If the alcoholic in your life is still actively drinking, learning what not to do is an important part of the program.
*Dont treat the alcoholic like a child: you wouldnt if he or she were suffering from some other disease.
*Dont check up to see how much the A is drinking.
*Dont search for hidden liquor
*Dont pour liquor away, the A always finds ways to get more.
*Dont nag the A about the drinking. And never argue while he or she is under the influence of alcohol.
*Dont preach, reproach, scold, or enter into quarrels.
If you can bring yourself to avoid these things, you will be well on the way to a more confortable frame of mind. All these "Donts" have a good sound reason that grew out of many peoples experiences.
Alcoholics suffer from feelings of guilt beyond anything the non-alcoholic can imagine. Reminding them of failures, neglect of families and friends and social errors is all wasted effort. It only makes the situation worse.
The "if you loved me" approach is likewise futile. Remember that alcoholism is compulsive in nature and cannot be controlled by willpower.
Equally useless are promises, coaxing, aruments and threats, A word about the latter.......Dont threaten unless you are prepared to carry out your threat.
Guard against the "holier than thou" attitude. Hostility and contempt cannot cure an illness and are unbecoming attitudes.
Sometimes a crisis-the loss of a job, an accident or an arrest ---can convince the A of the need for help. Steel yourself against coddling and overprotectiveness at this time. The crisi may be necessary to recovery.
Do nothing to prevent such a crisis from happening-dont cover bad checks, pay overdue bills or go the boss with excuses. The suffering you are trying to ease by such actions may be the very thing needed to bring the A to realization of the seriousness of the situations---literally a blessing in disguise.
Hope this helps some of you,,,,,,keep coming back,,,keep the focus where it belongs on YOU!!.................................gardengal
leo said
Oct 25, 2005
Thanks heaps lots I have learnt from this posting. Luv Leo x
bob6502 said
Oct 25, 2005
Dear GG,
Thank you for the lovely words!!! Such great reminders to me to mind my own business and let the alcoholic mind his. Glad you are here with us. Love, SenoraBob
WakingUp said
Oct 25, 2005
Great post & reminders, Gardengal. Many of these apply to the sober A as well.
rosie light shines said
Oct 25, 2005
wow,,,,garden, i see this as confirm that " i didn't CAUSE....i cannot CONTROl....i cannot fix.....so i let go , let God" all in a nutshell.....all we can do is take care of us......the "i am powerless over others" is the message i am getting....thanks for gr8 post....rosie
AlaMom said
Oct 25, 2005
Great reminders. It took a long time go get to that point for me. Recently I have had some slips with my husband who although sober/dry has many issues he refuses to work on. And as we all know it can be difficult not to want to try and fix them.
nycbt said
Oct 25, 2005
Thank you for posting. I am living with an active alchohilc and it is good to hear the don'ts. That is always good. I like it so much that I am printing it out.
bd said
Oct 25, 2005
Thank you for the post.....i have been guilty of doing every single thing on that list. Wow
If the alcoholic in your life is still actively drinking, learning what not to do is an important part of the program.
*Dont treat the alcoholic like a child: you wouldnt if he or she were suffering from some other disease.
*Dont check up to see how much the A is drinking.
*Dont search for hidden liquor
*Dont pour liquor away, the A always finds ways to get more.
*Dont nag the A about the drinking. And never argue while he or she is under the influence of alcohol.
*Dont preach, reproach, scold, or enter into quarrels.
If you can bring yourself to avoid these things, you will be well on the way to a more confortable frame of mind. All these "Donts" have a good sound reason that grew out of many peoples experiences.
Alcoholics suffer from feelings of guilt beyond anything the non-alcoholic can imagine. Reminding them of failures, neglect of families and friends and social errors is all wasted effort. It only makes the situation worse.
The "if you loved me" approach is likewise futile. Remember that alcoholism is compulsive in nature and cannot be controlled by willpower.
Equally useless are promises, coaxing, aruments and threats, A word about the latter.......Dont threaten unless you are prepared to carry out your threat.
Guard against the "holier than thou" attitude. Hostility and contempt cannot cure an illness and are unbecoming attitudes.
Sometimes a crisis-the loss of a job, an accident or an arrest ---can convince the A of the need for help. Steel yourself against coddling and overprotectiveness at this time. The crisi may be necessary to recovery.
Do nothing to prevent such a crisis from happening-dont cover bad checks, pay overdue bills or go the boss with excuses. The suffering you are trying to ease by such actions may be the very thing needed to bring the A to realization of the seriousness of the situations---literally a blessing in disguise.
Hope this helps some of you,,,,,,keep coming back,,,keep the focus where it belongs on YOU!!
.................................gardengal
Dear GG,
Thank you for the lovely words!!! Such great reminders to me to mind my own business and let the alcoholic mind his. Glad you are here with us. Love, SenoraBob
Great reminders. It took a long time go get to that point for me. Recently I have had some slips with my husband who although sober/dry has many issues he refuses to work on. And as we all know it can be difficult not to want to try and fix them.