In previous post I talked about leaving my husband and being gone for 6weeks. I have since returned.  While cleaning the house I came across a receipt for oxycodone written to a lady I believe works with my husband in our bedroom.  There was also a message on our answering machine that my husband had not erased with a woman saying to please call her and let her know that he wasn't in jail or dead.  I believe this to be the same lady.  I have let this eat at me since I have been home and feel that I can't talk to my husband about it because I feel that I am not going to get the truth.  I don't know if he is having an affair or if this is someone that gets him drugs.  There are no other obvious signs of an affair but my husband goes out of town all the time with his job.  I am letting this take away from my serenity.  I have thought about calling this lady because she left her number in the message and ask her who she is but I don't know if that is the right thing to do. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Julie

We have a tendency to blow things right up...  So huge in fact that I suspended my marraige over such "assumptions."

Take some time to yourself with your HP and ask his guidance.  Make 5 options to what you could do, and do the one that harms the least people, and makes the best sense.  Remember, you love your husband, and care for him very much.  You are concerned about his welfare etc, it is to unreasonable to think that this other woman cares about the welfare of her work companion as well???  The affected people usually affect at least 10 people around them... I am sure she is one of them...

Peace be with you,

Aron in the Mountains
(captcodee)

Follow your gut.....listen to what your innerself is telling you.  If you feel something is wrong...one way or the other it probably is.  I thought my ex was having an affair.  I caught him with the lady at his mothers house when my daughter was 2.  Needless to say i didn't leave at that time but since have.  I have let my insticts guide me since.  Having said that....I have become fairly cautious which can have negative effects also.  Still working on finding the balance.

 

bd

hi, for one thing I sure would not sleep with him until you know. Too many horrible life threatening diseases out there. Whether he cheats or if it is a dope dealer both are not acceptable to me. I sure do not want any woman calling my husband, or my husband having a relationship with any other woman. He is the same about me. Maybe lay the scrip on the table, and play the message for him. don't say or ask anything put it in his lap where it belongs. For me I would say, "if you choose to be with someone else it is your choice, but you will never have my love or respect again." To me lieing is not the issue. A's lie. I never back anyone, kids, nor adults into a corner. I learned a long time ago it is moot. It is not up to me to judge. All I know is number one there is a scrip to someone else in my bedroom and some woman who should not be that caring about my husband. I would tell him I don't feel comfortable with it at all and I would not put up with it. This just me. As far as playing detective, I would not waste my time. I would not want to be any part of the drama. I refuse to be drawn into that life. I would look at what i want and go for it. I mean cont. on with taking care of me. LIving with an A takes a lot of skills. But the one that to me, helps so very much, is, I am ' not his keeper. I am not his financial support system nor do i owe him vehicle. I have my life and he has his and hopefully we can find some common time and ground to enjoy each other. much love,debilyn

trust your gut

Hi,

I wouldn't call the woman. To be honest this is not about her. He is your husband, and the issue is between you and him. If I believed my husband has had an affair, I would confront him about it. While cheating like drinking is not something I can controll, it is certainly not something I will put up with. The Marriage vows go both ways, and if he sleeps with another and then me again, not only has he violated our Marriage Vows, but he has put my health in danger by exposing me to anything the other woman has been exposed to.

                                                Love Jeannie

For what it's worth.....  you have about as much influence and control over whether he is having an affair or not, as you do of whether he drinks or not....  affairs can happen quite often, when alcoholics find someone else who will "let them drink", and commisserate with them....

It's still about you, and your recovery.... he is either gonna drink, act out, have an affair, etc., or he won't..... what are YOU gonna do?

 

Take care

Tom

Trust is so important in a marriage and lets face it you cant trust alcoholics. I am not the person to ask but if it were me I would call her and ask. You wont get the truth from him he is going to lie to protect himself. I wouldnt play detective you really already found what could be a sign from above. I can only tell you what I would do .. Right or wrong. I just dont think that your husband will tell you what is going on .. She probably wont either so really you may be wasting your time .. Take time for yourself and ask your HP for guidance. Tammy

i agree with "bd"...follow your guts....that **gut* is your inner God talking to you .....that voice within..that **funny feeling*   is something from the divine communicating with you......i would check it out....be careful about sex  ( sex diseases)  and  follow  HP's guidence....ASK for wisdom, and "ye will receive"......  peace and prayers...rosie

Go with your gut feeling. Usually when I go with my gut it is usually right. IF I want to believe it or not. I have to take the best postion that is the best for me.

DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF TODAY. READ A BOOK, RUN, TAKE A BATH.

I get caught up in stuff like this and it drives me crazy.  The result for me is that practically every waking hour is spent wondering/worrying about them  What they are doing.  Not a good place to be and does nothing for taking care of ME. 

Someone once told me that when we are faced with these situations the best thing we can do is to go back and work the steps......we are powerless......  Kind of ties in with what Tom (Canadianguy) had to say.

Hugs, Mike