I have truely surrendered in regards to my A's disease and the future of our relationship. I am working my Program, taking care of myself and the kids and trying to enjoy life as much as I can whether the A. wants to be involved or not. I have tried communicating w/him regarding my needs in our marriage and for the majority of the time he shut them down, shut me up and didn't want to address anything. I have given up trying so hard to keep this marriage together and have focused my energy and attention on keeping myself together. Actually, I am doing pretty good. I ended up sleeping in the 5yrs. old room last night because he had an ear ache. When my A. and I got up this morning I was telling him about our son and how him and I had a difficult night sleeping. Anyway, A. tells me "...me too. I had bad dreams all night long." I asked him what did he dream about. He told me he dreamt I left him. I didn't know what to say other than "I'm sorry you didn't rest well." Makes me wonder...I keep thinking he is oblivious to what is going on in our home...yet his mind is working when he is sleeping and apparently it is something that really bothers him. I'm beginning to think he isn't in the dark as much as I thought he was.

Sounds to me like there is activity in your hubby's head.....  He's certainly aware of your progress, and is likely very fearful of losing you, and your family....  That is all positive stuff, in the hopes of him choosing recovery, but unfortunately, not a given....  Alcoholics can be sooooo stubborn in their steadfast approach to saving their addiction....  who knows what will trigger his decision to seek recovery....  Some get triggered at early signs of drinking problems - others never do...

Sounds to me like you are taking care of yourself...  and that is always a good thing....  If your hubby chooses sobriety, you will better be able to handle that...... if he doesn't, you will be better able to handle that..... either way, you win, by taking care of YOU!!

 

Tom