I believe I am onto step 2, but not sure being so new at this and all. I know that I have no control over the alcohol my mom drank and the sex abuse at the hands of my step grandpa wasn't my fault either, that took me a while but I know that now. I also realize that my emotions and my way of thinking was going to effect me and the people closest to me if I didn't get some help soon. So does that mean I am onto step 2?
Sheri
eileen said
Oct 1, 2005
I had the same confusion. For me, what helped me get clarity on where I'm at was finding a sponsor to help me work the steps. I picked a sponsor who I can relate to, and who has many years in the program already. I've found so far it is easier (and feels safer) to do the steps while checking in with someone with more experience who also knows a little about me.
peace
Eileen
cedarpines said
Oct 1, 2005
Hi (((Ragingchild))))
Welcome and so glad to see you here. I experience confusion about the steps at times even though have been going at it for a time. I'm so grateful I have a sponsor that has worked the steps before me and I can call her and tell her what's going on. She gives me questions and feedback that really help clarify things for me. It would be helpful to have someone guide you on your journey who could help you with these questions. Face to face meetings as well as online meetings are invaluable, plus the Alanon books - if you can get ahold of some will all help so much.
I'm a recovering adult child an alanon too - so welcome and God bless.
Cedarpines
KathyS said
Oct 2, 2005
If you have to ask yourself or anyone else if you're doing the steps right, or what step you're on........then you're not working them correctly. When I first came to the program and heard about the steps, getting a sponsor, working the program etc.....I honestly thought I was doing what I was supposed to. I read the steps over and over, even had them memorized. I read all the shares, listened at f2f meetings and shared myself. Why wasn't I getting better? Why wasn't I finding the serenity so many others found?
After quite a while of wasting time and fooling myself that I was indeed working the program properly.......I finally did what was recommended from the begining. I got a sponsor. Someone who was experienced with the program, someone who had worked the steps herself with a sponsor, someone who had what I wanted: serenity, a calmness about her, faith in her HP, wisdom to know how to deal with situations, someone who learned how to stop enabling her addict, someone who learned how to detach with love.
Once I started *really* working the steps, I no longer had to wonder if I was doing it right, or which step I was on. There was actually work that went along with each step. Questions I had to answer on paper, thought provoking questions that forced me to be honest with myself. I had a sponsor who wouldn't let me move onto the next step until she felt sure I had completely *gotten* the step I was currently working on.
Now, when I sponsor someone, I try to do it in the same way in which my sponsor did with me. Why? Because it works. I benefited from this program in more ways than I can type out. It changed so much about me, my reactions, my thought process, my inability to control my emotions, my seeing myself as a victim, just all of it.
It is my honest opinion that NOONE can work the steps without a sponsor. That's like learning to cook without a cookbook or someone to teach us. Our lives had become unmanageable because we did not know how to fix our problems. Why in the world do we trick ourselves into believing we can fix our problems using the tools of this program if we don't have someone actually showing us HOW to use those tools?
Getting a sponsor and truley working this program was a turning point in my life.
I believe I am onto step 2, but not sure being so new at this and all. I know that I have no control over the alcohol my mom drank and the sex abuse at the hands of my step grandpa wasn't my fault either, that took me a while but I know that now. I also realize that my emotions and my way of thinking was going to effect me and the people closest to me if I didn't get some help soon. So does that mean I am onto step 2?
Sheri
I had the same confusion. For me, what helped me get clarity on where I'm at was finding a sponsor to help me work the steps. I picked a sponsor who I can relate to, and who has many years in the program already. I've found so far it is easier (and feels safer) to do the steps while checking in with someone with more experience who also knows a little about me.
peace
Eileen
Hi (((Ragingchild))))
Welcome and so glad to see you here. I experience confusion about the steps at times even though have been going at it for a time. I'm so grateful I have a sponsor that has worked the steps before me and I can call her and tell her what's going on. She gives me questions and feedback that really help clarify things for me. It would be helpful to have someone guide you on your journey who could help you with these questions. Face to face meetings as well as online meetings are invaluable, plus the Alanon books - if you can get ahold of some will all help so much.
I'm a recovering adult child an alanon too - so welcome and God bless.
Cedarpines
If you have to ask yourself or anyone else if you're doing the steps right, or what step you're on........then you're not working them correctly. When I first came to the program and heard about the steps, getting a sponsor, working the program etc.....I honestly thought I was doing what I was supposed to. I read the steps over and over, even had them memorized. I read all the shares, listened at f2f meetings and shared myself. Why wasn't I getting better? Why wasn't I finding the serenity so many others found?
After quite a while of wasting time and fooling myself that I was indeed working the program properly.......I finally did what was recommended from the begining. I got a sponsor. Someone who was experienced with the program, someone who had worked the steps herself with a sponsor, someone who had what I wanted: serenity, a calmness about her, faith in her HP, wisdom to know how to deal with situations, someone who learned how to stop enabling her addict, someone who learned how to detach with love.
Once I started *really* working the steps, I no longer had to wonder if I was doing it right, or which step I was on. There was actually work that went along with each step. Questions I had to answer on paper, thought provoking questions that forced me to be honest with myself. I had a sponsor who wouldn't let me move onto the next step until she felt sure I had completely *gotten* the step I was currently working on.
Now, when I sponsor someone, I try to do it in the same way in which my sponsor did with me. Why? Because it works. I benefited from this program in more ways than I can type out. It changed so much about me, my reactions, my thought process, my inability to control my emotions, my seeing myself as a victim, just all of it.
It is my honest opinion that NOONE can work the steps without a sponsor. That's like learning to cook without a cookbook or someone to teach us. Our lives had become unmanageable because we did not know how to fix our problems. Why in the world do we trick ourselves into believing we can fix our problems using the tools of this program if we don't have someone actually showing us HOW to use those tools?
Getting a sponsor and truley working this program was a turning point in my life.