I thought I would post to get some input into my situation with my recovering A. He moved out in June - took a job in another state. Said he didn't want to see me or talk to me for a year. Our last son left for college. We have had some contact for things that involve our boys. At times he says he doesn't want a divorce and then he will say it can only end in divorce. He seems to justify his selfish behavior by saying that he is an addict (no substances though) and he is never going to change. He golfs and says that I kept him from what he enjoys. Now, he says that he is going to buy land and start building his house. Although he has pretty much amputated our relationship (all the good along with the bad) he still hangs out with my mother (83 years old) and does his wash there. I know that I get the treatment that I tolerate but I have trouble saying that I will go ahead and get the divorce when it has never been what I wanted. If you are legally married can one partner make a major purchase without the others consent? I feel like I am being railroaded and have no say in my situation.
What am I missing?
Thanks, Nancy
debilyn said
Oct 6, 2005
It depends on the state you are in. Here in Oregon if he signs for something and
your name is not on it, it is HIS responsibility.
I went ahead and got a legal separation anyway just in case.
Wonder what keeps him from getting a divorce?
Anyway i would look up the laws in your state. i am sure you can find them
online. lets see, maybe call legal aid or any attorney to ask how to look up
the laws. i know you can go to the library and look them up. Or find a law
librarey there.
Maybe search "marriage law."
I am sad you are going thru this. Can you do things for you?? Do you have enough
income to travel or maybe just get involved in groups that go places together?
I just get a real feeling of lonliness from you. I may be wrong.
hugs,debilyn
KathyS said
Oct 6, 2005
nmike wrote: I know that I get the treatment that I tolerate but I have trouble saying that I will go ahead and get the divorce when it has never been what I wanted.
**********Nancy, have you flat out told your husband that you do not want a divorce? It may be crystal clear to you that you don't, but who knows what he sees from his point of view? I know me personally.....I have always been rather insecure. Because of that I like to hear things clear cut, instead of trying to read the actions of another. Perhaps you guys just need to have a real heart to heart talk, wherein you spell it out to him that a divorce is not what you want, then see what he says from there. Good luck.
Jill said
Oct 6, 2005
Hi Nancy, did you say he washes at YOUR mother's? Can you ask her not to permit this? She's yours. That has to add to the confusion.
After I was divorced, I had a dream my parents invited my ex's parents to dinner when I was there. It was completely uncomfortable. I told my mother about it, and she said she would never have done that, but if she had I should just ask her not to invite the ex or his kin.
Even though this happned after my divorce, her response to my dream and her solution how to handle a potentially awkward situation have always comforted me.
Hi everyone,
I thought I would post to get some input into my situation with my recovering A. He moved out in June - took a job in another state. Said he didn't want to see me or talk to me for a year. Our last son left for college. We have had some contact for things that involve our boys. At times he says he doesn't want a divorce and then he will say it can only end in divorce. He seems to justify his selfish behavior by saying that he is an addict (no substances though) and he is never going to change. He golfs and says that I kept him from what he enjoys. Now, he says that he is going to buy land and start building his house. Although he has pretty much amputated our relationship (all the good along with the bad) he still hangs out with my mother (83 years old) and does his wash there. I know that I get the treatment that I tolerate but I have trouble saying that I will go ahead and get the divorce when it has never been what I wanted. If you are legally married can one partner make a major purchase without the others consent? I feel like I am being railroaded and have no say in my situation.
What am I missing?
Thanks, Nancy
Hi Nancy, did you say he washes at YOUR mother's? Can you ask her not to permit this? She's yours. That has to add to the confusion.
After I was divorced, I had a dream my parents invited my ex's parents to dinner when I was there. It was completely uncomfortable. I told my mother about it, and she said she would never have done that, but if she had I should just ask her not to invite the ex or his kin.
Even though this happned after my divorce, her response to my dream and her solution how to handle a potentially awkward situation have always comforted me.
------ Jill