Hi,

A friend of my son has kept his car here for several months now. He has been working out of state, and gave up his apartment. He had no where to leave his car, so my son has kept it until he can come get it. It is registered and insured in the boys name. We turn it on every few days and have permission to use it in an emergency.

My husband called the other day and said his car had broken down again. He was blaming our mechanic, even though it is an old car, and breaks down constantly, the man is a mechanic, not a magician. He then said he was coming over the next day to borrow my sons friends car. He was drunk when he called. I didn't say anything, and he got snotty and said I had better not have a problem with it. I then told him, it was not my car to loan out. The boy knows my husband drives around drunk and does not want him using it. One night he took my sons keys while he was drunk and made copies, so he does have keys. I told him if he wanted to use it, I would give him the phone number and he could call and ask himself. He flipped out and started screaming at me, and I hung up on him.

The next morning , our second grader had a show at school, my husband did not show up. (Suprise, suprise). He left a message on my cell to tell our son he couldn't come because Mommy wouldn't give him a car to drive. (Taxis are beneath him).

Several weeks ago my husband had applied for another job with teh same government agency he was just fired from for drinking on the job. His boss had called here, and said for him to come in and speak to him. I told him htat almost three weeks ago. He hasn't gone yet, too tired, too sick, Mommy needed errands run, etc.

Well his Mother called today to tell me that if my husband didn't get the job it was my fault, because he was going to use the car to go and talk to his former boss. I told her, he has had 3 weeks to do that, all of a sudden he is going to go the day his car is broken down. I said it is his fault and his responsibility and that if she could she would blame me for the local flooding. She had a few more words to say including that my spitefulness was sinking to an all time low. Then I hung up on her. There is no end to what his Mother and him blame me for.

We could not let a person who drives drunk take the young mans car. It would have been completely irresponsible of us. Of course he wouldn't see this.

Thanks for letting me vent.

                        Jeannie

jeannie,

isn't it always amazing how we are the bad guys!!

If it had been his car that was sitting in the driveway and your sons friend wanted to drive it while he was drinking, I'm sure that would have been a different story.

As the mother of a teenage son who is in love with his truck..i would have done the exact same thing you did.

good goin' !!!  you did the right thing....and his mom will get over it and move on to the next thing her son did that she can blame you for : )

Stay strong

hadit

 

Jeannie, It's the good guys that always get blamed! I'm with you on not wanting to let him drive the car while he's been drinking. Stand your ground. You absolutely did the right thing. Does your A honestly think that he's going to get another governmental job after blowing it off for 3 weeks? I've worked for the federal government, these agencies talk to each other about employees. Hmmm.... My A's ex when she's feeling particulary will call me up and scream at me. Did you know it was my fault that he started drinking when they, yes they, were married? Mind you the fact that she use to beat him never enters her mind. So I just put the phone on speaker phone, and go about my chores. All I hear is this little background noise. I once ran the vaccuum and she didn't even notice! Getting a word in edgewise is never gonna happen. When I hear silence at the other end of the phone, then I hang up. I go on with my day. Frankly you've showed much more restraint than I would have. I'd tell her to go jump in the lake! That's a mother in denial. You're doing just fine. Keep on venting. Live strong, Karilynn

Ji Jeannie

You did the right thing.  Remember....if you had aloud him to take the car you would have been endangering the public as a whole letting him drive drunk.  Good for you doing the right thing even though it is sometimes hard as hell.  You probably wouldn't have been able to to live with yourself if something had happened.  As for the job thing....he is a big boy and should be held responsible for getting his butt there one way or another.  Don't feel guilty....i know easier said then done.

Hold strong girlfriend

bd

Hi Jeannie,

I think you handled the whole thing really well by telling your A he had to call about the car. You gave him back the responsibilty.  He would never have the cheek to ring this kid himself.  As for his job every action has a consequence he is probably lying to his Mother and as yet she has to realize that.  Even harder to see the faults in your own children.  You are doing great.  Luv Leo

Isn't it amazing, Jeannie, how the A and those who enable see the whole problem as "our fault?" You are leading a decent life, and teaching your dear children the right ways; keep doing that, and let Mama-in-law take care of her little boy. Maybe SHE has a car he can drive while drunk. *shaking my head and rolling my eyes* Love to you, Diva

Jeannie,

The first thing i thought while I was reading your post was "wow"  I can't believe how good you are at putting the responsibility where it lies, with your husband.  And how well you handled your MIL.  I am shaking my head at how I would have acted (or reacted is really the word).  It makes me realize how much I still need to work on me and my understanding of what is mine and what is not!!!!!  So thank you and you are doing sooo good, strong woman!!

Julie