but for your own sanity, give the obsession over to God.