For a long time I deliberated whether to continue my Alanon meeting here in Germany, because I need meetings, but I have decided to stop and this is why: I think the German Alanon here cannot heal like Online.
The meeting starts by reading the Steps, Preamble and Traditions. Each Person reads two, regardless how long(German ordered behaviour?) There is no naming of topics, instead they go around the circle and each person says how his week was (much like a therapy session). You're supposed to talk only a short minute, but Germans do not learn in school the difference between a filibuster and a discussion so once they have the floor, they tend to conquer it and only stop when listeners protest loudly or audibly shuffle papers. This part can take a long time, since it's a rule in meeting never to interrupt. After that, people raise hands and speak on whatever they wish.
At first, I thought this acceptance was good until:
One man spoke repeatedly every week about his dying mother of MS-- in all graphic detail,
his tooth extraction....in graphic detail (The dentist was Rumanian....his explanation???), and
how he held his baby girl out 4th story window to see when she would become afraid...in graphic detail, of course.
Then one member who had put her name on call list asked in meeting not to be called ???? Of course, toto was one of the new members who had called. I was very embarassed. Another talked about hubby going on vacation to US and how she would never go because she didn't like Amerika (US)...
I mentioned that it was hard for me to feel accepted to quasi-leader on the phone and she said to ignore such talk, to hear past it. She said besides they were only individuals there, not friends. So, during the urine stories (MS), toto spent an extra long time in the toilette to avoid having to listen, but after a while my visits to the WC became obvious.
They had contact to each other but not to me; I was the outsider, the only foreigner in the group and they were all locals. (I do speak fluent German, however, and have been here 35 years.). But, no one cared there really about toto. sniff. In six months I was never called once, although I tried repeatedly to make contact. Adding insult to injury, I had to take taxi there and back ($20), even though one member lived on my street and came with car. (I have walking disability.)
Then I found you.
I decided I would recover faster here, and I was right. It is the caring that has helped even though it's harder to get literature and I never get time right. So moral of the story??
(click, click) "There's no place like home, there's no place like home....."
Mentality, culture, home makes a difference.
Danke all, thanks Oz
Toto
Karilynn said
Oct 13, 2005
Toto12,
Home is where the heart is. If your heart is here: WELCOME HOME!
I live in a very small town in New England, and I have found that the 1 meeting they have a week was not what I needed. That's okay. They are who they are, and they get great comfort and support from each other. More power to them.
That's the beauty of this site. I feel right at home. Glad you with us. I don't have a clue how to say "Your Welcome" in German, but you are! Look foward to reading your posts.
Live strong,
Karilynn
tea2 said
Oct 13, 2005
(((Toto)))
So glad you are here!
((hugs)) T
Flora123 said
Oct 13, 2005
Dear Toto,
You are a very welcome asset to the chat room, and to the boards.
We have spoken a couple of times, and, it may be my imagination, but are you a little bit homesick? If so, what can you do?
I know the homesick feeling - I have lived in England for over 30 years, but am Scottish. Fortunately, only 450 miles away from home!
Through Alanon, I now go to Scottish conventions, and build in a visit to my sister and brothers.
This site is a god-send for me, too, glad you are here.
Lots of love,
Flora
xxxx
Maria123 said
Oct 13, 2005
(((((((((Toto))))))))))),
I am glad you are here too in the MIP and online meetings. I guess foreigners don't study and consider multiculturalism like we do in America. :( In both of my F2F meetings, we have people of different cultures, and we go out of our way to be patient and listen to the dialect and make them feel welcome.
Glad you are here and glad you posted your feelings.
Maria
UncleLou said
Oct 14, 2005
When I was in rehab, I took the opportunity to learn as much as I could from everyone. Of course I got alot out of the councilors and other patients there who wanted recovery as seriously as I did. But I also learned quite a bit from others whose behavior I did not want to emulate. Listening and dealing with these people, I imagined my self looking in a mirror to see what about myself I could see back. Changing my perspective like that opened up many new chances to look inward to honestly see some parts of me I may have never looked at before. Today I feel a lot less judgemental towards others that I don't see eye to eye with, and still take what I can from those people to help me see myself with more humility.
Hi,
For a long time I deliberated whether to continue my Alanon meeting here in Germany, because I need meetings, but I have decided to stop and this is why: I think the German Alanon here cannot heal like Online.
The meeting starts by reading the Steps, Preamble and Traditions. Each Person reads two, regardless how long(German ordered behaviour?) There is no naming of topics, instead they go around the circle and each person says how his week was (much like a therapy session). You're supposed to talk only a short minute, but Germans do not learn in school the difference between a filibuster and a discussion so once they have the floor, they tend to conquer it and only stop when listeners protest loudly or audibly shuffle papers. This part can take a long time, since it's a rule in meeting never to interrupt. After that, people raise hands and speak on whatever they wish.
At first, I thought this acceptance was good until:
One man spoke repeatedly every week about his dying mother of MS-- in all graphic detail,
his tooth extraction....in graphic detail (The dentist was Rumanian....his explanation???), and
how he held his baby girl out 4th story window to see when she would become afraid...in graphic detail, of course.
Then one member who had put her name on call list asked in meeting not to be called ???? Of course, toto was one of the new members who had called. I was very embarassed. Another talked about hubby going on vacation to US and how she would never go because she didn't like Amerika (US)...
I mentioned that it was hard for me to feel accepted to quasi-leader on the phone and she said to ignore such talk, to hear past it. She said besides they were only individuals there, not friends. So, during the urine stories (MS), toto spent an extra long time in the toilette to avoid having to listen, but after a while my visits to the WC became obvious.
They had contact to each other but not to me; I was the outsider, the only foreigner in the group and they were all locals. (I do speak fluent German, however, and have been here 35 years.). But, no one cared there really about toto. sniff. In six months I was never called once, although I tried repeatedly to make contact. Adding insult to injury, I had to take taxi there and back ($20), even though one member lived on my street and came with car. (I have walking disability.)
Then I found you.
I decided I would recover faster here, and I was right. It is the caring that has helped even though it's harder to get literature and I never get time right. So moral of the story??
(click, click) "There's no place like home, there's no place like home....."
Mentality, culture, home makes a difference.
Danke all, thanks Oz
Toto
(((Toto)))
So glad you are here!
((hugs)) T
(((((((((Toto))))))))))),
I am glad you are here too in the MIP and online meetings. I guess foreigners don't study and consider multiculturalism like we do in America. :( In both of my F2F meetings, we have people of different cultures, and we go out of our way to be patient and listen to the dialect and make them feel welcome.
Glad you are here and glad you posted your feelings.
Maria
When I was in rehab, I took the opportunity to learn as much as I could from everyone. Of course I got alot out of the councilors and other patients there who wanted recovery as seriously as I did. But I also learned quite a bit from others whose behavior I did not want to emulate. Listening and dealing with these people, I imagined my self looking in a mirror to see what about myself I could see back. Changing my perspective like that opened up many new chances to look inward to honestly see some parts of me I may have never looked at before. Today I feel a lot less judgemental towards others that I don't see eye to eye with, and still take what I can from those people to help me see myself with more humility.
Lou