I was relieved to find this group.  I have been suffering in silence for as long as I can remember.  The main A in my life was my dad.  I was with someone for 13 years but left the marriage for same reasons.  I wish I could have a relationship with my dad but it is painful as he is activly still drinking....old wounds will not heal.  Just looking for someone to talk to who understands how it feels to be an adult child of an A.

BD

hi bd, Welcome.. Glad you found us. There is also a chatroom you may enjoy. Meeting times are 9am and 9pm Eastern time through the week, with open chat in between. Come on in :) Christy

BD

Hello,

Sorry to hear things are not going so well for you.  I am a "newbie" here to but I can relate to what you are talking about.  I have been split up from my husband for 1 month today to be exact (but who's counting!!).  Not easy by any means, lonely at times, but still better than the insanity when he was here.

 I am also an ACOA.  My Dad was an alcoholic.  This does have an effect on relationships as adults, not to mention issues that other people may not have but children of alcoholics do.

But I have to say that I have found many people in this site who have opened my eyes to things and allowed me to feel that I am never alone no matter what time of the day or night it might be.  Everyone, myself included, are going through or have gone through the same experience.  The stories may sound different but we are all fighting the same war. Go to the meetings online here at 9:00, I try to go most nights and I have learned so much and feel much comfort when they are over.

Hang in there BD, it's worth it.

hadit

Thank You

 

I would love to go to the chat rooms but my computer doesn't have Java.  I have to figure out how to set it up.  Thanks for your kind word and wisdom

 

bd

Hi BD - thanks for the reply to my post!!! I am glad to meet you here, as I am to be here myself. If you are not currently in face to face ALANON meetings, I urge you to go!! Suffer in silence no more my friend - you will soon find out that you have many allies who truly do understand what you are going through. You will also find the tools you need to recover --. I am married to an active drinker, and grew up with alcoholics, but more importantly the effects of alcoholism. I thought I was going crazy until a friend urged me ( for a long time too!) to get to a meeting - its been an awesome journey of recovery ever since. Some days are tough, which prompted me to find this site -- here it seems as though everyone is so encouraging and understanding. I thank my HP (higher power) immensely for alanon. Silence and insolation not healthy - keep coming back!! Angie email me ANYTIME!!!

I am also in a marriage were there is active alcholic. He hasn't drank in a couple or days maybe a week but it is still hard for me. I wonder each day is it going to be a good day or is it going to be a bad day. My father is also an active alcholic and I really don't have a really good releanship with him. It is hard to understand what they are going through. I am close to my mom because when I was younger my father would say he was coming home and then he would stop at the bar and I would be waiting for him very upset.

e-mail me anytime. NYCbt@yahoo.com

Welcome!  I'm new too.

Welcome!!!

About the Java.  Go to Google...www.google.com and type in java and then download a java program it is easy!!!

I hope that you can get into the chat room.

Many of us here are ACOA adult children of alcoholics.  I my self am one of them but came to alanon to get help with my relationship with my husband.  I come to alanon to help myself and in that have dealt with more to due with my dad and my childhood.  My dad is active and so is my husband.  I have since made ammens with my dad as he has with me and we have a much better relationship.  He has helpped me in my relationship with my husband as well.  Although my dad seem to think that my husband is worse than he was, my husband has never beat me up where my dad did.... perspective of the A...

Alanon works if you work it.  It is about us getting us healthy and putting the focus on ourselves.  It is not easy and it takes time but the rewards in the end are priceless....  When we begin to  heal ourselves we are also helpping to heal others..

in the early days of alanon remebering the 3C's was alot of help!!!

We didn't cause it
We can't cure it
We can't controll it

Gald you found us.  Keep comming back!!!

Love in recovery
JJ

Hi and welcome.  We are all here for you.  This is a great place and there is so much support.  Keep posting.

 

Luv Leo   

Hi bd, Welcome to the group. I am an adult child of an alcoholic, too. When I came here I didn't have very good relationships with either of my parents, but using the tools I have learned here that has started to change for me. My parents and I can ave reasonably good conversations now. My dad and I can hug and say we love each other, too, which we never did for 30 years. Can't put my finger on exactly has made that happen, but I think it has a lot to do with my attitude toward them, which has shifted quite a bit in time. I'm glad to meet you and hope to talk to you soon. Kristen

Thanks Leo

 

I'm hoping to find here what I have never have found before.  People who know the pain and shame i am feeling.  People with similar experiences to help me heal and not feel so alone.

bd

I totally understand the whole "child of an alocholoic" as I am sure many others here do as well.  My dad cleaned up through AA for 13 years before having brain surgery that left him incapicitated (sp?).   But I never did tell him that I loved him and meant it from the bottom of my heart.  Now it's too late as I don't feel he understands exactly what's going on around him.

I've carried that baggage around for a long time and just started searching out alanon...  Too much pride before, I guess.  I can do it on my own and all that.  But after watching the boards and hearing others tell their stories I can honestly say you are in the right place to start and heal old wounds.

You are not alone...