Thought I would post and let everyone know that my daughter finally got a spot in the after school daycare so I can now start working. And yesterday I interviewed and got a job at the first place. Yay! I start in the next week.
The problem is now I am having trouble letting go of seeing my kids every day after school and volunteering in their classroom and going on field trips and all that stuff. I will drop them off at daycare at 7:30 am and pick them up at 5:30 pm. I also won't be able to clean and shop until the weekend, leaving me with not very much time for exercise, reading, playing with my kids. And the suckiest part is my husband comes home last night and says
"So I guess dinner won't be made every night and the house won't get clean" and I told him yes probably not until the weekend. And he says"Yeah like that is gonna happen" and walks away.
Now how is it all my responsibility to take care of EVERYTHING??? He says the money is needed but doesn't want to do anything besides work. So that means I have to do all the housework too? I don't think so!! I'm surely not responsible for it all. So tonight I am going to sit down with him and we will work out a plan for chores for everybody to help out. He just doesn't know it yet LOL
I also won't be able to go back to school unless I go at night. i will pray about that because it seems we do need the money right now. I will try to take it one day at a time and see where HP leads me.
To all of the newcomers, welcome and glad you are here. Keep coming back.
For all of the rest: It is hard for me to respond to everybody but please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers and I am always hoping for the best for everyone!!!
With a sincere heart
Julie D.
captcodee said
Oct 20, 2005
((((((((((((((Julie)))))))))))))))
Your posting is my posting to the exact word. Just change the husband to mine, and the ages of our kid(s)
I too drop my kids off early (7:15) and don't pick them up till late (5:45). Only months ago I was home from work at 2:00 at the latest, and was able to volunteer at the school as well. I was able to have supper in the works by the time the kids got home from school..... but that was then.
I did feel awful about having to work now the way and hours that i am, so I had to spend some deep time with my HP. I too want to return to school, however I was guided by my HP to just keep on doing what I am doing right now. I was feeling guilty about not being the mother I was just months ago, but I know from the reassurance from my HP that this is what I am to do for now. So, instead of feeling so lousy about it (cause I can't change it) i decided to look at the benefits.... I will tackle school at the same time as my kids... we can be college buddies!! My kids will learn independance a bit sooner than if I was not working i will have to learn to let my housework slip cause I will be damned if I do all the work and I shall buy shares in M&M meat shops
Good idea, by the way, of sitting down with hubby to try to come up with a plan. Keep room for flexibility, cause there are very few hours in your social life left, you will want to keep that open.
I am excited to hear how it turns out for you. So glad to have somebody in the same boat!!
Aron
marmare said
Oct 20, 2005
Okay you vented good, does it make a difference when we do it all anyway. Practice being gentle with yourself, yes some things will change, the kids may have to have additional chores, the housework will wait, you are doing the right thing by living while your alive. Hang in there, things have a way of working out.
Hugs Mary
rosie light shines said
Oct 20, 2005
julie.............So that means I have to do all the housework too? I don't think so!! I'm surely not responsible for it all. So tonight I am going to sit down with him and we will work out a plan for chores for everybody to help out. He just doesn't know it yet LOL
rosie.............good one!!!! i love it when i see one of us *sticking to her guns*.........good luck on the talk.......i totally agree with you!!!! rosie
sanddie said
Oct 20, 2005
I have to say that being where you are at in my own life at one point, in having been forced to not be with my children cause my ex was so unstable, I struggled as well with not seeing them-- all that you expressed. However, what I want to say now is that looking back at the experience the kids had by being in some of these facilities (and notice I said facilities cause they were in so many different childcare facilities over the years with having moved like 38 times in 9 years) is that they have learned to socialize very well AND also gain much more independence than when I was with them. That is actually what made me realize that although I was trying to get them involved in things and looking at all those aspects of their life, I wasn't allowing them to gain their own individuality and learn some of the aspects of empowerment to make your own decisions to get where you need to (all a part of responsibility) Was it hard-- yes. Do I regret it-- no. What I regret is that they didn't live a balanced life with a mother who could work while in an abusive marriage. It only taught them that they should only think of being home taking care of a family no matter what someone does to you AND really if there were one thing I could go back and change-- I would have become independent and strong much sooner than their ages of 8 and 10. Ultimately what I taught them was that family was everything-- Don't get me wrong, family is important, but when anyone in a family is not being productive or living for themselves and so focused on someone else it isn't healthy. Each person needs to have their own space and identity....
Take Care! Congrats on the job--- it gets easier. :)
-- Edited by sanddie at 17:15, 2005-10-20
Tammy said
Oct 20, 2005
come on Julie dont you know we are suppose to do it all...!! Bring home the bacon, fry it in a pan.. ( I think that was a song years ago ) .. We are MOTHERS we can do it all, at least that is what they think.. Dont loose yourself :)
God Bless
Tammy
leo said
Oct 20, 2005
Hi Julie much better for you to have some positive self esteem and congratulations on your new job. I am a perfectionist but fell in a hole trying to do exactly what you are study,work,clean house perfect mother and wife. I now realize no one is going to knock on my door and say Karen you have the cleanest house in the whole street. We unconsciously think we are doing it so everything is in order for everyone else but really it is for us. You know it is just as important for your kids to have a happy Mum doing something for herself as it is being a parent help at the school. Your happiness will flow on to the kids and the time you spend together on weekends will be quality time. Luv Leo xx
browneyes said
Oct 22, 2005
Hello everyone
Thank you so much for responding to me. It helps me to know I have people out there that understand and are willing to show me some kindness and support. I really don't know what I would do without Alanon and this board. You guys are great friends!!!!
Hi guys
Hope you are all well.
Thought I would post and let everyone know that my daughter finally got a spot in the after school daycare so I can now start working. And yesterday I interviewed and got a job at the first place. Yay! I start in the next week.
The problem is now I am having trouble letting go of seeing my kids every day after school and volunteering in their classroom and going on field trips and all that stuff. I will drop them off at daycare at 7:30 am and pick them up at 5:30 pm. I also won't be able to clean and shop until the weekend, leaving me with not very much time for exercise, reading, playing with my kids. And the suckiest part is my husband comes home last night and says
"So I guess dinner won't be made every night and the house won't get clean" and I told him yes probably not until the weekend. And he says"Yeah like that is gonna happen" and walks away.
Now how is it all my responsibility to take care of EVERYTHING??? He says the money is needed but doesn't want to do anything besides work. So that means I have to do all the housework too? I don't think so!! I'm surely not responsible for it all. So tonight I am going to sit down with him and we will work out a plan for chores for everybody to help out. He just doesn't know it yet LOL
I also won't be able to go back to school unless I go at night. i will pray about that because it seems we do need the money right now. I will try to take it one day at a time and see where HP leads me.
To all of the newcomers, welcome and glad you are here. Keep coming back.
For all of the rest: It is hard for me to respond to everybody but please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers and I am always hoping for the best for everyone!!!
With a sincere heart
Julie D.
((((((((((((((Julie)))))))))))))))
Your posting is my posting to the exact word. Just change the husband to mine, and the ages of our kid(s)
I too drop my kids off early (7:15) and don't pick them up till late (5:45). Only months ago I was home from work at 2:00 at the latest, and was able to volunteer at the school as well. I was able to have supper in the works by the time the kids got home from school..... but that was then.
I did feel awful about having to work now the way and hours that i am, so I had to spend some deep time with my HP. I too want to return to school, however I was guided by my HP to just keep on doing what I am doing right now. I was feeling guilty about not being the mother I was just months ago, but I know from the reassurance from my HP that this is what I am to do for now. So, instead of feeling so lousy about it (cause I can't change it) i decided to look at the benefits.... I will tackle school at the same time as my kids... we can be college buddies!!
My kids will learn independance a bit sooner than if I was not working 
i will have to learn to let my housework slip 
cause I will be damned if I do all the work 
and I shall buy shares in M&M meat shops
Good idea, by the way, of sitting down with hubby to try to come up with a plan. Keep room for flexibility, cause there are very few hours in your social life left, you will want to keep that open.
I am excited to hear how it turns out for you. So glad to have somebody in the same boat!!
Aron
Okay you vented good, does it make a difference when we do it all anyway. Practice being gentle with yourself, yes some things will change, the kids may have to have additional chores, the housework will wait, you are doing the right thing by living while your alive. Hang in there, things have a way of working out.
Hugs Mary
julie.............So that means I have to do all the housework too? I don't think so!! I'm surely not responsible for it all. So tonight I am going to sit down with him and we will work out a plan for chores for everybody to help out. He just doesn't know it yet LOL
rosie.............good one!!!! i love it when i see one of us *sticking to her guns*.........good luck on the talk.......i totally agree with you!!!! rosie
I have to say that being where you are at in my own life at one point, in having been forced to not be with my children cause my ex was so unstable, I struggled as well with not seeing them-- all that you expressed. However, what I want to say now is that looking back at the experience the kids had by being in some of these facilities (and notice I said facilities cause they were in so many different childcare facilities over the years with having moved like 38 times in 9 years) is that they have learned to socialize very well AND also gain much more independence than when I was with them. That is actually what made me realize that although I was trying to get them involved in things and looking at all those aspects of their life, I wasn't allowing them to gain their own individuality and learn some of the aspects of empowerment to make your own decisions to get where you need to (all a part of responsibility) Was it hard-- yes. Do I regret it-- no. What I regret is that they didn't live a balanced life with a mother who could work while in an abusive marriage. It only taught them that they should only think of being home taking care of a family no matter what someone does to you AND really if there were one thing I could go back and change-- I would have become independent and strong much sooner than their ages of 8 and 10. Ultimately what I taught them was that family was everything-- Don't get me wrong, family is important, but when anyone in a family is not being productive or living for themselves and so focused on someone else it isn't healthy. Each person needs to have their own space and identity....
Take Care! Congrats on the job--- it gets easier. :)
-- Edited by sanddie at 17:15, 2005-10-20
come on Julie dont you know we are suppose to do it all...!! Bring home the bacon, fry it in a pan.. ( I think that was a song years ago ) .. We are MOTHERS we can do it all, at least that is what they think.. Dont loose yourself :)
God Bless
Tammy
Hello everyone
Thank you so much for responding to me. It helps me to know I have people out there that understand and are willing to show me some kindness and support. I really don't know what I would do without Alanon and this board. You guys are great friends!!!!
Love
Julie d.