Ya know the pain that Alcoholics go through? The same pain that we go through....... They feel neglected, lonely and out of control with their emotions so they drink because they don't know any other way to handle life. Well, the same is true with us who lose control over our emotions dealiing with it all-- we feel neglected, lonely and out of control and don't know how to handle life. Having said all of this I have to say that in reply to your post and not to make you feel badly or guilty or shameful, but in an attempt to help you realize something that I had never realized when I was with my ex boyfriend, who was and still is an alcoholic. But once I finally did, I made a decision that was healthy for both of us. You write: "I WHEN HE FELL A SLEEP I PACKED UP MY STUFF AND TURNED MY PHONE OFF AND WENT HOME AND DIDNT LEAVE A NOTE NOTHING AND I FELT HORRIBLE HE WOKE UP AND PANICKED AND LEFT 10 MESSAGES ON THE HOUSE PHONE FIRST STRONG AND THE BAWLING I NEVER SAW HIM THAT WAY. I CALLED HIM GAVE HIM HIS JACKET & HIS BLOOD PRESSURE PILLS AND HE WAS CRYING I THOUGHT YOU LEFT ME, YOU DIDNT LEAVE A NOTE NOTHING. I SAID TO MYSELF HOW DID YOU THINK I FELT UNLIKE YOU I CALLED YOU WHEN I HEARD YOU SO UPSET" Two wrongs do not make a right and this is not a game...... He hurt you, so you hurt him or you want him to feel the pain that you feel-- as long as you live your life with these thoughts, NOBODY will get better. My ex boyfriend and I had dated on and off for 3 years, each time the pain of the separation grew deeper and more difficult to bare until that last. The reason the last was final was because of the last time we had reconciled after having not seen eachother for a couple of months. As we talked about some of our problems we had faced and if we could get through them if we reconciled, I was honest and said, I am not certain how we can get through this because we both keep screwing things up. He agreed, but then broke down in tears so badly that my heart sank..... I'll NEVER forget the words he said to me at that moment. He said, "Why do you keep coming back into my life after we are apart for awhile because it hurts". He continued to say, "I love you so much and when we are apart, I begin to deal with all the pain of our break-up, but then either I call him or he calls me and we're trying again." It was at that moment that I knew that this time we would try again and if it didn't work.... that would be it for us because my heart broke seeing him cry and in so much pain. :((( In turn, this past January, I walked away and have never contacted him again. Gosh, my heart aches for him at times-- BUT, I know he isn't crying or living a life with me on a roller coaster. I contributed to the instability as well and loved him enough to not try to hurt him because of the pain that he caused me. It's not a game, it's peoples emotions and mental health.... We need to take that into consideration and look at ourselves before continuing to blame others or say that they are the only one contributing to the issues at hand. This isn't just a response to you Chrissy, as this is a general response addressing the issues of alcoholism, or any other unhealthy relationship. I'll conclude with this..... Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. Take Care!