Hey all, have been watching the boards for a couple of weeks now without posting, appreciate the sharing that let's me know I am not alone.
My dad was an alchoholic and managed to get sober when I was about 20. Took a long time to build any sort of relationship and when we did finally start to get along he had surgery and became permanantly unaware of his surroundings... I don't think he always knows who I am.
Today I find myself married to an alchoholic... How did that happen??? Have 2 children (his by birth, mine by love) and what appears on the outside as a wonderful marriage. The last binge was 2 weeks ago today. Been sober since, we get up every morning 30 minutes early to read the Bible and pray togeather. Things are looking good, of course when you've been down this road so many times you start to look for the proverbial other shoe...
Sorry to ramble, just a little note about me and an opportunity to let you all know how I appreciate you and this board, it continues to help in my day to day walk...
captcodee said
Oct 7, 2005
Thank you so much for your post. Isn't it unreal just how many people are affected about alcoholism? Isn't it wonderful that we live in a society where it is finally okay to talk about it, and that there is a support group that makes it OKAY to love an alcoholic...
Welcome to the world wide group that teaches us so many wonderful ways to get real, and closer to God! (or God as we understand him) A place where I realized I could feel... anything! Where it was okay to hate the alcoholic, but also okay to love the alcoholic. I could choose whatever I wanted, and somebody could help me cause they already did it...been through the motions, felt the feelings, and even changed their minds halfway through!!!!
Life finally feels... okay.
Nice to meet you "notsonew".
Aron in the Mountains (captcodee)
leo said
Oct 7, 2005
My story is very similar my Dad was a drinker and died when I was 21. I have been married for 20 years to guess what another drinker. There is a saying about unconsciously marrying your father. Alcohol was never a problem early in our marriage but for the last 10 years it has dominated our lives. At the moment my husband has given up alcohol for about a month and he is undergoing counselling which was his choice(honestly did not think I would ever live to see the day that happened). Take one day at a time, look after you and your higher power will do the rest. Keep posting as the support here is incredible.
Luv Leo
notsonew said
Oct 7, 2005
Thanks for the support...
My H is a binge drinker (3 pints of Vodka in a weekend every other weekend or so). This weekend marks the longest time he has been able to hold off and I'm feeling a tad nervous, big family plans and I'm hoping - no praying, it all goes well. I know he wants to stop, but the disease had him along time before I or the kids did and it won't let go easy...
Oh well, I guess I can just be prepared and let what's going to happen happen.
Thanks again for letting me spill...
cdb said
Oct 7, 2005
Hello notsonew,
I admire you for your honesty in sharing your life with me. It is sometimes difficult to say things in the chatroom and that is what I really like about this message board. (((((((((notsonew)))))) You have come to the right place. I have found it helps to not have expectations of the alcoholic to remain sober or not. They have their program and their journey as well as their HP. Expectations can breed resentment if we let it and give us lots of let downs. My recoverying alcoholic/drug addicted daughter struggles so much. I have so much compassion for her and the disease she has. She had to want to save herself and she has to work her program and reach out to the AA or NA people. I work mine and reach out to the alanon people for me. Life is so much better now because of this and by not having expectations of her sobriety, it has freed me from so many unnecessary resentments. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
bd said
Oct 7, 2005
leo
I just wait for the call to hear about my dad.
bd
kitty said
Oct 7, 2005
Thanks for sharing. It is just amazing how when we grow up as ACOA's we go out & seek the very same thing we are so accustomed to, the very thing that is keeping us from focusing on our own lives. I think it is difficult too, as women especially we are told to sacrifice ourselves (subliminally, socially) for our families. Sadly mother's come last. It does anger me, the matriarch out to come first!
It is really hard not to be anxious & fearfully "waiting for the other shoe to drop" but that anxiety & expectation feeds the A & gives them an excuse. Try to focus on yourself. It's hard, I actually felt guilty at first, a few weeks ago but with practise it IS getting easier. I deserve consideration just like that I give to the A's in my life. I was always pretty good at saying "no", well at least half of the time but I would be riddled with guilt. That is changing too, the more literature I read, the better I am able to cope with this disease.
Just knowing my anxiety, anger & guilt are compounding the disease & keeping my step-father sick longer was great motivation for me to deal with my feelings & work them out quickly. I don't want to feed his problem nor do I want any blame for it.
The last 2 weeks I have been praying much more than usual... and instead of asking god to relieve me of my feelings, I started to give them freely to God & even demand that he take the negativity from me. I have to want healing with a passion, not passivley wishing for it. God has relieved me of so much recently, I think HP just wants us to remember to surrender to him/she/it.
Hey all, have been watching the boards for a couple of weeks now without posting, appreciate the sharing that let's me know I am not alone.
My dad was an alchoholic and managed to get sober when I was about 20. Took a long time to build any sort of relationship and when we did finally start to get along he had surgery and became permanantly unaware of his surroundings... I don't think he always knows who I am.
Today I find myself married to an alchoholic... How did that happen??? Have 2 children (his by birth, mine by love) and what appears on the outside as a wonderful marriage. The last binge was 2 weeks ago today. Been sober since, we get up every morning 30 minutes early to read the Bible and pray togeather. Things are looking good, of course when you've been down this road so many times you start to look for the proverbial other shoe...
Sorry to ramble, just a little note about me and an opportunity to let you all know how I appreciate you and this board, it continues to help in my day to day walk...
Thank you so much for your post. Isn't it unreal just how many people are affected about alcoholism? Isn't it wonderful that we live in a society where it is finally okay to talk about it, and that there is a support group that makes it OKAY to love an alcoholic...
Welcome to the world wide group that teaches us so many wonderful ways to get real, and closer to God! (or God as we understand him) A place where I realized I could feel... anything! Where it was okay to hate the alcoholic, but also okay to love the alcoholic. I could choose whatever I wanted, and somebody could help me cause they already did it...been through the motions, felt the feelings, and even changed their minds halfway through!!!!
Life finally feels... okay.
Nice to meet you "notsonew".
Aron in the Mountains
(captcodee)
My story is very similar my Dad was a drinker and died when I was 21. I have been married for 20 years to guess what another drinker. There is a saying about unconsciously marrying your father. Alcohol was never a problem early in our marriage but for the last 10 years it has dominated our lives. At the moment my husband has given up alcohol for about a month and he is undergoing counselling which was his choice(honestly did not think I would ever live to see the day that happened). Take one day at a time, look after you and your higher power will do the rest. Keep posting as the support here is incredible.
Luv Leo
Thanks for the support...
My H is a binge drinker (3 pints of Vodka in a weekend every other weekend or so). This weekend marks the longest time he has been able to hold off and I'm feeling a tad nervous, big family plans and I'm hoping - no praying, it all goes well. I know he wants to stop, but the disease had him along time before I or the kids did and it won't let go easy...
Oh well, I guess I can just be prepared and let what's going to happen happen.
Thanks again for letting me spill...
Hello notsonew,
I admire you for your honesty in sharing your life with me. It is sometimes difficult to say things in the chatroom and that is what I really like about this message board. (((((((((notsonew)))))) You have come to the right place. I have found it helps to not have expectations of the alcoholic to remain sober or not. They have their program and their journey as well as their HP. Expectations can breed resentment if we let it and give us lots of let downs. My recoverying alcoholic/drug addicted daughter struggles so much. I have so much compassion for her and the disease she has. She had to want to save herself and she has to work her program and reach out to the AA or NA people. I work mine and reach out to the alanon people for me. Life is so much better now because of this and by not having expectations of her sobriety, it has freed me from so many unnecessary resentments. your friend in recovery, cdb :)
leo
I just wait for the call to hear about my dad.
bd
Thanks for sharing. It is just amazing how when we grow up as ACOA's we go out & seek the very same thing we are so accustomed to, the very thing that is keeping us from focusing on our own lives. I think it is difficult too, as women especially we are told to sacrifice ourselves (subliminally, socially) for our families. Sadly mother's come last. It does anger me, the matriarch out to come first!
It is really hard not to be anxious & fearfully "waiting for the other shoe to drop" but that anxiety & expectation feeds the A & gives them an excuse. Try to focus on yourself. It's hard, I actually felt guilty at first, a few weeks ago but with practise it IS getting easier. I deserve consideration just like that I give to the A's in my life. I was always pretty good at saying "no", well at least half of the time but I would be riddled with guilt. That is changing too, the more literature I read, the better I am able to cope with this disease.
Just knowing my anxiety, anger & guilt are compounding the disease & keeping my step-father sick longer was great motivation for me to deal with my feelings & work them out quickly. I don't want to feed his problem nor do I want any blame for it.
The last 2 weeks I have been praying much more than usual... and instead of asking god to relieve me of my feelings, I started to give them freely to God & even demand that he take the negativity from me. I have to want healing with a passion, not passivley wishing for it. God has relieved me of so much recently, I think HP just wants us to remember to surrender to him/she/it.