I'm disappointed. My step-father says he's going to meetings but who knows?!!
The junk he comes out with is so awful! He says he doesn't think he even has a problem & resents my mother for telling him if he wants to live with her, he has to go to mtgs & abstain from alcohol.
Lastnight we went to the Astro's game it was exciting & fun. He was like a stone rock. None of us drank anything, like my friend even, to be good examples or wtvr -- no one is rubbing his nose in anything. All u have to say to him is, "how's ur day going?" and he freaks out like you're making some personal attack on him.
Last week, he said he doesn't think he's an alcoholic & last night he sd "I think I ought to be able to have a drink if I want to."
It's so sad... I guess my parents will split up eventually... this is hell on Earth.
I do know, I am not going to be abused anymore & I know my behaviour has no bearing on anyone else's. Out of respect for my mother I will not drink in her house, she hates alcohol SO much & we are all so sensitive & raw right now, about everything. I am willing to be considerate to other's & be empathetic towards others. I know as far as the A is concerned, nothing I do makes a difference anyway.
I guess I do have some problems understanding that alcoholism is a disease... I can see that it is a "disassociative disorder" but it seems like they still have the choice to drink or not. I can even see that the behavior becomes a compulsivity... but saying it's an "incurable disease" surely must make a whole lot of A's feel like it's utterly impossible, so what's the point?
My step-dad swore on the lives of all of my mother's (& his) dogs, both of his parents, my mom's life & mine that he had told her the whole truth about everything... that was b4 she had found out some "other truths"... it is just really so painful to know that someone you love would sacrifice SO MANY lives (of ppl & animals that he SWEARS he loves) for just one more drink!
I am beginning to doubt he will ever come around. He doesn't even read the Big Book. I have to let him go, I can't think about him anymore... if he wants to destroy himself, I will just have to bite my tongue. I guess in heaven, god will tell him how he tried to save him so many times & how he didn't listen or even try.
We all have a choice each & every new moment. I choose me!
I choose to make my life the one that I want to live jofully because I am making the right & positive choices for myself!
I love you all for your positive energy, thank you so much, i reflect it back to you!
Jeannie said
Oct 18, 2005
Hi Kitty,
Choosing you is the best thing that you can do.
I respect your decision to not drink in your Mothers home. My family has chosen to do the same for me. I just cannot be around alcohol right now. The sound of a beer can popping goes right through me. I know it is something that is in our society and I will have to get over it, but in time I will, not right now.
I have the same questions about alcoholism being a disease. I too believe there is a choice to drink or not to drink. I am a smoker, I consider it a horrible habit, not a disease. My husband has liver disease, he chooses to still drink. This is making his disease progress. Dr says at this point total abstinence would reverse most of it, as the disease progresses it will not matter any longer. The damage will be irrepairable.
Tommorrow we bury my couisons 23 year old son. He died of a brain tumor. The young man has literally fouhgt for his life for two years. 2 months ago, with the Dr saying that any more treatment will cause much more pain and suffering, but will most likely not stop death, he chose to stall treatment, except pain management and go with some semblance of peace. He fought until there where no more choices.
My husband has choices and doesn't take them. That is where I have a problem with alcoholism as a disease.
Keep looking out for you.
Love Jeannie
Diva said
Oct 18, 2005
"I guess I do have some problems understanding that alcoholism is a disease... I can see that it is a "disassociative disorder" but it seems like they still have the choice to drink or not. I can even see that the behavior becomes a compulsivity... but saying it's an "incurable disease" surely must make a whole lot of A's feel like it's utterly impossible, so what's the point?"
Kitty, your words, which I have quoted above, could have come from my mouth. I am trying to understand that alcoholism is a disease, but then a large part of me rationalizes that it is not.
I am sorry that your dear mother and you are going through troublesome times. Perhaps putting your step father aside is the only answer for you, and your sanity and peace comes first. Remember that! My positive thoughts and prayers are with you, and I wish you all the best, Diva
nmike said
Oct 18, 2005
kitty,
I don't know whether it is a disease or not but the behavior you describe is so typical. Someone posted about their A standing outside in a hurricane and here your A is at an exciting game and having no response. I still find it incredible how selfish my A is with so much going on that needs attention. I guess they are just numb to their feelings. Sounds like you and your family have put up some good boundaries.
In support,
Nancy
marmare said
Oct 18, 2005
You are right to take care of you. I have tried to make my A "see the light" this last seperation I don't think in the long run will work, he knows this is it, his one last chance.....but who knows, I do know however that I am a stronger and better person because of my own program. Hang in there.
Hugs Mary
cidboy said
Oct 19, 2005
Kitty,
Things the a's in our lives will do and say still surprise me. It just emphasizes to me that we need to take care of ourselves. It sounds like you have a good grasp of what is going on but that doesn't make the overwhelming sadness any easier to take.
I'm disappointed. My step-father says he's going to meetings but who knows?!!
The junk he comes out with is so awful! He says he doesn't think he even has a problem & resents my mother for telling him if he wants to live with her, he has to go to mtgs & abstain from alcohol.
Lastnight we went to the Astro's game it was exciting & fun. He was like a stone rock. None of us drank anything, like my friend even, to be good examples or wtvr -- no one is rubbing his nose in anything. All u have to say to him is, "how's ur day going?" and he freaks out like you're making some personal attack on him.
Last week, he said he doesn't think he's an alcoholic & last night he sd "I think I ought to be able to have a drink if I want to."
It's so sad... I guess my parents will split up eventually... this is hell on Earth.
I do know, I am not going to be abused anymore & I know my behaviour has no bearing on anyone else's. Out of respect for my mother I will not drink in her house, she hates alcohol SO much & we are all so sensitive & raw right now, about everything. I am willing to be considerate to other's & be empathetic towards others. I know as far as the A is concerned, nothing I do makes a difference anyway.
I guess I do have some problems understanding that alcoholism is a disease... I can see that it is a "disassociative disorder" but it seems like they still have the choice to drink or not. I can even see that the behavior becomes a compulsivity... but saying it's an "incurable disease" surely must make a whole lot of A's feel like it's utterly impossible, so what's the point?
My step-dad swore on the lives of all of my mother's (& his) dogs, both of his parents, my mom's life & mine that he had told her the whole truth about everything... that was b4 she had found out some "other truths"... it is just really so painful to know that someone you love would sacrifice SO MANY lives (of ppl & animals that he SWEARS he loves) for just one more drink!
I am beginning to doubt he will ever come around. He doesn't even read the Big Book. I have to let him go, I can't think about him anymore... if he wants to destroy himself, I will just have to bite my tongue. I guess in heaven, god will tell him how he tried to save him so many times & how he didn't listen or even try.
We all have a choice each & every new moment. I choose me!
I choose to make my life the one that I want to live jofully because I am making the right & positive choices for myself!
I love you all for your positive energy, thank you so much, i reflect it back to you!
Hi Kitty,
Choosing you is the best thing that you can do.
I respect your decision to not drink in your Mothers home. My family has chosen to do the same for me. I just cannot be around alcohol right now. The sound of a beer can popping goes right through me. I know it is something that is in our society and I will have to get over it, but in time I will, not right now.
I have the same questions about alcoholism being a disease. I too believe there is a choice to drink or not to drink. I am a smoker, I consider it a horrible habit, not a disease. My husband has liver disease, he chooses to still drink. This is making his disease progress. Dr says at this point total abstinence would reverse most of it, as the disease progresses it will not matter any longer. The damage will be irrepairable.
Tommorrow we bury my couisons 23 year old son. He died of a brain tumor. The young man has literally fouhgt for his life for two years. 2 months ago, with the Dr saying that any more treatment will cause much more pain and suffering, but will most likely not stop death, he chose to stall treatment, except pain management and go with some semblance of peace. He fought until there where no more choices.
My husband has choices and doesn't take them. That is where I have a problem with alcoholism as a disease.
Keep looking out for you.
Love Jeannie
kitty,
I don't know whether it is a disease or not but the behavior you describe is so typical. Someone posted about their A standing outside in a hurricane and here your A is at an exciting game and having no response. I still find it incredible how selfish my A is with so much going on that needs attention. I guess they are just numb to their feelings. Sounds like you and your family have put up some good boundaries.
In support,
Nancy
You are right to take care of you. I have tried to make my A "see the light" this last seperation I don't think in the long run will work, he knows this is it, his one last chance.....but who knows, I do know however that I am a stronger and better person because of my own program. Hang in there.
Hugs Mary
Kitty,
Things the a's in our lives will do and say still surprise me. It just emphasizes to me that we need to take care of ourselves. It sounds like you have a good grasp of what is going on but that doesn't make the overwhelming sadness any easier to take.
Hugs,
Mike