There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals.
#####ROSIE....oh for me it was a **pou pouree* of actions!!! forgiveness with firm boundaries.....cutting people loose entirely.....new ones comming in.......but the same bottom line....."this is the real me----love me ---leave me---but know THIS....i am the 'real deal' now and the sick rosie is no more" after step 4, by the time i got to steps 8/9 i was a changed creature!!!! most folks love me more!!!! they enjoy the **real deal* a few??? hate my guts!! i am no longer the **scape goat* the blame for the family evil!!!! they are forced to look elsewhere for someone to blame for the **family evil*...i have **fired myself* as the family scapegoat!!!!! with my situation it was either enhancing of the **keepers* in my life.......dumping the **non keepers* it was almost cut and dry!!!!! i have chosen the path to self love/ god love/ reconcilliation with life....and it is fairly basic.....treat me right and i am the **loyal puppy on the porch---friend to the end*....treat me bad???? depending on the situation....i'll either forgive with strong boundaries.......or take care of me in whatever way i need to and LEAVE!!!!! i have CHOICE.....i have rights......and i am FREE of guilt as long as i am not hurting another creature's boundaries... than i am free of guilt
Our goal is to detach in love with family members. Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.It's okay to say no to our families when that is what we want. It's okay to say yes to our families if that feels right. It's okay to call time out and it's okay to go back as a different person.
#######ROSIE....well detach anyway.....love is a gift....i give it where it is deserved!!!! i am not Jesus!!! so i love where it is deserved.......however, i have come to the point of not getting **stuck in the mud hole of revenge* oh i'll sue if damanges are due or whatever......but revenge???? i think karma can do a better job....like my attacking older brother.....i am not going to waste my time trying to **get even---settle the score* i'll just say "god bless" and give him over to karma.....he will keep making bad karma and that is his problem , not mine...i left!!! i removed myself from that negative karma and thats all i can do!!!! leave the **punishment* up to the source.......i took care of me......i am living healty life....keeping focus on me......my relationships now are healthy ones....satisfying ones....life is ok!!!!! the family members i had to **take a time out* with ?? we have reconciled and we are doing fine.... boundaries are a mutual thing!!!!! i defend mine....respect my neighbor's......it works for me!!!!!! i also accept and feel that just because soemone **shares the same flesh* as i...that does not give them a "carte blanche" on my love/friendhip/companionship.....that is a gift!!! it is earned!!! it is deserved!!!!! i can respect the fact that someone is a **child of the universe* but i don't have to love them/ have them in my life!!!!! the evil entities in human bodies???? well i avoid them with NO concessions!!!!!!! i have learned to take care of me so i CAN radiate that love out to the universe and its creatures......thank you DONE
God, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system.
Coping with Families
There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals.
#####ROSIE....oh for me it was a **pou pouree* of actions!!! forgiveness with firm boundaries.....cutting people loose entirely.....new ones comming in.......but the same bottom line....."this is the real me----love me ---leave me---but know THIS....i am the 'real deal' now and the sick rosie is no more" after step 4, by the time i got to steps 8/9 i was a changed creature!!!! most folks love me more!!!! they enjoy the **real deal* a few??? hate my guts!! i am no longer the **scape goat* the blame for the family evil!!!! they are forced to look elsewhere for someone to blame for the **family evil*...i have **fired myself* as the family scapegoat!!!!! with my situation it was either enhancing of the **keepers* in my life.......dumping the **non keepers* it was almost cut and dry!!!!! i have chosen the path to self love/ god love/ reconcilliation with life....and it is fairly basic.....treat me right and i am the **loyal puppy on the porch---friend to the end*....treat me bad???? depending on the situation....i'll either forgive with strong boundaries.......or take care of me in whatever way i need to and LEAVE!!!!! i have CHOICE.....i have rights......and i am FREE of guilt as long as i am not hurting another creature's boundaries... than i am free of guilt
Our goal is to detach in love with family members. Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.It's okay to say no to our families when that is what we want. It's okay to say yes to our families if that feels right. It's okay to call time out and it's okay to go back as a different person.
#######ROSIE....well detach anyway.....love is a gift....i give it where it is deserved!!!! i am not Jesus!!! so i love where it is deserved.......however, i have come to the point of not getting **stuck in the mud hole of revenge* oh i'll sue if damanges are due or whatever......but revenge???? i think karma can do a better job....like my attacking older brother.....i am not going to waste my time trying to **get even---settle the score* i'll just say "god bless" and give him over to karma.....he will keep making bad karma and that is his problem , not mine...i left!!! i removed myself from that negative karma and thats all i can do!!!! leave the **punishment* up to the source.......i took care of me......i am living healty life....keeping focus on me......my relationships now are healthy ones....satisfying ones....life is ok!!!!! the family members i had to **take a time out* with ?? we have reconciled and we are doing fine.... boundaries are a mutual thing!!!!! i defend mine....respect my neighbor's......it works for me!!!!!! i also accept and feel that just because soemone **shares the same flesh* as i...that does not give them a "carte blanche" on my love/friendhip/companionship.....that is a gift!!! it is earned!!! it is deserved!!!!! i can respect the fact that someone is a **child of the universe* but i don't have to love them/ have them in my life!!!!! the evil entities in human bodies???? well i avoid them with NO concessions!!!!!!! i have learned to take care of me so i CAN radiate that love out to the universe and its creatures......thank you DONE
God, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation.