Many of you already know my story but I have been under the wheather for a month now & I wasn't on the computer, in fact I was hardly doing anything but praying.
I see a lot of new names & I am so happy to know more ppl are finding our safe haven for love, support, encouragement & growth.
July 19, 2005 my mother informed me that her 27 year marriage was a sham, that her husband had been leading a double life & carrying on affairs for 15+ years. My "perfect family" was no more. Yes I am an adult (37) but I can't even explain how disillusioned, betrayed & humiliated I felt -- not to mention the pain/anger!
At first she was aksing him to go out to the pool house, where his home office is but then she quickly changed her made, telling him she couldn't bare him being outside. I was disappointed.
By a stroke & grace from HP, she had the strength to kick him out 2 weeks ago. He was stunned. They want to work on their marriage, since they both have so much inested in all of our lives. Now he has to call her on the phone to come inside to walk the dogs or even get any food.
I was so happy & proud of her for changing her mind. Nothing for him was changing, he was "happy as can be" & my poor mother (my only family & I would do anything for her) wasn't able to sleep & in 6 weeks dropped 25-30 pounds. She was utterly miserable & unable to move forward. She talked to me about it, him snoring away in their bed. I told her he isn't suffereing any consequences & there was no reciproaction for her. She deserves her space & privacy. I told her she is an angel & it humbled me greatly for her to be able to forgive him for all of his infidelity so easily but she was angry & kept calling him a whore (behind his back, to me). I told her, she is becoming a whore herself by proxy.
Besides everyone keepos saying how dreadfully ashamed they feel (the A's) -- what about us? No one deserves to be treated like that, to have their love sucked out of them like a vampire & to be treated meanly & cruelly too?
The very fist day, you could tell it affected our A. She was demanding respect for herself & low & behold you could see that he had respect for her too! So no matter what does end up happening, hopefully changes will start coming.
I did confront him last month, I sd "if the shoe was on the other foot, you probably wouldn't forgive her, not many ppl would" & I also sd, "you are lucky she is even willing to talk to you".
For me personally infidelity is a deal breaker, I keep telling my mother she is my hero, the epitome of loving grace & I look up to her for that... she obviously loves more than I.
I pray for them both to have peace & serenity.
rosie light shines said
Oct 8, 2005
hey kitty i am so sorry you are going through this crap with your mom...bless her heart!!!! and you are right, adultery to me is a deal breaker too.....she is a survivor!! she is gonna be ok....so are you!!!!! so sorry for your pain!!!!! hugs, rosie
marmare said
Oct 8, 2005
I just responded to another post about me realizing that over the years I have basically granted permission to my A to treat me in certain ways. I had lost some dignity in our relationship. I wouldn't allow others, my co-workers, my boss, my own family, or a stranger to do or say the things I have allowed my A to do and say! I think the distance between us right now is good. I don't want to go back to where I was a year ago. I am pretty sure my A, who wanted me to change, (the yelling and throwing things, the door slamming) is wishing about now that he never encourged me to chang. Along with my personal growth and change has come empowerment to stand up for my rights as a person. LOL I just keep thinking, nothing changes unless something changes....LOL Have good night, Hugs Mary
kitty said
Oct 9, 2005
Yes, this bomb in my life has been devastatingly painful but in a way it saved me too. I have been suicidal for 20 yrs. I tried to OD on 3/18; I realize nothng will ever be in my time but it is God's hands.
Many of you already know my story but I have been under the wheather for a month now & I wasn't on the computer, in fact I was hardly doing anything but praying.
I see a lot of new names & I am so happy to know more ppl are finding our safe haven for love, support, encouragement & growth.
July 19, 2005 my mother informed me that her 27 year marriage was a sham, that her husband had been leading a double life & carrying on affairs for 15+ years. My "perfect family" was no more. Yes I am an adult (37) but I can't even explain how disillusioned, betrayed & humiliated I felt -- not to mention the pain/anger!
At first she was aksing him to go out to the pool house, where his home office is but then she quickly changed her made, telling him she couldn't bare him being outside. I was disappointed.
By a stroke & grace from HP, she had the strength to kick him out 2 weeks ago. He was stunned. They want to work on their marriage, since they both have so much inested in all of our lives. Now he has to call her on the phone to come inside to walk the dogs or even get any food.
I was so happy & proud of her for changing her mind. Nothing for him was changing, he was "happy as can be" & my poor mother (my only family & I would do anything for her) wasn't able to sleep & in 6 weeks dropped 25-30 pounds. She was utterly miserable & unable to move forward. She talked to me about it, him snoring away in their bed. I told her he isn't suffereing any consequences & there was no reciproaction for her. She deserves her space & privacy. I told her she is an angel & it humbled me greatly for her to be able to forgive him for all of his infidelity so easily but she was angry & kept calling him a whore (behind his back, to me). I told her, she is becoming a whore herself by proxy.
Besides everyone keepos saying how dreadfully ashamed they feel (the A's) -- what about us? No one deserves to be treated like that, to have their love sucked out of them like a vampire & to be treated meanly & cruelly too?
The very fist day, you could tell it affected our A. She was demanding respect for herself & low & behold you could see that he had respect for her too! So no matter what does end up happening, hopefully changes will start coming.
I did confront him last month, I sd "if the shoe was on the other foot, you probably wouldn't forgive her, not many ppl would" & I also sd, "you are lucky she is even willing to talk to you".
For me personally infidelity is a deal breaker, I keep telling my mother she is my hero, the epitome of loving grace & I look up to her for that... she obviously loves more than I.
I pray for them both to have peace & serenity.
Yes, this bomb in my life has been devastatingly painful but in a way it saved me too. I have been suicidal for 20 yrs. I tried to OD on 3/18; I realize nothng will ever be in my time but it is God's hands.
At least things can finally change now!