Al-Anon Family Group

Life at Potter's Eden

debilyn said
Oct 3, 2005

I have been feeling good as far as serenity. My lungs are better, I guess I have asthma. Besides my horse Chief getting into my feeding barn everytime I turn around things are good. Gradually my A came back into my life. He has been actually caring about me. It can be unsettling. I am not used to this. Things are being fixed around my place, he says things like, I want to put up a carport so you don't get wet coming into the house. He carries things for me and is attentive. He told me I am a very giving person. He is on a medication for his tinnitis. He took too many one night. It was a good test, he was nodding out, acting well loaded. I just did not watch him. concentrated on the tv. If he was about to hit the floor I ignored it. I did not feel my love for him go away. Did not feel anything at all. It was honestly not my problem. Feels so good, so good. To love him no matter what. I did not want him to go away, was just glad he was here. He took some anti freeze and the tranny fluid for my truck out and layed the containers on the ground. I went out later and found them... on the hill with their lids chewed off. I lost it. Got so upset and scared. Just could not help it, I had no idea which dog chewed them, probably Sauveur my Py puppy. Came in crying, feeling very scared. A asked whats wrong? I told him you left the anti freeze out and one of the dogs chewed them up. He said nothing. Is totally silent all eve then later stomps in and says things are not going so well huh? I did not say a word. Figured he can have his melt down alone. We were both tired. Next morn I went to his bedroom, got into bed and asked him how come he thinks he has to be perfect? He says he strives to be perfect. I said you are setting yourself up to fail. He said he was so afraid i was going to say one of the dogs was dead. He knows what that would do to me. Anyway he said he got pissed cuz he realized he had too much stuff to carry to walk home... lol lol anyway this was totally different that before alanon. I did not feel i had to say much of anything. He could go into the bs alone. All i knew was i loved him, and did not have to save him or say anything. I said I would not have come looking for u if you had left. He said I did not think ya would. lol It was so neat to not say anything the night before. Then wake up refreshed and be able to just talk. I saw the love we have for each other. We are such good friends. Day at a time. So see praying to not love him anymore, did not work. thank you hp. Surrendering is so nice. So i see it is possible for me to live with my Mr. Bumble. I watched him walk into a store to get something for me. He looked good, and he is mine. love,debilyn very grateful alanon member