I first came to the 12 step programs 20 yrs ago, when my childhood, best friend decided to become clean.  I supported her & went to AA & NA mtgs with her, sometimes we hit 3 meetings in a day.  She substituted the program for the drugs & went after serenity with a vengence...  I discovered ACOA & Al-Anon for myself.

I will never forget what one woman sd in a NA mtg.  She sd, "getting clean is uncomfortable.  Right now I am happy, I have made all this stinky dirty feces (she used the S*** word) and it is my creation, it's warm, soft & comfy. I am happy in all of this crap! 

But then after some time, I notice some of my friends leaving 'cause I smell, & it's getting cold, old & crusty.  I finally got tired of being sick & tired.  So I got up, cleaned myself up & yes my body is naked & after my shower my skin gets cold...  but hey, I can move, I don't smell & I'm not stuck in a bunch of crap anymore!"

I thought that was funny & true & I'll never forget that woman or what she sd...  I don't want to be stuck like that, I want to be free, joyous & peaceful. 

Sometimes I think about all of the A's that I have loved & pray that I could be one ounce like them -- that I could just put myself first, think of me first, love myself first.  It has been a really hard 2 months but it's getting a little bit easier & the guilt is lessening.  Knowing that the A's aren't thinking about me has helped to give me some strength to balance my perspective.

Thank you all for your support, my new cyber family, I am grateful you are out there.  This medium has been invaluable to me, I couldn't even begin to express my gratitude.  

How accurate...

I think I will have to share that one with my H while he is still sober for now...

Thanks for sharing

 

"I will never forget what one woman sd in a NA mtg.  She sd, "getting clean is uncomfortable.  Right now I am happy, I have made all this stinky dirty feces (she used the S*** word) and it is my creation, it's warm, soft & comfy. I am happy in all of this crap! 

But then after some time, I notice some of my friends leaving 'cause I smell, & it's getting cold, old & crusty.  I finally got tired of being sick & tired.  So I got up, cleaned myself up & yes my body is naked & after my shower my skin gets cold...  but hey, I can move, I don't smell & I'm not stuck in a bunch of crap anymore!""

 

Kitty, that is one of the most prophetic things I have ever heard! 

My husband always assures me that one day he will get the program, cause the 12 steps "are like looking up an old lady's skirt; you can never get the image out of your mind"

my own favorite phrase is alanon is like setting an old healed broken arm.  You have lived with it for so long that it is okay.  You know it is broken, and even tho it healed all wrong and you can't even hug your kids, you know it is gonna hurt like hell to fix it.  One day, you just want it to be okay, and it is worth it to go through the pain to fix it.

I can't wait to tell my husband your quote from your friend.  It is GREAT!

Happy Cdn Thanksgiving.

Aron in the mountains
(Captcodee)

Hi Kitty, Thanks so much for your post. I love these "visuals" - they keep me on track in a lot of ways. Maybe I'm just a visual person. I also liked what you said about remembering not to think too much about the A's because you know they aren't thinking about you. How true. I get into the trap of worrying too much about one person, and I have to remind myself it is only as bad as I think because I keep thinking about it in the first place. I'm sure it isn't such a big deal to anyone else but me. What's that they always say...Stay out of your head - it's a dangerous place to go alone. :) Thanks for posting, Kristen

God, help me to change.