For John and Haxi, I guess it's over now and haxi is gone. I bare no ill will towards either of you. So sorry it had to come to this. I'm sure if there is a next time that all involved (including memebers) will handle things in a different way. I have learned so much from all the view points presented here. My home group has had to handle this and similar situations due to their location (Atlanta). Everyone involved had hard decessions to make. I wish the best to you all. Sooner

Hello sooner,

Yes things happen. Haxi is still welcome here when he is ready to come back. He is not banned and I am hoping he will come back and be part of this site again when he is ready. I have taken breaks myself and sometimes we need them. In alanon we do make amends and let go and let God. That is what is great about the program. From what I read amends were made and all can be restored when haxi is ready to return. cdb :)

Hi Sooner,

As one person stated in a private message to me in my private message inbox... "Being in your role, it is likely impossible to be "universally popular". 

I tend to believe that if every one agreed with everything I said or did, its simply because I'm not doing very much as the founder and webmaster of this site.  Sometimes I am required to be "the bad guy", so that personalities don't flair up between individual group members, but all can point at me in unity, even though their support for my action is in contrast and varies widely.

My sponsor once told me that "if no one ever gets angry at you or you at them, its not because you are a great guy, its simply because you are not interacting with enough people."  And also, "if you like every meeting you have ever gone to, its not because they were all great meetings, its really an indication that you aren't getting to enough of them."

I am not a person that cares about personal popularity.  What I care about is protecting MIP from a vase array of potiential harm to its safety, its reputation and its integrety as a 12 step recovery based forum.  I will speak out publicly when there is sufficient evidence that a deceptive, manipulative behavior is taking place against MIP members.  I don't expect everyone to like the way I do all things, or the way I say some things.  I only ask that each person attempt to understand and trust that what I do or say I truly believe to be in the very best interest of MIP 12 Step Recovery Forusm as a whole.  While it may appear from time to time that I am acting artbitarily, the fact is, I seek counsel from those I have come to know and trust here over the years, and I lean heavily on the common thread that comes from their feedback, and their ES&H.

John

 

Yes John I agree...you were placed in a very difficult postition that required action. Glad it was you and not me that had to call the shots. In my favorite group we have even had to have people arrested to keep the rest of us safe. The very nature of these groups attracts some of the worlds most hurting people (along with the menatally ill). When you get a bunch of people together with all that woundedness it can be really hard to draw the lines between what is healthy "help" vs. "enabling". And without f2f accoutibity it's probally impossible to figure that out. As you stated there are a lot of generous people here...myself included. With that natural bent towards helping others it can be very easy for a group to lose it's focus and spin widly out of control. My home group had that problem last year as we cared for a member dying with cancer who also had kids. It really can be hard to do the right thing sometimes. Heck, most of us are here because we have trouble with boundries and have trouble doing the right things for the right reasons. At least that is one of my core issues. So I am very grateful for this experience and all that I have learned from all of you. Wishing all of you the best. Sooner

I first must "apologize" for not being around the last month...  I missed the entire episode.

What I do know & being a human that "tells the truth, always" I have had ppl beg me for the it & then hate me moments later...  like all 'Blessings' it is a double edged sword.

I've read most of the posts on this topic going back a couple weeks. A policy of not asking for money on this site is good. This site is for recovery. I only read that Haxi asked for aprox $55 for a bus pass and another small amount for his storage fee, and when he was told that it wasn't appropriate, he apologized and said he wouldn't do it anymore. That's where I think it should have ended instead of a well meaning and un-intended public humiliation for him. I don't know him too well, but he seemed like a nice person and a good moderator the few times that I attended online meetings here.

I do know what it's like to be homeless, and I do know from experience that human nature is to kick a dog when he's down. We have an MIP longtime member who is living in his car right now, and he's coming to the MIP board as a trusted lifeline. I think he would be better served posting on the ACoA message board, and I do feel his posts are inappropriate in the total lack of anonymity - probably due to stress. I don't feel his "tale of woe" is generally any different from all of our occasional "venting" and he was keeping it upbeat and enjoying making effort and doing the best he could every day and being in the moment. He was stopping to smell the roses. It's not my place to judge him on why he's homeless, just like we don't judge anyone who posts here. I do think he deserves a haven of sanity while he's going through this rough spot, and I don't like the feeling that he isn't comfortable to come here for comfort when he needs it the most, after all the service he's put in on this site.