Day 14, it is hard not to count the days since I have seen my A's face. I miss him terribly, the lonliness consumes me for minutes at a time. I get busy and that seems to help. I am trying to be accepting and not do the "what if" or "why" but it is one of the hardest things ever. The change I know is healthy for me, but him not being part of life on a daily basis (no matter how awful it has been) is so very hard. My gut and heart ache to hear his voice. This waiting I know is part of the process, but it is hard. I want to get to where I just accept things as they are, even if it is for just this one minute. I am trying but it is hard. Today is especially hard as it was supposed to be the day I was to leave to go to AZ and see my granddaughter for the first time. This then makes me lonely. This is hard.
Hugs Mary
Karilynn said
Oct 14, 2005
((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))))),
Extra hugs for you. When my A moved to the halfway house it was so hard. It's the routine of him being there that I miss. I don't miss the drinking. For the first 30 days we couldn't call each other nor see each other without a Peer being with him. It was so odd after all this time.
I was use to him being away when he was working. He use to fly all over the world. But this time around it was different. You get use to it. It doesn't mean that you don't love him. You get use to the sound of your house without him. Just take it one minute at a time.
You have your sons, and that's good. I never thought that I would talk to the cat as much as I do now. She answers back! If it's the stillness that bothers you, try putting on the TV or radio just as background. It's calming just to hear something.
Hang in there. You're doing better than you realize. Be good to yourself. Keeping you in thoughts and prayers. You can do this.
Live strong,
Karilynn
Kim said
Oct 14, 2005
Mary,
I know how you feel. God, do I. It has been almost two months since my A left and some days it is hard....but it will get better with time. I do see him now, but the routine is not what it was. I have been having a difficult time with Sundays recently and I realized b/c that was our "family" day, a day that I enjoyed. I cooked, my stepdaughter was here and he watched football..now, it's just me....for the past few weeks I haven't been able to get out of my own way on a Sunday and I have vowed that this Sunday will be different! You will see Mary...in time you will find peace within yourself in being without him. My prayers are with you always....
canadianguy said
Oct 14, 2005
Tough times Mary..... but you are strong.
Please tell me you are journalling..... I found this to be VERY helpful, as we tend to write down factual stuff, and are able to refer to it when we are feeling more emotional and vulnerable.... it lets us stick to the facts, better than when we are lonely and missing them, when our memories become selective and somewhat through 'rose colored glasses'.
Take care
Tom
Ratchie said
Oct 14, 2005
Dear Mary,
We're on the same time frame. My A also moved out 2 weeks ago. I've seen him quite a bit, as his is still getting his things little by little. We have talked vey little. I was so lonely for him last night that I called him just to see how he's doing. I asked him if he still thought he'd made the right decision (by moving out). There was a really long pause, then he said "I'd be stupid if I didn't think I did the right thing now!" Wow... What I really wanted to hear was "I miss you, let's work things out..." But what I got was a reality check.
And Fridays are hard for me too. The last 2 weeks he has had our youngest daughter at his house on Friday night, so I'm alone (for the first time in 18 years). I feel like such a loser. I'm trying to keep busy as well, a lot of busy work out of the house on Friday nights. But then I see couples out doing their Friday nite stuff, and I get even more depressed. But then the thought hit me tonite, that even if we were together, he wouldn't be here anyways! I would be stressed out about when he would come home, what mood he'd be in, etc... And if he were drinking tonite tomorrow would be hell... So I guess out of the two choices, I'm better off with being by myself.
I do feel like my daughter is getting a better deal out of it anyways. She's had more attention from her daddy than she's ever had. As for my teenage daughter, he wants her to come over Sunday & "hang out". She told me "Where was he when I was 7 years old and wanted to be with him? Why now when I have a life?" I told her she needs to tell him that, that maybe he needs to realize how deeply she's been hurt by all of this. She still refuses to think that he's an A, as he is not an every day drinker. But growing up in this household, she doesn't realize that it's not normal for all dads to say "I can't wait till you get your license so that you can pick me up from the bar!"
You probably can relate to a lot of the above. Just sharing my own experience so that you know you're not in this alone. As I'm writing it out, it does give me more perspective on things. The journaling is a great idea.
Day 14, it is hard not to count the days since I have seen my A's face. I miss him terribly, the lonliness consumes me for minutes at a time. I get busy and that seems to help. I am trying to be accepting and not do the "what if" or "why" but it is one of the hardest things ever. The change I know is healthy for me, but him not being part of life on a daily basis (no matter how awful it has been) is so very hard. My gut and heart ache to hear his voice. This waiting I know is part of the process, but it is hard. I want to get to where I just accept things as they are, even if it is for just this one minute. I am trying but it is hard. Today is especially hard as it was supposed to be the day I was to leave to go to AZ and see my granddaughter for the first time. This then makes me lonely. This is hard.
Hugs Mary
Mary,
I know how you feel. God, do I. It has been almost two months since my A left and some days it is hard....but it will get better with time. I do see him now, but the routine is not what it was. I have been having a difficult time with Sundays recently and I realized b/c that was our "family" day, a day that I enjoyed. I cooked, my stepdaughter was here and he watched football..now, it's just me....for the past few weeks I haven't been able to get out of my own way on a Sunday and I have vowed that this Sunday will be different! You will see Mary...in time you will find peace within yourself in being without him. My prayers are with you always....
Tough times Mary..... but you are strong.
Please tell me you are journalling..... I found this to be VERY helpful, as we tend to write down factual stuff, and are able to refer to it when we are feeling more emotional and vulnerable.... it lets us stick to the facts, better than when we are lonely and missing them, when our memories become selective and somewhat through 'rose colored glasses'.
Take care
Tom
Dear Mary,
We're on the same time frame. My A also moved out 2 weeks ago. I've seen him quite a bit, as his is still getting his things little by little. We have talked vey little. I was so lonely for him last night that I called him just to see how he's doing. I asked him if he still thought he'd made the right decision (by moving out). There was a really long pause, then he said "I'd be stupid if I didn't think I did the right thing now!" Wow... What I really wanted to hear was "I miss you, let's work things out..." But what I got was a reality check.
And Fridays are hard for me too. The last 2 weeks he has had our youngest daughter at his house on Friday night, so I'm alone (for the first time in 18 years). I feel like such a loser. I'm trying to keep busy as well, a lot of busy work out of the house on Friday nights. But then I see couples out doing their Friday nite stuff, and I get even more depressed. But then the thought hit me tonite, that even if we were together, he wouldn't be here anyways! I would be stressed out about when he would come home, what mood he'd be in, etc... And if he were drinking tonite tomorrow would be hell... So I guess out of the two choices, I'm better off with being by myself.
I do feel like my daughter is getting a better deal out of it anyways. She's had more attention from her daddy than she's ever had. As for my teenage daughter, he wants her to come over Sunday & "hang out". She told me "Where was he when I was 7 years old and wanted to be with him? Why now when I have a life?" I told her she needs to tell him that, that maybe he needs to realize how deeply she's been hurt by all of this. She still refuses to think that he's an A, as he is not an every day drinker. But growing up in this household, she doesn't realize that it's not normal for all dads to say "I can't wait till you get your license so that you can pick me up from the bar!"
You probably can relate to a lot of the above. Just sharing my own experience so that you know you're not in this alone. As I'm writing it out, it does give me more perspective on things. The journaling is a great idea.
We can do this... one day at a time...
Love,
Ratchie