today met my a for lunch. all week long  he asked are you coming for lunch on friday .      today was such a cold damp day i just wanted to stay in bed. but i went anyway he fixed my car,did an oil change & everthing that he though my car needed  & paid for my lunch. we had a really nice time we ate in the  shop and he introduced me to everyone. everyone asked how he was doing and the founder of the company said don't worry we are taking care of him. i left to go home at 4pm he worked until 7pm he had a meeting at 7:30 but someone gave him an old book so he had to go to one at 8pm. i get so nervous on fridays  because thats when he usally disapears. he has been calling me off and on all  night then a 10:pm he said he would call me  after he ate.  almost an hour past and i was dying inside, so i called he said i am not going any where i love you get some sleep and i will call you in the morning. i am so frightened  but i have to trust him right when i see him i realize how much i love him. i just pray to god that he has the will power to really do this this time. tonight i had a heart to heart with my daughter we both cried and on tuesday she will go to al-ateen  & i  will go to al- anon. we went for pizza with her boyfriend.we had fun. i don't know what to feel anymore i do know i want my family back . he wants to come home so badly. he told me one day at a time . anyway he said good night i love you don't worry i am not going anywhere. well now i am leaving it in god's hands

thanks guys for all your support

Chrissy, I relate to everything you are saying. I'm new here and trying to understand how this all works. Believe me.......I relate to what you're saying. Please give me some input on what you live with everyday?

Cathy

Chrissy,

What a beautiful day you have had! Thank you for sharing, and do turn over your fears so that you can end the day in a way you deserve for it to draw to a close-- with peace and stillness of the soul. Let God have that old anxiety... if it is too hard to completely turn it over, pray for the willingness to let go, and then just make the decision to postpone the worry. Put it off a little. Worry later, not right now.

I used to worry all the time about everything. My life is better since I learned to wait to worry! We will do it together. Let's get some rest!

Emmie

chrissy i have been in your shoes,  if only i had the program than ,  but now??? i know i can only control me....i cannot  cause another's slip..i cannot control them/ manipulate them,  and i cannot cure them.....they either take care of themselves and do whats right or they don't,   i cannot work their inventory, and now i don't try.....i go day to day.  and i keep the focus on me....my A brother is really messing up lately, and my daughter was on another drug *holiday*  and i do the same thing you did.....GIVE IT OVER TO HP.......i keep my sanity / serenity that way, knowing that i can ONLY manage me, and even ME i have to do step 3 on.....that keeps me thinking *realistic*   and sane........thanks for sharing this......peace/  rosie

I totally related to your post. I can rememebr back when mine only drank on weekends...but it really got out of hand on weekends... I noticed something. Almsot every Thursday I got diarrhea. I got an ulcer about that time too. All of it was obsessing abtou what MIGHt happen. I dreaded the weekends because I had no idea if we'd end up at a jail or a hospital. it was usually one or the other.  Or at the very least a family fist fight with his family.

 

That was years before I foudn alanon. Today i dont obses about what might happen. I let go of the fear by replacing it with faith. I ask my HP to watch over him and to keep him safe.  One night i knew he was out drunk and he never came home. I prayed my HP  woudl keep him safe and keep others on the road that he migh encouter safe also. he finally called me abotu midnight. He was in jail....sleeping it off. he was SAFE. My prayers were answered.

 

UI used to call hospitals, police, hotels...every place i thought he might be. Today I dont call anybody. I turn it over to my YHP to keep him safe and I am able to go to bed. Or if it's early I am able to find a plan B. Eating pizza with your daughter is a great plan B. Getting my mind off of HIM. Reminding myself what he does is HIS choice. I cant make him do it. I cant' make him stop. I can't make him WANT To stop. I have choices. I can pray for him and stop obsessing, or I can enjoy my life. I can stay or I can leave. I chose to stay so I had to make the best of it when the chaos started. I have learned not to freak out.  I have learned not to flip out. But it did take time and practice.

letting go

turning him o er to my HP

reading my alanon books

hitting a f2f or an online meeting

detaching

remembering the 3 C's

having a plan B for ME

Mine nnow has his "ep[isodes" when he knows he will have lots of free time. On days I teach all day, have a faculty meeting until time to go to my second job, he know I will be gone 13 hours. That's when he turns it on. He did it wednesday of this week for that reason. Next week I have two days in a row of teach all day, stay at school and eat supper, and then have parent teacher conferences until about 6. So he''ll have 2 days of 'opportunity". I cant worry abot it. I have to do my best and focus on my conferences. 2 out of the last 5 years he's gotten drunk on conference night and had car wrecks. Another 2 he got drunk and did nto have a wreck. So that makes 4 out of 5 years...conference  nights are OPPORTUNITY for him. I am now obsessing about it. I will jsut hope for the best, prepare for the worst and do what I ahve to do.

 

LIN

thanks guys

 you really help me. sometimes this is my only escape, i thank god for you everyday!

you are wonderful!!

" i get so nervous on fridays because thats when he usally disapears." I call this a "gentleman's vacation" Chrissy. My A has enjoyed...no, suffered through a couple of those, so in order to keep my sanity, I try to see the humor in it all. Think of it that way, Chrissy, and smile. There's not much else you can do. I truly hope things work out the way you want them Chrissy, but remember, HP has His plan too; it's 100 times better than yours. Love to you, Diva