Well I've gotten through week one with my husband moved out. I've still seen him almost every day as he is still getting stuff out of the house, but not staying here anymore. One night when he was here moving more stuff I told him he could eat supper with me & the girls. Figured why not? Actually it went pretty well, but by the time he left I was glad to see him go. I noticed he did a lot of talking about himself, what HE wants, what HE's going to do, etc. Not much different than usual.
I've tried my hardest to turn everything over to my HP and not worry about the future. Kind of hard to worry about the future when TODAY is hard enough to get through. I can't believe all the things that have broke down, gone wrong, you name it in the last week. Last week my daughter's car & my van both quit on the same day. My van's still in the shop, but at least I thought the car would see us thru. Tonite my husband pointed out to me that the taillights don't work -- so I couldn't pick my daughter up from work. So my A thought he would be REAL helpful & loan me his newer truck (that he MAGICALLY!!!! found the money to buy for HIMSELF this last week!) Which makes me wonder what else he's doing that I don't know about to make money?? Dealing perhaps?
I've been dealing with a lot of anger today, that I feel like I've been left with a lot of junk to deal with (both emotionally and cars, etc.) And as a friend of mine pointed out today, I need to quit worrying about what my A's doing, what he's got, etc... and think about myself and my girls.
The thing that bugs me is that I know I'm trying to do the RIGHT thing in life, by setting a better example for my kids and being strong for them. And I've always heard that the A has to hit "bottom". So why is all this bad stuff happening to me? I feel like I've already hit my bottom and am in the process of digging myself out, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. I know it's not a competition or anything like that, but it still hurts.
My friends and family tell me that they're proud of what I'm doing, and how I'm handling things. But I still feel like I'm on that tightrope, and may fall off any moment. Anybody relate to that?
Love ya!
Ratchie
hadit said
Oct 10, 2005
Hi Ratchie,
I have been sererated from my A for a month now. One thing I have learned is that the whole world must evolve around them. The Me syndrome. It is very hard to get it all together, a different type of lifestyle being alone. A peaceful lonliness is what I feel. I too am dealing with alot of anger today, and I'm not really enjoying it much either. I will turn it over to my HP, anger is not good for any of us.
This site is the best!!!
Keep speaking your feelings, both good and bad. Hang in there and don't feel alone. There is a possibility that we are on the same tightrope, lol.
We will all make it
hadit
sandie123 said
Oct 10, 2005
Ratchie~
I'm proud of you and the progress you have made. Keep up the good work and keep the focus on you and your children. Don't let your A drive you crazy even when he is out of the house. Do what you need for you and take things one day at a time.
I pass you what power I am able to pass on and wish you the best.
Hang in there... things will get better.
Prayers~
Linda
marmare said
Oct 10, 2005
I too have been 10 days without my A. I am starting to tell myself "if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it" I trust that I am a good person that deserves to be treated that way. Maybe my HP has big plans for me. I have married not once but twice to alcoholics. One violent one neglectful. I am a loving and good person and think that maybe I needed all this to know what kind of person I truely am. I have started telling my self such wonderful things, LOL someone has to tell me....I have not seen my A but have talked to him just today, I felt secure in my decision when we hung up the final time that I am doing the right thing. I have turned over my financial worries to my HP also. I will be honest with whoever I owe money to, I will do the best I can. I was way worse off 10 years ago as a single mom with four boys under the age of 12 and no child support. I can do this. I also think that you must be a very strong person as your HP will not give you more then you can handle. Hang in there, you are in my prayers and heart.
Hugs Mary
canadianguy said
Oct 10, 2005
Life is a journey, and it certainly doesn't always happen in our time frame, or the way we would lay it out.... However, please try to be thankful for what you DO have, and that is your health (both physical and emotional), and that is a HUGE blessing... You will ultimately be rewarded for perseverance, for being true to yourself..... Some days it appears the A's are "winning", but they really aren't, unless they are choosing a life of sobriety... Most of their 'victories' are short lived and shallow ones...
Be yourself, and you'll grow to fall in love with who you are, all over again...
Take care
Tom
abbyal said
Oct 11, 2005
Hi Ratchie, sounds like your doin ok regardless i know at the moment nothing makes alot of sence he "appears " to be doing well. I learned early on that they need us alot more than we need them- may not look like it now but time will tell. It always amazes me that we think we are so weak when we arrive here and it's just the opposite we go thru this crap stone cold sober, weak I really don't think so. Just keep doing what your doin focus on your own needs and you will be ok. good luck Louise
nmike said
Oct 11, 2005
Hey Ratchie,
I am right with you. My husband moved out in June and although he doesn't drink he is just as addictive. I have most of the responsibilites, the physical work of the house, am the recipient of his decision, and so forth. He joined the golf club, comes and goes as he pleases, and basically doesn't do anything any more. I was resentful and angry but I went to an open AA meeting and they told me resentment would kill me. I am trying as you can. Those A's are all about themselves. I told a friend how selfish my husband was being and she said well tell him it is time to be selfish yourself. She said do things for yourself.
Posting here at the Alanon site tells me that we are not alone!
Hi Friends,
Well I've gotten through week one with my husband moved out. I've still seen him almost every day as he is still getting stuff out of the house, but not staying here anymore. One night when he was here moving more stuff I told him he could eat supper with me & the girls. Figured why not? Actually it went pretty well, but by the time he left I was glad to see him go. I noticed he did a lot of talking about himself, what HE wants, what HE's going to do, etc. Not much different than usual.
I've tried my hardest to turn everything over to my HP and not worry about the future. Kind of hard to worry about the future when TODAY is hard enough to get through. I can't believe all the things that have broke down, gone wrong, you name it in the last week. Last week my daughter's car & my van both quit on the same day. My van's still in the shop, but at least I thought the car would see us thru. Tonite my husband pointed out to me that the taillights don't work -- so I couldn't pick my daughter up from work. So my A thought he would be REAL helpful & loan me his newer truck (that he MAGICALLY!!!! found the money to buy for HIMSELF this last week!) Which makes me wonder what else he's doing that I don't know about to make money?? Dealing perhaps?
I've been dealing with a lot of anger today, that I feel like I've been left with a lot of junk to deal with (both emotionally and cars, etc.) And as a friend of mine pointed out today, I need to quit worrying about what my A's doing, what he's got, etc... and think about myself and my girls.
The thing that bugs me is that I know I'm trying to do the RIGHT thing in life, by setting a better example for my kids and being strong for them. And I've always heard that the A has to hit "bottom". So why is all this bad stuff happening to me? I feel like I've already hit my bottom and am in the process of digging myself out, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. I know it's not a competition or anything like that, but it still hurts.
My friends and family tell me that they're proud of what I'm doing, and how I'm handling things. But I still feel like I'm on that tightrope, and may fall off any moment. Anybody relate to that?
Love ya!
Ratchie
Hi Ratchie,
I have been sererated from my A for a month now. One thing I have learned is that the whole world must evolve around them. The Me syndrome. It is very hard to get it all together, a different type of lifestyle being alone. A peaceful lonliness is what I feel. I too am dealing with alot of anger today, and I'm not really enjoying it much either. I will turn it over to my HP, anger is not good for any of us.
This site is the best!!!
Keep speaking your feelings, both good and bad. Hang in there and don't feel alone. There is a possibility that we are on the same tightrope, lol.
We will all make it
hadit
Ratchie~
I'm proud of you and the progress you have made. Keep up the good work and keep the focus on you and your children. Don't let your A drive you crazy even when he is out of the house. Do what you need for you and take things one day at a time.
I pass you what power I am able to pass on and wish you the best.
Hang in there... things will get better.
Prayers~
Linda
I too have been 10 days without my A. I am starting to tell myself "if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it" I trust that I am a good person that deserves to be treated that way. Maybe my HP has big plans for me. I have married not once but twice to alcoholics. One violent one neglectful. I am a loving and good person and think that maybe I needed all this to know what kind of person I truely am. I have started telling my self such wonderful things, LOL someone has to tell me....I have not seen my A but have talked to him just today, I felt secure in my decision when we hung up the final time that I am doing the right thing. I have turned over my financial worries to my HP also. I will be honest with whoever I owe money to, I will do the best I can. I was way worse off 10 years ago as a single mom with four boys under the age of 12 and no child support. I can do this. I also think that you must be a very strong person as your HP will not give you more then you can handle. Hang in there, you are in my prayers and heart.
Hugs Mary
Life is a journey, and it certainly doesn't always happen in our time frame, or the way we would lay it out.... However, please try to be thankful for what you DO have, and that is your health (both physical and emotional), and that is a HUGE blessing... You will ultimately be rewarded for perseverance, for being true to yourself..... Some days it appears the A's are "winning", but they really aren't, unless they are choosing a life of sobriety... Most of their 'victories' are short lived and shallow ones...
Be yourself, and you'll grow to fall in love with who you are, all over again...
Take care
Tom
Hi Ratchie, sounds like your doin ok regardless i know at the moment nothing makes alot of sence he "appears " to be doing well. I learned early on that they need us alot more than we need them- may not look like it now but time will tell. It always amazes me that we think we are so weak when we arrive here and it's just the opposite we go thru this crap stone cold sober, weak I really don't think so. Just keep doing what your doin focus on your own needs and you will be ok. good luck Louise
Hey Ratchie,
I am right with you. My husband moved out in June and although he doesn't drink he is just as addictive. I have most of the responsibilites, the physical work of the house, am the recipient of his decision, and so forth. He joined the golf club, comes and goes as he pleases, and basically doesn't do anything any more. I was resentful and angry but I went to an open AA meeting and they told me resentment would kill me. I am trying as you can. Those A's are all about themselves. I told a friend how selfish my husband was being and she said well tell him it is time to be selfish yourself. She said do things for yourself.
Posting here at the Alanon site tells me that we are not alone!
In support,
Nancy