Hi All,

Im a fairly new but greatfull member of Alanon.  I have been working my program really well and hard until about the end of Sept.  Then it all changed for me.  My sponor who I have just gotten, we have just done step one.  Well she had to go out of town for her father who is dying and well, that was about 5weeks ago.  I have missed my f2f meetings because of work commitments falling on the same night, and the fact that Im a single mom I cant just pickup and go to a meeting when ever I want to.  I have been online in the chat room lots and that has been helping.  Lately I have been feeling very "HALT".

I had an altercation with my X who is an active A last weekend, he was drunk when he came to pick up his kids. (3-5YRS). Anyways, after abit of a struggle, lots of words, my nieghbor asked him to leave or else we would call the police.  He finally did only to hassel me by phone.  I called his parents as I felt that they needed to be involved(at the time I did, now Im not too sure it was the right thing) anyways.....As for me well I ended up running to my parents and telling them everything too and stayed over with the kids as I felt that was the safest thing to do.  My current boyfriend who is 15yrs in Recovery, well he too is out of town and is concerned for me and my kids. 

Anyways now, my X is remorsefull.  I have an appointment with Family Justice to see if I can have it documented, and maybe have the court order changed, to at least have something in there about his drinking.  My parents call me daily to check in on me and my X well he has begged me to give him another chance at seeing the kids.  I agreed and let them go on wednesday overnight.  My mom freaked out on me.  said I should not have let them go.  Im so confused.  I feel bad for the A as he is a great father and the kids want to see him, but I dont trust his drinking.  THough he did promise he would not drink with his kids around.  I believe him.  Is that crazy?

All I want is for my A and I to get along.  we have 2 very small kids together and I want him to see them.  He is not ready to get help and he does not have a girlfriend.  It has been 2yrs for us to be apart and the other day he said he wished we were still together.  You know what?  I just thought of something......our anns was last sat.  would have been 7 yrs. the night he was drunk.  just hit me right now.  anyways......I have moved forward, and he is still stuck.

I want to continue to work my program but feel stuck too.  Need some help not sure what kind or how but know I do.  Thank you all for being here and listening to me vent.

Sunny...............

Hi Welcome to the program. I would like to tell you that you are doing a really good job, you have taken the right steps in taking care of yourself. It is very important that you take care of yourself and your kids. Hope all goes well. Your worth it.

Sunny, I don't have answers for you, just my owm experience. As much as your A really meant it when he said he would not drink around the children, he may not be able to hold to that promise. Have you ever heard the question "How do you know when an A is lying"? The answer is "when he opens his mouth". The risk to your children is too great to trust him and chance it to drive drunk with them. A few years back my A took my son camping. My son was about 8 then (15 now). My A had promised not to drunk and to take care of my son. My A hit a tree while in the campground (drunk) and my son was in the back of the pick up truck A was driving. Thank HP that my son wasn't hurt, he saw it coming and braced himself, all the while screaming DAD!!..DAD!!!!. A had to go fairly slow in the campground or the whole situation could have been devistating. Needless to say that was the end of my son ever going with him anywhere alone. I never trusted the A again no matter how much he protestd. I just couldn't take that chance. It's sad, but that's the way it had to be. Christy Christy