I remember coming into the program not knowing what it was all about, other than it was for family and friends of alcoholics.  I had no idea how it would help me, but had been told a few years prior by a co-worker how wonderful the program was and that it had helped her.  She didn't go into details, all I knew was she was then a happy person with wonderful things happening in her life.  So I finally ended up here....and of course the first thing I did was blurt out why I was here, all my anger, pain, hurt, frustration, etc.  I was told how we work the steps and focus on ourself.  I continued coming back, most days sharing what "He" had done that day and how "He" was making me feel and how I wished "He" would do something about "his" problem, etc. etc. 

Someone said to me, "you have a bad case of the he he he's"

Huh? The he he he's?  Then it dawned on me what they were saying.  All I had been doing was talking about him.  He this, he that, he he he's.  

What I should have been doing is talk about me.  I this, I that, I feel, etc.  This program IS about me, not him.  It's about what am I going to do for me.  How am I going to fix my own problems or at least my part of the problem.  Am I going to react, or am I going to act.  Does he really "make" me feel (insert any mood here) or am I allowing myself to feel that way?  Just who controls how I feel?  I am capable of deciding whether I am going to smile or frown.  I do have that choice.  I own it.  It's mine.  I can give myself a little pep talk when I start feeling down.  I can remind myself of things that are good in my life.  I can lift myself out of my gloom by focusing on these good things, by knowing that yes it might be raining but eventually the rain stops and the sun does come back out.  And we need that rain to help things grow, so I should not look upon it as a terrible thing that I cannot endure.  I have friends here who understand, who stand beside me and encourage me.  Who do not judge me when I fall back into that he he he pattern, but gently help me to re-focus on myself. 

I love how the Al-Anon program continues to enrich my life.  I love how it doesn't expect perfection from me, but understands that progress is often made through many trials and errors.  I love knowing that it's okay for me to make mistakes, that I can admit to being wrong now, and that I can make amends and strive to learn from those mistakes and not repeat them.  I, I, I.....I love that I can now make I statements.  *wink* 

Thank you all for being here!

Great post kismet :) The program to me is about the We We We's :) We listen to each other (unless I am typing faster than anyone can talk LOL ), We support each other and We care about each other. cdb :) Glad to be apart of the We group :)

Kis... Boy, HP is working thru you today girlfriend!!!! I just finished cleaning my kitchen and sat down to read the posts. As I read yours..he he he is very drunk and playing chef in the kitchen, dropping a big spoon with spaghetti sauce on it on a freshly mopped floor, boiling sauce is splashing all over the oven. I'm not sure if it is his lunch or dinner, it's 2:00 in the afternoon. I guess he he he drank lunch. OK..so I can sit here and ignore what is going on..knowing I will be the one cleaning it up because he he he will do the normal routine and go pass out. I'm grateful for that!!! I can choose not to bitch, I can choose to not let it all make me really mad. I can realize that he he he is sick, and I can choose to clean it up or not. If I choose not to, it will stay there for days..lol Soooooooo...thanks kis for reminding me that I have choices. I don't have to follow my instinctual reactions. I can make my own reactions. My reaction for now is to stay quiet...until I can choose the better course. :) My instincts are still trying to take over. Christy

How very interesting that you should post that now...  <:0) 

I have just been having this conversation with myself, I see where people write "yours in recovery".. What?  I'm not the one with the problem! LOL  Sure!!!

When my dad was drinking my mom told me she felt the same way and only realized too late that is was THEIR problem not his (They ended up divorced after 22 - his rock bottom).  When I find myself feeling the same way my ever so wise mother reminds me to not make the same mistake.  I need to make myself emotionally healthy enough to help him without enabling him or shutting him out... (see I'm already getting better <:0))

In hopes that I'm not offending anyone, I'm still not sure about being in "recovery" myself.  I'm sure it's just arrogance on my part or as my H would say " a little holier than thou attitude".  But just being here on the boards is a big step for me.

 

Anyway I appreciate the post... it made me smile.

great share kis...thanks for posting it! Gave me a smile :)

I am grateful you shared this today, Kis...  as I am struggling to focus on me.  Your strength helps me a lot, thank you so much.

-k

kis kis kis.... kiss. (c: good to see ya here. I loved your post. it said perfectly how we are here to focus on us not trying to change anyone else, figure anyone else out, or control anyone else. It feels so good once we learn to say I. I don't even feel guilty buying myself new underwear anymore!!! ok more important... and you know what i am asking!!!!!! love you sweetie, debilyn

((((((Kis)))))))

Loved it!!!

Thanks  for sharing!!  "we need that rain to help things grow" oh, I like that!!!

David

Sometimes alanon can become quite confusing in wondering what it is trying to teach us, YOU , however, hit the nail on the head! Keep the focus on ourselves, and try and detach and not get enmeshed in anothers crap! Thanks for for sharing.

gardengal

really enjoyed your post . he he is my main topic of conversation , but i am starting to find other stuff to talk about and do . i reconised myself in it sooooo much thanks again Mars