By the time we reach Alanon many of us resent others whose lives appear less troubled, envying what we think they have.But in time we discover that each of us are special. I have a unique set of skills, interests and opportunities. I'm asured that I have everthing I need to do what I am here to do today. That doesnt mean I have everything I want, but, I can trust that my HP has a better grasp of what's good for me than I do.
To envy someone else because I want what I think they have is a waste of time. We are on different paths. They have what they need, I have what I need. Resentments will only put a wedge between me and another human being.
I am no ones victim. I am where I belong. Envy is nothing more than a hostile form of self pity. I will not succumb to it today. Instead , I will be grateful for the many gifts , talents, and opportunities I have been given. When I appreciate what I have instead of dwelling on what I lack, I feel good about my life. This allows me to be happy for another person's abundance.
Todays reminder: Another persons bounty reminds me wonderful things can happen at anytime to anybody. I will appreciate the many gifts I have been given...............gardengal
canadianguy said
Oct 11, 2005
Boy, can I relate to the subject of envy.... when my wife was active, and I was coming home to the chaotic household that I never knew WHAT I was going to find.... I remember thinking about other people in the neighbourhood - how happy they seemed.... how together their lives seemed.... how they would DIE if they knew what my house was like behind closed doors....
I lived like that for quite a few years, and also remember being envious of my wife, as she seemed to be getting along just fine with her addiction, and wasn't taking responsibility for any of it!!
It wasn't until a few years later, and lots of Al-Anon, that I stopped being envious of others, or at least not to the same extent.... I still, on occasion, go back to my 'pity party' and do the "what-ifs", etc., but not nearly as often as before....
Things aren't good or bad... they just are.
Take care
Tom
Karilynn said
Oct 12, 2005
Gardengal,
Good morning! Boy are you on the right track. That was a great post. What a smart person you are.
I don't know that I've ever envied what other people have. But I remember just wanting things to get back to "normal", that things would settle down a bit. You're right things are the way they are for a reason.
I will once in a while wish that I had could live the life my cat lives. A no stress day, doing what she wants, coming in for food and love and rubdowns. Such a life. But then when I take a second look, I think if I really did have her life I'd be out catching mice, frogs, and have hair on parts of me that I don't want to!
Live strong,
Karilynn
WakingUp said
Oct 12, 2005
I can relate to this. Not only is one daughter an A, but the other has severe learning disabilities. I was divorced from their A dad and was a single mom with no child support, so I really poured myself into my kids. Hard not to feel sometimes that it was all for nothing. What good did it do? Are they any better off? What good all the hard work, sacrifice, night school, the desperate struggle to not only survive but provide a good life for them? It seems that everywhere I turned I made the wrong decision. Hard not to feel envy sometimes. I hope to get to the point someday, like some of you, where I can say that things are exactly the way they should be/should have been. Not there yet.
gardengal said
Oct 12, 2005
Wakingup, you sound like a very "unselfish" person putting the needs of your family first and foremost. You should be very proud of what you have done "alone". Your children have one heck of a woman for a mother, whereas others arent so lucky. Please be gentle on yourself and remember to have a little "fun" yourself , do something nice for "yourself", when you can, to me you deserve it.
By the time we reach Alanon many of us resent others whose lives appear less
troubled, envying what we think they have.But in time we discover that each of us are special. I have a unique set of skills, interests and opportunities. I'm asured that I have everthing I need to do what I am here to do today. That doesnt mean I have everything I want, but, I can trust that my HP has a better grasp of what's good for me than I do.
To envy someone else because I want what I think they have is a waste of time. We are on different paths. They have what they need, I have what I need. Resentments will only put a wedge between me and another human being.
I am no ones victim. I am where I belong. Envy is nothing more than a hostile form of self pity. I will not succumb to it today. Instead , I will be grateful for the many gifts , talents, and opportunities I have been given. When I appreciate what I have instead of dwelling on what I lack, I feel good about my life. This allows me to be happy for another person's abundance.
Todays reminder: Another persons bounty reminds me wonderful things can happen at anytime to anybody. I will appreciate the many gifts I have been given...............gardengal
Boy, can I relate to the subject of envy.... when my wife was active, and I was coming home to the chaotic household that I never knew WHAT I was going to find.... I remember thinking about other people in the neighbourhood - how happy they seemed.... how together their lives seemed.... how they would DIE if they knew what my house was like behind closed doors....
I lived like that for quite a few years, and also remember being envious of my wife, as she seemed to be getting along just fine with her addiction, and wasn't taking responsibility for any of it!!
It wasn't until a few years later, and lots of Al-Anon, that I stopped being envious of others, or at least not to the same extent.... I still, on occasion, go back to my 'pity party' and do the "what-ifs", etc., but not nearly as often as before....
Things aren't good or bad... they just are.
Take care
Tom
I can relate to this. Not only is one daughter an A, but the other has severe learning disabilities. I was divorced from their A dad and was a single mom with no child support, so I really poured myself into my kids. Hard not to feel sometimes that it was all for nothing. What good did it do? Are they any better off? What good all the hard work, sacrifice, night school, the desperate struggle to not only survive but provide a good life for them? It seems that everywhere I turned I made the wrong decision. Hard not to feel envy sometimes. I hope to get to the point someday, like some of you, where I can say that things are exactly the way they should be/should have been. Not there yet.
Wakingup, you sound like a very "unselfish" person putting the needs of your family first and foremost. You should be very proud of what you have done "alone". Your children have one heck of a woman for a mother, whereas others arent so lucky. Please be gentle on yourself and remember to have a little "fun" yourself , do something nice for "yourself", when you can, to me you deserve it.
Live and let live,,,,,,,gardengal