hi guys i feel a little better with some new hope we met the deacon tonight. i wasn't sure he was going to show.  he hugged me so tight. we were talking together for a while and then deacon said can you step outside for a minute. i did the deacon ripped him a new one. they were in there for over an hour. he has to go to a meeting everyday and he has to get a sponser. so i went on line & printed all the places in queens i just hope he does this. he promised but he has broken so many promises before. but i will give him all the love and support he needs. now that he is staying with his mom hopefully he will do it.she called and he took the phone call and he thought she hung up on him. so he said i guess i cant go there. i said call her back so he left the room and called her she did not hang up he lost his signal. so he felt better.he always thinks the worst when it comes to his mom. i hate seeing him in so much pain. as you know i went crazy  i checked his voice mails and found his dealer # and was calling the dealer constantly.  he was saying lady please stop calling me.  i told him that he better tell my husband to call me. my husband told me that the dealer told him he would not sell him anymore  and to go home your family needs you. i was like wow thats great. anyway i couldnt spend much time with him. he had to go to his moms. its like hes 15 but hey what ever makes him get better.i feel a little better now that hes not here because now he is scared he is going to lose his family. i love him so much & i want us to be  together maybe some space is good for now. my family and friends are so mad i lied and hit stuff to protect him. but thats my husband, plus i was ashamed. anyway we are going to take things slow.i told him i have to cancel cable, my cell phone. i hope i can keep my aol because my daughter needs it for home work & i need it for al-alon.  its my release.

 you guys have really helped me thank you 

please pray for him

That's wonderful! 

I wish my mom would have done that for me.  I tried and tried and tried and then tried some more.  I posted on another one of your posts "I'm home now".  I know what its like to go through this.  It just doesn't seem fair to us.  No matter how much love we give, it just seems to be thrown right back into our faces.  My mom chose her favorite, the bottle.  She loved vodka and she was a lousy drunk at that.  She had a horrible tendency to shoot her mouth off for no reason and start fights with me, which at the time I didn't help it.  I'd pick up objects that weren't too heavy or nailed down and threw them when I had the chance.  I thank God now that none ever hit her, but I was trying to at that time.  I wish so hard that she chose me, but she didn't, not even when it was lose everything keep the bottle or lose the bottle keep everything.  She was a wonderful momma, but then it just turned the opposite way.  I still love her and will always, but will have to work on the anger and resentment and abandonment issues I have.  I am always waiting on something to go wrong, I really hate it.  Anyway, enough of me rattling on.  I wish you the best of the best of luck!  I also wish him a wonderful recovery!  Hugs to you and your family!!

ragingchild aka sheri

chrissy,  i have found that i can lead a horse to water, even threaten it with a two by four, but if it isn't ready to drink than i have to back off...let it go....take care of me....

i have a daughter who is on yet another bender....this makes  what??? 6 since july 4th holiday????   i am detaching...i have done everything to get her to stop!!! pleading/  offering to work the program,  doing everything i can......she is not ready!!!!    when the pain gets bad enough,  IF we survivors are lucky, they will get help........in the meantime???? i have to accept that it is her karma, and if she wants to  do her self in with  drugs, i cannot do anything about it.....step ONE.......detachment..........step  TWO..aligning myself with my hp will keep me serene.....step THREE...give her over to her god and back off.......nothing i have ever done has worked......so its time to release it to the universe........i may outlive her!!! i changed my will  and am placing my grandaughter as executor.....i am doing what i can do to keep her habit from impacting me!!!!! if i go first,  she won't have access to the checking accounts....my g/daughter will,    so i did things to **cover me*   cause an addict is NOT to be trusted!!!!

no way would i consider a relationship with one......i have had enough of the hell wlith my daughter.........please take what works and leave the rest.........

Hi Chriisy,

I sure hope things work out for you. My dad has always been an active A, I don't even know him sober. My husband of 20 years is also an active A. I am very familar with a lot of the literture and have been in and out of alanon. Detachment has seemed to help me quite a bit, oh yes I sure do have my moments. The best part of it all is i recognize them and deal with it then let it go. I can't stay in that mode very long, makes for an unhealthy mind. I have learned to focus on myself and to go on with my life, if I was going to stay in this marriage was something I had to do for my own sanity. This point in my life, I know it is okay to care. As long as the caring is coming from the heart and not something you need to validate yourself. I have learned to let go and accept the people in my life for who they are. By all means I had done so much of trying to change people. You can't change anyone but yourself.................I try not to have many regrets in life. It has made me into the loving and caring person I am today........

Hope that you find the love and support you need from people who have been there and understand.