Well, his parents have now laid down the law. He called because his mother told him that was condition to staying there this week. He started by telling me that he hasn't thought about me all week, (I so much wanted to say that is because he was drunk and/or high, but I didn't) I stayed strong and repeated stuff I have been telling myself. Like, I am doing this for me and my emotional health. I am standing up for myself and the way we are living is not acceptable to me any longer. I've decided that no one is going to treat me like I have allowed in this relationship. He said he was done in this relationship, that his mother said he has to be out by Saturday and that I had no right telling them that he was doing cocaine. I simple stated that I am not hiding anything from anyone ever again. If I repeat things I truly believe in with all my heart then maybe just maybe I can not cave in. He tried to make me feel guilty because he put his paycheck in the bank and now that his mother has told him she wants him out Saturday and he doesn't have any money and no place to go. I will not feel bad for him! I refuse to feel guilty because I am taking care of me and the boys. I did tell him when he starts becoming accountable for his own behavior and quits blaming others for all his problems then maybe things in his life will change. I asked him several times if our marriage is over he said at one point, he is 90-95% sure it is, that I kicked him out so I don't want him there. I said no, I want to be married to you but not the way we have been living for years. I stated that I feel that he has taken advantage of the kind of person I am, that because I am a loving and forgiving person that he has at times used that to his advantage and that I can no longer allow him to do that. He said he will no longer put money in the bank, oh well, then certain bills will not get paid, I will make changes this week to cut expenses. I will be fine, if I can pay the car payment, the car insurance, the mortgage, the electric, the phone, and buy food, I will be just fine. Oh yeah, before I hung up, I asked so do you want your 1/2 of things on the covered deck, he said, I don't have anywhere to put it yet and maybe I’ll come around. He said if I loved him I would accept him just the way he is, I said I do but that doesn't mean I have to live with you. As I sit here writing this I see the manipulation in his conversation, his trying to bully me into getting what he wants and needs, like he has done for so long. I have my dignity back!!! I am hurting a severe hurt, but I have dignity.
Hugs Mary
BlueCloud said
Oct 10, 2005
Mary,
You're really taking care of you--good for you! I really hear your strength and your determination in this post to take care of yourself and the boys by setting crystal clear boundaries. I was moved and strengthened by your post. Thank you for sharing!
BlueCloud
Karilynn said
Oct 10, 2005
(((((Mary)))),
Good for you! Keep your boundaries, and doing what is best for you and the boys. I am glad that his family sees what's going on. It's so hard for parents to accept the brutal truth no matter how old their children are.
I'm proud of you. Hugs to your boys as well.
Live strong,
Karilynn
megan said
Oct 10, 2005
Hi mary
((((((((((Mary)))))))))))
I am so glad that you have your dignity back, great work.
Once my eyes opened to my husbands manipulations I was able to more clearly see how often he was manipulative and that his motivations were always selfish, sadly.
In support
megan
Jill said
Oct 10, 2005
hi Mary, when I saw you said you have your dignity back, I thought Mary sees what her HP sees in her. Lovely! -- Jill
abbyal said
Oct 11, 2005
Hello Marmare, u have one of the promises goin on girl.
We will learn to live with dignity and grace as we allow God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. take care of you .
And if your moving on go out like the lady you are. Louise
notsonew1111 said
Oct 11, 2005
congradulations on seeing that he is trying to manipulate you. i have been following your posts and you have really grown. keep it up.
hudsond said
Oct 11, 2005
Good for you! I know it had to be so hard to say all of that to him. You kept your head and spoke the truth! It must hurt, but you can be so proud of yourself! This is encouraging to so many others!
Well, his parents have now laid down the law. He called because his mother told him that was condition to staying there this week. He started by telling me that he hasn't thought about me all week, (I so much wanted to say that is because he was drunk and/or high, but I didn't) I stayed strong and repeated stuff I have been telling myself. Like, I am doing this for me and my emotional health. I am standing up for myself and the way we are living is not acceptable to me any longer. I've decided that no one is going to treat me like I have allowed in this relationship. He said he was done in this relationship, that his mother said he has to be out by Saturday and that I had no right telling them that he was doing cocaine. I simple stated that I am not hiding anything from anyone ever again. If I repeat things I truly believe in with all my heart then maybe just maybe I can not cave in. He tried to make me feel guilty because he put his paycheck in the bank and now that his mother has told him she wants him out Saturday and he doesn't have any money and no place to go. I will not feel bad for him! I refuse to feel guilty because I am taking care of me and the boys. I did tell him when he starts becoming accountable for his own behavior and quits blaming others for all his problems then maybe things in his life will change. I asked him several times if our marriage is over he said at one point, he is 90-95% sure it is, that I kicked him out so I don't want him there. I said no, I want to be married to you but not the way we have been living for years. I stated that I feel that he has taken advantage of the kind of person I am, that because I am a loving and forgiving person that he has at times used that to his advantage and that I can no longer allow him to do that. He said he will no longer put money in the bank, oh well, then certain bills will not get paid, I will make changes this week to cut expenses. I will be fine, if I can pay the car payment, the car insurance, the mortgage, the electric, the phone, and buy food, I will be just fine. Oh yeah, before I hung up, I asked so do you want your 1/2 of things on the covered deck, he said, I don't have anywhere to put it yet and maybe I’ll come around. He said if I loved him I would accept him just the way he is, I said I do but that doesn't mean I have to live with you. As I sit here writing this I see the manipulation in his conversation, his trying to bully me into getting what he wants and needs, like he has done for so long. I have my dignity back!!! I am hurting a severe hurt, but I have dignity.
Hugs Mary
Mary,
You're really taking care of you--good for you! I really hear your strength and your determination in this post to take care of yourself and the boys by setting crystal clear boundaries. I was moved and strengthened by your post. Thank you for sharing!
BlueCloud
Hi mary
((((((((((Mary)))))))))))
I am so glad that you have your dignity back, great work.
Once my eyes opened to my husbands manipulations I was able to more clearly see how often he was manipulative and that his motivations were always selfish, sadly.
In support
megan
Hello Marmare, u have one of the promises goin on girl.
We will learn to live with dignity and grace as we allow God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. take care of you .
And if your moving on go out like the lady you are. Louise
Good for you! I know it had to be so hard to say all of that to him. You kept your head and spoke the truth! It must hurt, but you can be so proud of yourself! This is encouraging to so many others!
Thanks for sharing,
hudsond