I don't know what to do. My Mum is going away for the weekend leaving my Dad who is an alcholic to cope on his own. Now when my Mum goes away my Dad goes to town and there is usually someone to check on him but this time there isn't. I don't drive so there is no way of me checking on him. He is a danger to himself and I am scared that he will end up killing himself.

I don't know what to do?

Hi Bumble,

I am new as well.  Is there a next door neighbour to your Dad that you could just phone over the weekend to ease your concerns? You cannot protect your Dad 24 hours a day so please don't feel guilty because you don't have the car.  I am in Australia so I am not sure what is available to you in your country but maybe you could speak to an Al Anon counsellor or a veteran member here online could probably provide some good advice to you.  Stay posting and I am sure others will respond to you.

 

Luv Leo 

No my Dad has no neighbours. I am so scared as last time he had someone to keep an eye on him but he still ended up burning his leg and smashing his face up. I am dreading to what he will do with nobody. He has started taking sleeping tablets aswell so he could end up overdosing!

Sorry to ramble.

(((Bumble))) Your Dad is going to do what he does no matter what. By checking on him and making sure he is ok is enabling him. This just makes it easier for him to do what he does. How can he ever hit his bottom if someone is always going to rescue and protect him? It is difficult and painful to leave our alcoholics to their Higher Power but that is what we must do. If your Dad burns his leg and smashes his face enough times, perhaps it will dawn on him that he needs help. It is NOT your place or your job to save him (your Mom's either), only he can do that. You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. take care Christy

So we shouldn't feel gulity about leaving him? He also drives aswell which is a worrying thing. My Dad will never get better. He has mental health problems aswell which doesn't help. Wish I could wave a magic wand and make him better.

Bumble you cannot do anything.  We cannot control their actions.  If they stuff up then it is them who has to face the consequences.  My husband lost his licence about a month ago.  He had to hit rock bottom and feel the shame in a small town.  He is getting counselling now off his own back.  I never suggested it as I thought it would be a negative reaction.  He asked for my support after losing his licence and I said I couldn't do it on my own I wasn't strong enough to go through it again.  If I had instantly supported him I don't think he would have taken any action at all.  Take one day at a time and look after your own health.  Luv Leo 

bumble......this is what christy said.......How can he ever hit his bottom if someone is always going to rescue and protect him? It is difficult and painful to leave our alcoholics to their Higher Power but that is what we must do.If your Dad burns his leg and smashes his face enough times, perhaps it will dawn on him that he needs help.It is NOT your place or your job to save him (your Mom's either), only he can do that. You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it.

i am rosie and this is what i am saying........i have a drug addict daughter.....she goes on her **kicking back*  sessions as she calls it....and as of this summer......i didnot help her when she got arrested.....i did not help her when she got fired from her job.....i am not doing a THING to  prevent her from facing the consequences of her actions.....i am hoping that when the pain gets bad enough, she will get into recovery....work the NA program like i work the coda/ acoa and alanon program.....these programs are what gave me the strength, to  **back off--but out---let her make her own karma---and hopefully learn from it**   as christy said.....you didn't  CAUSE it.....you can't CONTROL  it....and you damned sure cannot CURE it......let him face his own consequences........maybe it will drive him into recovery.....that is what i am doing with my daugher........good luck to you....it hard/ its awful.....but our only chance for these addicts is   **let them hit bottom*   maybe they will  get pained enough to get into recovery................hugs,   rosie

I know it's hard not to feel guilty, but he is an adult - you need to allow him the dignity of making his own mistakes. As long as we are there to catch the Alcoholic, he never learns to look out for himself, never learns to take responsibility for his own actions. If your dad's mental health problems are such that he would not be able to look after himself, even without the drinking, then I can see why you are worried. Even then though - if he has not been commetted into care, he deserves the right to make his own choices, even bad choices. You are not responsible for his behaviour, only for your own. If you are really worried about him driving drunk, and maybe killing himself or someone else, you always have the option of informing the police.