I'm new here. I've been on the Adult Child board for a few days.
I have an A mom. I don't know when it started, but I became aware of it around 14 years old. I am 24, I'll be 25 in Oct. She alienated me from my dad, so I never really knew him until after I married. My relationship with him is great but I want it to be more. I have a really hard time sharing emotions and trusting. I'm so afraid to get close to people because they'll end up hurting me. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. My husband tries to understand and has been through some crazy days with me. He's still here with me holding my hand walking through my crazy, seemingly endless maze. I have trust issues that spill over into my marriage. I really hate that. I am always thinking that one day he's going to find someone better than me and leave me in the dust. My momma left me. She chose her vodka over her family. I have a hard time swollowing that pill. As a teenager about 14, I was planning my suicide. When I was a child I was sexually abused by my step-grandpa. My mom pretty much blew it off, I can say I really hold that against her. If that hit wasn't enough to damage a 10 year old's mind and esteem four years later she'd put me through hell once again. I had a horrible home life. Fights constantly, I mean constantly. My dad was there but tried not to be home so much. All her anger and pain from her childhood was lashed at me. I am not a mom yet and I'm so scared of becoming her. My childhood nearly mirrors hers exactly. All her family were A's. All of them are dead as a result of alcohol (murders, overdoses, etc). My mom and her brother are the only ones left of her immediate family. I just feel all that pain in her life, with no therapy or safe emotional outlet, led to my present state of mind. I feel a lot of anger toward her, but yet want to be there to help her through her problems. I have detached myself from her. It was so painful and still is, but for my own health and safety I had to do it. I've accepted that I had no control or blame for the things that happened to me, but I know it is now time for me to slip out of my shell and take on the world. I realized a few things about me that I didn't know before, some things I knew before I started recovery. I am now on a bender to find books and things like that to help me along the painful path, but at my side I have my wonderful husband and my faith and my determination.
ragingchild aka sheri
-- Edited by ragingchild at 04:44, 2005-09-30
lin0606 said
Sep 30, 2005
Welcome - alanon is the right place for you.
Looks like you have a lot of insight into your situation. Understanding it intellectually is the first step towards understanding emotionally, which leads to true healing. Healing IS possible - you can reach serenity, understanding and loving your mom while protecting yourself from her.
An alanon book which you might like is "From Survivial to Recovery" - it is the stories of children of A's.
WakingUp said
Sep 30, 2005
Welcome! I'm new to these forums and pretty new to Al-Anon meetings too. Have you tried a meeting yet? I thought they were a little odd at first, but from the very first one I went to, I heard things that were helpful. You'll find help and hope if you keep coming back.
{{{{{Sheri}}}}}
jj said
Sep 30, 2005
(((((Sheri)))))))
Welcome to MIP!!! Well You have taken the hardest step there is and that is asking for help and the comfort of the people who have gone through or are going through what you are. You sound like you are doing ok and know what you need to do for your self. Before long you will look back and see that wow I have come a long way and then soon the Craziness of this awful disease will start to go away.
I have only been in Alanon for a little over 9 months and all I can say now is I can NOT believe that my life was in such an up roar.
I am an ACOA and my husband is also an alcoholic. My husband is ultimately my main A but going through the steps I have dealt with alot from my childhood. My dad who is A my mom a gambler my whole world was crashing down!! Well 9 months later my dad and I have made ammens and have become very close again...sure there are still some issues but I am no where near where I was and I NEVER intend to go back there!!! My husband is active but tollerable and it is all because of things that I have changed in my life!!
Again welcome and I am so glad that you found us!!!
I'm new here. I've been on the Adult Child board for a few days.
I have an A mom. I don't know when it started, but I became aware of it around 14 years old. I am 24, I'll be 25 in Oct. She alienated me from my dad, so I never really knew him until after I married. My relationship with him is great but I want it to be more. I have a really hard time sharing emotions and trusting. I'm so afraid to get close to people because they'll end up hurting me. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. My husband tries to understand and has been through some crazy days with me. He's still here with me holding my hand walking through my crazy, seemingly endless maze. I have trust issues that spill over into my marriage. I really hate that. I am always thinking that one day he's going to find someone better than me and leave me in the dust. My momma left me. She chose her vodka over her family. I have a hard time swollowing that pill. As a teenager about 14, I was planning my suicide. When I was a child I was sexually abused by my step-grandpa. My mom pretty much blew it off, I can say I really hold that against her. If that hit wasn't enough to damage a 10 year old's mind and esteem four years later she'd put me through hell once again. I had a horrible home life. Fights constantly, I mean constantly. My dad was there but tried not to be home so much. All her anger and pain from her childhood was lashed at me. I am not a mom yet and I'm so scared of becoming her. My childhood nearly mirrors hers exactly. All her family were A's. All of them are dead as a result of alcohol (murders, overdoses, etc). My mom and her brother are the only ones left of her immediate family. I just feel all that pain in her life, with no therapy or safe emotional outlet, led to my present state of mind. I feel a lot of anger toward her, but yet want to be there to help her through her problems. I have detached myself from her. It was so painful and still is, but for my own health and safety I had to do it. I've accepted that I had no control or blame for the things that happened to me, but I know it is now time for me to slip out of my shell and take on the world. I realized a few things about me that I didn't know before, some things I knew before I started recovery. I am now on a bender to find books and things like that to help me along the painful path, but at my side I have my wonderful husband and my faith and my determination.
ragingchild aka sheri
-- Edited by ragingchild at 04:44, 2005-09-30
Welcome! I'm new to these forums and pretty new to Al-Anon meetings too. Have you tried a meeting yet? I thought they were a little odd at first, but from the very first one I went to, I heard things that were helpful. You'll find help and hope if you keep coming back.
{{{{{Sheri}}}}}
(((((Sheri)))))))
Welcome to MIP!!! Well You have taken the hardest step there is and that is asking for help and the comfort of the people who have gone through or are going through what you are. You sound like you are doing ok and know what you need to do for your self. Before long you will look back and see that wow I have come a long way and then soon the Craziness of this awful disease will start to go away.
I have only been in Alanon for a little over 9 months and all I can say now is I can NOT believe that my life was in such an up roar.
I am an ACOA and my husband is also an alcoholic. My husband is ultimately my main A but going through the steps I have dealt with alot from my childhood. My dad who is A my mom a gambler my whole world was crashing down!! Well 9 months later my dad and I have made ammens and have become very close again...sure there are still some issues but I am no where near where I was and I NEVER intend to go back there!!! My husband is active but tollerable and it is all because of things that I have changed in my life!!
Again welcome and I am so glad that you found us!!!
Keep Comming back
Love in recovery
JJ