ive tried to work these steps but need more insight on these 2 im having so many problems with dealing with me ,ppl at my ftf meetings dont want to sponser dunno y but they dont,i guess or i feel like im at yalls mercy at this they seem to shy away from the steps 4 and 5 anyway,i can look at others problems and short comings but dont or dont know how to deal with my own self ive never had to deal with me,im scared to to deal with me by taking a self moral inventory of myself.

I can say when it comes to working the steps, that you don't want to rush them & you do want to work them in order.  But it isn't unheard of to take a year or 6 months on step 4.

When I went through it the very first time, I worked through them all so fast, I worked the 12 steps 3 times my first year & then just fell back on any step at any given time.

What I did realise recently is that our moral inventory doesn't have to be all negatives, it can be positive things too.  I can see that now!  Twenty years ago, all I could see about myself was negative traits & I could rip myself to shreds faster than anyone else -- I figured better for me to attack myself than give you the opportunity to critisize me!  <-- crazy I know. 

Now I am going on forty (in 2 yrs) & I'm still just learning how to love myself...  trying to be gentle with me. 

Love yourself, hang in there.  I get overwhelmed by thinking of too much at any one time...  just deal with one issue at a time.  It took us a lifetime to become the way we are, we deserve the time to work through it to, it's not a race & no one is keeping score. 

 

I found the book, "Co-dependent No More" to help me with the steps.  Some of the book was quite emotional for me.  It is a small book but it took me months to get through it.  Take your time, no need to rush.  Hang in there.

Hugs Mary

for me steps 4 and 5 scared the bejesus out of me..

i had step 4 in a green notebook under my bed, for more than a year, but truly taking it out and going to my sponser..the very thought gave me a panic attack..i would literally get sick to my stomach.

one day i came in the room, and my good friend,,and hero,,, garden gal was conducting a step 4 game, where each person who wished to named 4 negatives and positives about themself..

i was astonished at what i saw people owning up to..(all my crimes)

for the first time i realized, that we share more than just being affected by the a,,we share our behaviors, and to see others admit to MY "crimes" helped me so much to see that in my guilt and shame i was not unique...and i was then able to do my step 5 and move on down the dusty trail of life....feeling much better..a thing this room has done for me.  

i hope you find a sponser,, i dont know what id of done without mine, best of luck

 

Hi Pattyann,

I hope that you find a sponsor!! 

A great book for the 4th step is " Alanon's Blue print for Progress"  it is a work book which is very good.  You can get it at your alanon central office or you should be able to get it through your group.  Your group LIT person should know where it is or go get it for you.

I wish you the best of luck.

Love in recovery
JJ

Hi, Pattyann,

Welcome to the club!  It took me over 2 years to work step 4 - have only just finished it!  Agree with jj, about Blueprint for Progress, it is CAL, and is a great help with step 4.

I hope you are able to find a sponsor - dont know what it is about me, but everything seems to take me 2 years - that was how long I took to pluck up the courage to ask someone!

Actually, my sponsor is not from my home group, I had to look further afield, maybe worth your while to investigate other meetings?

Dont give up on step 4, it will bring a new dimension to your recovery - and your life.

Wishing you the best of luck,

Love,

Flora

xxxx