Hi. I just read your reply to one of my post. I am 13 years old and I was tooken away from my mom when I was 9. I, luckily, had my grandparents to take me in. I know what your granddaughter is feeling. It hurts alot to see someone you know hurt so bad, let alone hurting themself so bad. I think that the worst part for me is knowing that I can do nothing. When I was younger I was always a mommy's girl so it hurt even more. I to think that it helps alot to get your feeling out on paper. I write a letter to them and then I tear it up, it helps me.. kinda like your throwing away all of the pain and starting over. Everyone says that I am very mature for my age, I get straight a's, am a cheerleader, and I leader for my school. I missed out on alot of childhood. Now that I am a teen I am getting all the nagging that I can handle from my grandparents because they dont whant me to do what my mom did. I think that that is so unfair. But I know that they love me and are just trying to keep me from messing up. The one thing that I have learned going through all of this is that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. If you, or your granddaughter needs to talk you can send me a message. Much love.
Meg
kitty said
Oct 8, 2005
Dear Meg,
I understand how you feel. I wish I had found the program at your age & not 18, I was in the program for a year & let it all slip away, cuz I thought I knew it all! Almost 20 years have gone by since then. Ten years ago I married an addict, I left him & came home to my parent's. My step-dad has been an A ever since he has been with our family -- 27 years.
Have you ever been to a Al-Ateen or ACOA or Al-Anon mtg face to face? If you don't have any of the literature - some of the pamphlets are so great, I would be happy to copy some for you & mail them on to you, to help you relieve your feelings of guilt when you have conversations with your mother; and even some different perspective for your grandparents, so that they will understand more about the pain the disease causes for everyone involved.
The 2 pamphlets in particular that have helped give me most understanding here lately are called: A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic and How Can I help My Children <-- both of these will help you & your grandparents.
When I was a kid your age, I too made straight A's & was in honor's classes (but my family pressured me to excel to that extreme) and I was a gymnast on a National Gymnastics Team. So I can understand how it is to be so pressured to be perfect while feeling so emotionally withdrawn & mixed up on the inside.
I am sorry, I haven't written to you sooner (I've been sick & not on the boards for a month) but I remeber reading some of your posts back in August. I am so happy & proud of you that you are still here posting. It is true, writing helps you not only work your feelings out but makes youo feel so relieved afterwards. I burn quite a bit of what I write. Also, I was in Hawai'i before & they have a tradition of burying things, to make wishes come true... it just occurred to me that that would be a neat idea, to write a prayer or blessing down & bury it somewhere. And then give it God, not think about it anymore the same way youo tear up your writings.
I know it is hard to hear, that you are strong & all - I used to hear the same thing... it usually would just make me feel angry or frustrated, confused or depressed. I would wonder why I had to have such a burden placed on me. At your age I began to meditate... I learned a few things back then (so long ago) when I began my quest for understanding spirituality. You hit the nail right on the head... these experiences make you stronger & wiser. But remember you really, truly only have to be strong for yourself. You deserve to have a fun time in high school & have healthy & "normal" childhood experiences. I was very unsocial in 9th grade -- I was so wrapped up in my gymnastics (my mom expected me to become a world-class gymnast) I had been doing it since I was 2 years old. Emotionally I was so confused, I was very withdrawn.
In my sophmore year, I made friends with every "click" in the school. I forced myself to talk to ppl, because I knew that my precious high school experience was fleeting. I joined the drama club & had a blast writing plays & performing for the entire school. Everyone knew me & I dated the quarter back on the football team.
It was simple, I decided to change & I did.
You do seem like you have a lot of understanding to me, you go kiddo! Enjoy your friends & your life. Again, I'm SO HAPPY to see that you have hung in & are still here among friends & you are not alone.
Meg, if you like you can e-mail me directly or IM on yahoo, take care of yourself.
sandy said
Oct 8, 2005
Hi Meg,
Thank you for replying, my granddaughter is away with her other grand parents this weekend, they went to see her great-grand-mother. When she gets back, she'll be here on Tuesday I'll get her to read these and see if she would like to keep in touch with you because she has the same problems. She's a little shy so I don't know if she'll do it if not I'll keep in touch with you to let each of you know what each is feeling and what is happening from time to time.
Hi. I just read your reply to one of my post. I am 13 years old and I was tooken away from my mom when I was 9. I, luckily, had my grandparents to take me in. I know what your granddaughter is feeling. It hurts alot to see someone you know hurt so bad, let alone hurting themself so bad. I think that the worst part for me is knowing that I can do nothing. When I was younger I was always a mommy's girl so it hurt even more. I to think that it helps alot to get your feeling out on paper. I write a letter to them and then I tear it up, it helps me.. kinda like your throwing away all of the pain and starting over. Everyone says that I am very mature for my age, I get straight a's, am a cheerleader, and I leader for my school. I missed out on alot of childhood. Now that I am a teen I am getting all the nagging that I can handle from my grandparents because they dont whant me to do what my mom did. I think that that is so unfair. But I know that they love me and are just trying to keep me from messing up. The one thing that I have learned going through all of this is that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. If you, or your granddaughter needs to talk you can send me a message. Much love.
Meg
Dear Meg,
I understand how you feel. I wish I had found the program at your age & not 18, I was in the program for a year & let it all slip away, cuz I thought I knew it all! Almost 20 years have gone by since then. Ten years ago I married an addict, I left him & came home to my parent's. My step-dad has been an A ever since he has been with our family -- 27 years.
Have you ever been to a Al-Ateen or ACOA or Al-Anon mtg face to face? If you don't have any of the literature - some of the pamphlets are so great, I would be happy to copy some for you & mail them on to you, to help you relieve your feelings of guilt when you have conversations with your mother; and even some different perspective for your grandparents, so that they will understand more about the pain the disease causes for everyone involved.
The 2 pamphlets in particular that have helped give me most understanding here lately are called: A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic and How Can I help My Children <-- both of these will help you & your grandparents.
When I was a kid your age, I too made straight A's & was in honor's classes (but my family pressured me to excel to that extreme) and I was a gymnast on a National Gymnastics Team. So I can understand how it is to be so pressured to be perfect while feeling so emotionally withdrawn & mixed up on the inside.
I am sorry, I haven't written to you sooner (I've been sick & not on the boards for a month) but I remeber reading some of your posts back in August. I am so happy & proud of you that you are still here posting. It is true, writing helps you not only work your feelings out but makes youo feel so relieved afterwards. I burn quite a bit of what I write. Also, I was in Hawai'i before & they have a tradition of burying things, to make wishes come true... it just occurred to me that that would be a neat idea, to write a prayer or blessing down & bury it somewhere. And then give it God, not think about it anymore the same way youo tear up your writings.
I know it is hard to hear, that you are strong & all - I used to hear the same thing... it usually would just make me feel angry or frustrated, confused or depressed. I would wonder why I had to have such a burden placed on me. At your age I began to meditate... I learned a few things back then (so long ago) when I began my quest for understanding spirituality. You hit the nail right on the head... these experiences make you stronger & wiser. But remember you really, truly only have to be strong for yourself. You deserve to have a fun time in high school & have healthy & "normal" childhood experiences. I was very unsocial in 9th grade -- I was so wrapped up in my gymnastics (my mom expected me to become a world-class gymnast) I had been doing it since I was 2 years old. Emotionally I was so confused, I was very withdrawn.
In my sophmore year, I made friends with every "click" in the school. I forced myself to talk to ppl, because I knew that my precious high school experience was fleeting. I joined the drama club & had a blast writing plays & performing for the entire school. Everyone knew me & I dated the quarter back on the football team.
It was simple, I decided to change & I did.
You do seem like you have a lot of understanding to me, you go kiddo! Enjoy your friends & your life. Again, I'm SO HAPPY to see that you have hung in & are still here among friends & you are not alone.
Meg, if you like you can e-mail me directly or IM on yahoo, take care of yourself.
Hi Meg,
Thank you for replying, my granddaughter is away with her other grand parents this weekend, they went to see her great-grand-mother. When she gets back, she'll be here on Tuesday I'll get her to read these and see if she would like to keep in touch with you because she has the same problems. She's a little shy so I don't know if she'll do it if not I'll keep in touch with you to let each of you know what each is feeling and what is happening from time to time.
Take care
Sandy