I told you guys I would let you know what me and my husband worked out for chore duty since I will begin working soon.
Well that night he came home high and was totally off base about what we had discussed earlier and was in no condition to talk about anything. So I just ignored him and went about my night.
Since then he has been wired for sound so I have not brought it up because he won't remember anyway. Last night he says "So, we agreed that you weren't going back to work and we would pull the kids from daycare, right?" I started laughing ????? And said "no". I told him AGAIN what was happening and he said "oh yeah".
So that just reinforced the fact that when I get all worked up over our situation it is pointless because most of the time he doesn't remember anyways! A little reminder to me to take it one day at a time and do the best that I can do at the moment because life with him is sooooooo unpredictable, why even try to figure it all out!!!!
I figure if it doesn't work out I will figure out a way to make it better for me and my kids with or without his help. A housekeeper perhaps?
Thanks for listening guys You are all the best people I have ever met!
With love Julie D.
dogscribe said
Oct 24, 2005
I can totally relate to your post. One time I asked my A "don't you get scared that you can't remember what you said (or did)" and he replied YES - but yet he will not change his drinking habits.
megan said
Oct 24, 2005
Good work there Julie
I used to get so enmeshed in my alcoholic's reality and tried so hard to figure things out.
Good for you ignoring him when he is high, just a waste of effort to try to talk to him then
Good luck with the job. My mother used to say, so what if your house is not spotless and I agree....
lin0606 said
Oct 24, 2005
Sounds familiar - I'd fret myself almost to death with details, and he wouldn't even notice anything was happening at all. Good for you, keep it one day at a time.
bcanuck said
Oct 24, 2005
Hey Julie,
Good luck with the new job. sounds like a step in the right direction. I have often thought/threatened to get a housekeeper, but unfortunately I am the personality type that would clean before the housekeeper got here, lest they see how messy I live
You're right about not getting excited about discussions with him when he's using, it's pretty much pointless. As for an even distribution of chores, you might be banging your head against a wall on that one. Just my own experience.
take care,
Bonnie
leo said
Oct 25, 2005
Housekeeper you want one do it. I have a cleaner come in for 3 hours on a Thursday. I work 4 full days a week. I laughed at Bonnie because I am the same personality and I DO clean the house before the cleaner comes in. It means that when I have Friday off I can just worry about doing the washing all the rest is done. It feels so nice to walk into my house at the end of the working week and have it clean for at least one day from top to bottom. Be kind to you. Luv Leo xxx
rosie light shines said
Oct 25, 2005
"I figure if it doesn't work out I will figure out a way to make it better for me and my kids with or without his help. A housekeeper perhaps
VERY good thinking!!!!! you takin care of you/ kids....no expectations of his help...that is what i do pretty much with the A's in my life......i take care of me.....NO expectations from them......if they help me?? good...if not??? i take care of me......peace / rosie
nycbt said
Oct 26, 2005
Hi Thanks for sharing. I have the same problem I like to talk to him when he is drunk and the it become pointless because he doesn't remeber and if u tell him the next day he gets upset and he doesn't want to know. I have gotten better at telling myself that he isn't going to remeber the next day. But it is hard.
Hello everybody
Hope you are all peaceful today.
I told you guys I would let you know what me and my husband worked out for chore duty since I will begin working soon.
Well that night he came home high and was totally off base about what we had discussed earlier and was in no condition to talk about anything. So I just ignored him and went about my night.
Since then he has been wired for sound so I have not brought it up because he won't remember anyway. Last night he says "So, we agreed that you weren't going back to work and we would pull the kids from daycare, right?" I started laughing ????? And said "no". I told him AGAIN what was happening and he said "oh yeah".
So that just reinforced the fact that when I get all worked up over our situation it is pointless because most of the time he doesn't remember anyways! A little reminder to me to take it one day at a time and do the best that I can do at the moment because life with him is sooooooo unpredictable, why even try to figure it all out!!!!
I figure if it doesn't work out I will figure out a way to make it better for me and my kids with or without his help. A housekeeper perhaps?
Thanks for listening guys You are all the best people I have ever met!
With love Julie D.
Good work there Julie
I used to get so enmeshed in my alcoholic's reality and tried so hard to figure things out.
Good for you ignoring him when he is high, just a waste of effort to try to talk to him then
Good luck with the job. My mother used to say, so what if your house is not spotless and I agree....
Hey Julie,
Good luck with the new job. sounds like a step in the right direction. I have often thought/threatened to get a housekeeper, but unfortunately I am the personality type that would clean before the housekeeper got here, lest they see how messy I live
You're right about not getting excited about discussions with him when he's using, it's pretty much pointless. As for an even distribution of chores, you might be banging your head against a wall on that one. Just my own experience.
take care,
Bonnie
"I figure if it doesn't work out I will figure out a way to make it better for me and my kids with or without his help. A housekeeper perhaps
VERY good thinking!!!!! you takin care of you/ kids....no expectations of his help...that is what i do pretty much with the A's in my life......i take care of me.....NO expectations from them......if they help me?? good...if not??? i take care of me......peace / rosie