Yes, it IS their problem. I know that. But me..........as a sort of speak sideline sees what goes on. It's so easy for society to judge. Yes.....maybe most of you in here judge me. I will say this once. My A is trying. I know what you're all thinking..."run as fast as you can" "get out" Anyway. the A is really trying and I have to give him credit. So please don't judge me.

Oh my goodness Cathy. I am not judging you. I only told you what I would do. Like others here, I am supportive of you no matter what you choose to do. I know I can be chillingly abrupt. That's me, but no offense is intended. I love the people here like family. ALL of them! We all come from different circumstances, different class structures, different cultures, and what works for one does not necessarily work for the other. One thing we all have in common is that we must deal with an A in our lives. I wouldn't wish to hurt you for the world. Likewise I do not want to see you hurt. Either by the A in your life or by me. I am truly sorry that you thought me judgmental. I assure you I am not. Remember that when posting here, you open yourself up for the opinions of others. I just gave you mine. I can give you a hug, tell you to remember the three Cs, and assure you everything will be rosy. Then there's the truth. With sincere best wishes, Diva

Diva, yes there is the truth and everything else seems to be rosy but it's not. Thank you for your response. I know how this all works.

Dear Cathy, So sad for you - recognise you are in pain right now. I hope it will get better. I would never judge you, my experience is not from a husband, but a daughter - of course, I would never give up on her - am so grateful she found AA - before I found alanon, lol, so I ended up being the one who was messed up - how does that work out? Diva has given me so much experience, strength and hope on these boards, I think, if you stick around, you will find help here. Cathy - this is the rub, it comes to a point, we can save our own sanity, or stay in the madness. Maybe you not there just yet. Stay here, at least, in alanon, other people have gone through much the same things, or worse, than you. Keep it simple, take one step at a time, look after you, when you join alanon, you may not realise, people in this fellowship love you in a certain way, we are not perfect, you may not understand this, at first, but, very soon, you will come to feel it, we are a family here, our only concern is for you, your recovery, your well being, whatever happens, this is a safe place, you will find friends here, so keep logging in! Going to bed now, nearly quarter to 1.00 am in Uk! Hope to see you again, soon, Lots of love, Flora xxxxx

Hi Cathy

Here is a safe site, there is no advice which there is also no judgement. Everyone has there problems that they deal with. So relax no one is judgeing you.