HI GUYS I HAD A GREAT NIGHT AT MY COUSIN'S WEDDING WITH OUT MY A ,but i still miss him
chrissy said
Oct 10, 2005
i just came home from my cousins wedding i got dressed up looked great and had a blAST only cried when one of mine & my husband songs came on. i had to leave the room. i danced my ass off and will be paying for it tomorrow i havent felt that good in years.FOR ONE NIGHT I ALMOST DID NOT THINK OF HIM. he still has not called & i doubt he is going to work & this time i am not saving his job. because he is just using the money for boose & drugs :( not helping me or my daughter, not paying the rent not putting food on the table ,not getting help. so why enable him & save him. i have decided i have to let him hit rock bottom. i do miss him & love him ,but now there is a trust issue. how do i know he wasn't with someone else. or what drug he did this time. i mean he disapears for days at a time how can anyone do this to another person let alone some one the love. i hate this! i said to god im leaving it up to you. i really hope he gets the help he needs. dont know if the man i married will ever come back and that is so sad. but i have decided i am no longer going to die inside i'm too young for this crap. if he wants to do his shit, i can't stop him, but i will no longer see him or speak to him until he gets his head on straight. no more running to him. i am focusing on me & my daughter!!!!
-- Edited by chrissy at 01:56, 2005-10-10
leo said
Oct 10, 2005
Chrissy you are getting stronger everyday I can see it in the way you are posting. No one is asking you to stop loving your husband you just can't cut that off from one day to the next and it is easy to say don't worry but that is inbuilt as well. Sometimes you think I don't give a Rat's and then your conscience says but 'what if this is different and he isn't drinking'. My husband worked all weekend and then last night said to me "I am so tired " and you know what I didn't care. I thought that is what you used to say to me when I questioned you about your drinking. I am really proud of you. Luv Leo
sg said
Oct 10, 2005
You are doing great, Chrissy! I'm glad to read that you are getting out and enjoying yourself. You and your daughter deserve the best of life. Taking care of yourself is the best you can do..all else will follow as should be.
Karilynn said
Oct 10, 2005
Chrissy,
I think that says it all. I am so proud of you! You're getting stronger everyday. Now when things start to get to you, just remember that day and how good you felt.
Keep being good to you. By the way, no one needs a special occasion to celebrate. Celebrate you everyday.
Here's to you!
Live strong,
Karilynn
megan said
Oct 10, 2005
Whoo hoo chrissy
WAY to GO! Focusing on yourself and you daughter!
EXCELLENT work and progress in the program.
Yes you and your daughter deserve to be happy.
What wonderful news, thank-you for sharing
Megan
gardengal said
Oct 10, 2005
Of course you still miss him. However, you are taking care of yourself, and doing things you want to do. I am so glad you decided to go to a wedding, and you had fun, that is the main thing. Staying at home and isolating will not solve any of the current problems you are facing. So go for it, do things for yourself, on day at a time!
gardengal
chrissy said
Oct 10, 2005
thanks guys i felt great last night. i am paying for it today lol.
still have not heard anything from him. i did hear from his sister. (the sober one) and she confirmed that he did not come home friday. his boss called he understands, even he had a problem, but he has been clean and sober for 20yrs. his wife said she will not let my husband bring hers down. and i can't blame her. i told her i was so sorry, she said it's not your fault he has a disease and she told me not to abandon him he loves me & misses me.i think he was pissed first that we seperated. second that i was going to the weddding without him and pulled his crap. today i am cleaning not my favorite thing & i have to do laundry very badly. i am going to take one day at a time. i still feel better. last night opened my eyes.i had a blast!!!!!!
thanks again for all your love & support
take care
chrissy said
Oct 10, 2005
hi,
you are so right remembering last night actually is getting me through the day.
how are you doing ?
keep in touch
chrissy
marmare said
Oct 10, 2005
Your posting is so strong. Take care of you!!! And your daughter!!! One thing I have found from living years with my A, in the beginning I was such a strong independent person, I owed no money to anyone, I went to work, I was so happy! Years later I found I doubted my self, my self esteem was so low, and I started to think I was the problem. Last year when I went to jail for throwing something at my A, (I have never even had a speeding ticket) really caused me to open my eyes and see what was really going on in my life. Alcohol and Drugs have made my life unmangable. I can't control his using. I can't control where and what he does. Being understanding does not help me or my kids. I am starting to feel whole again. It is hard, I love him so much, but I am not going to rescue him or save him. I think I have interrupted my HP work enough. Stay strong. Believe in yourself. Do nice things for you. If you have to live moment by moment then do that.
Hugs Mary
canadianguy said
Oct 10, 2005
Hi Chrissy..... so many positives are coming to light, and it's evident in your post.... The fact that you went to the wedding, AND managed to have a good time, is awesome....
Just as a reminder of how much work it is to TRULY focus on you & your daughter, and less on him, however, I would remind you that you referred to your A, in your short post, a minimum of 21 times.... Try using this as a bit of a benchmark, and work yourself towards posting with less and less reference to him, and what he may or may not be doing, and more emphasis on you & your daughter, & how you are doing & feeling...
It will feel awkward at first, but it gets easier as you practice it..
Take care
Tom
notsonew1111 said
Oct 10, 2005
i understand how you feel about not knowing where your a is and wondering if he is with someone else. it kills. but wonderful for you that you got out and had a great time. keep it up. this is your life not his
tara21403 said
Oct 12, 2005
WOW!!!! You go girl.... You're an inspiration for me to keep on going on!!! Thank you for leaving that message.... It helped me in my determination to do the same with my alcoholic husband.
i just came home from my cousins wedding i got dressed up looked great and had a blAST only cried when one of mine & my husband songs came on. i had to leave the room. i danced my ass off and will be paying for it tomorrow i havent felt that good in years.FOR ONE NIGHT I ALMOST DID NOT THINK OF HIM. he still has not called & i doubt he is going to work & this time i am not saving his job. because he is just using the money for boose & drugs :( not helping me or my daughter, not paying the rent not putting food on the table ,not getting help. so why enable him & save him. i have decided i have to let him hit rock bottom. i do miss him & love him ,but now there is a trust issue. how do i know he wasn't with someone else. or what drug he did this time. i mean he disapears for days at a time how can anyone do this to another person let alone some one the love. i hate this! i said to god im leaving it up to you. i really hope he gets the help he needs. dont know if the man i married will ever come back and that is so sad. but i have decided i am no longer going to die inside i'm too young for this crap. if he wants to do his shit, i can't stop him, but i will no longer see him or speak to him until he gets his head on straight. no more running to him. i am focusing on me & my daughter!!!!
-- Edited by chrissy at 01:56, 2005-10-10
Whoo hoo chrissy
WAY to GO! Focusing on yourself and you daughter!
EXCELLENT work and progress in the program.
Yes you and your daughter deserve to be happy.
What wonderful news, thank-you for sharing
Megan
Of course you still miss him. However, you are taking care of yourself, and doing things you want to do. I am so glad you decided to go to a wedding, and you had fun, that is the main thing. Staying at home and isolating will not solve any of the current problems you are facing. So go for it, do things for yourself, on day at a time!
gardengal
thanks guys i felt great last night. i am paying for it today lol.
still have not heard anything from him. i did hear from his sister. (the sober one) and she confirmed that he did not come home friday. his boss called he understands, even he had a problem, but he has been clean and sober for 20yrs. his wife said she will not let my husband bring hers down. and i can't blame her. i told her i was so sorry, she said it's not your fault he has a disease and she told me not to abandon him he loves me & misses me.i think he was pissed first that we seperated. second that i was going to the weddding without him and pulled his crap. today i am cleaning not my favorite thing & i have to do laundry very badly. i am going to take one day at a time. i still feel better. last night opened my eyes.i had a blast!!!!!!
thanks again for all your love & support
take care
hi,
you are so right remembering last night actually is getting me through the day.
how are you doing ?
keep in touch
chrissy
Your posting is so strong. Take care of you!!! And your daughter!!! One thing I have found from living years with my A, in the beginning I was such a strong independent person, I owed no money to anyone, I went to work, I was so happy! Years later I found I doubted my self, my self esteem was so low, and I started to think I was the problem. Last year when I went to jail for throwing something at my A, (I have never even had a speeding ticket) really caused me to open my eyes and see what was really going on in my life. Alcohol and Drugs have made my life unmangable. I can't control his using. I can't control where and what he does. Being understanding does not help me or my kids. I am starting to feel whole again. It is hard, I love him so much, but I am not going to rescue him or save him. I think I have interrupted my HP work enough. Stay strong. Believe in yourself. Do nice things for you. If you have to live moment by moment then do that.
Hugs Mary
Hi Chrissy..... so many positives are coming to light, and it's evident in your post.... The fact that you went to the wedding, AND managed to have a good time, is awesome....
Just as a reminder of how much work it is to TRULY focus on you & your daughter, and less on him, however, I would remind you that you referred to your A, in your short post, a minimum of 21 times.... Try using this as a bit of a benchmark, and work yourself towards posting with less and less reference to him, and what he may or may not be doing, and more emphasis on you & your daughter, & how you are doing & feeling...
It will feel awkward at first, but it gets easier as you practice it..
Take care
Tom